As someone who remembers specific compliments, it makes me so sad that people don’t seem to remember any or draw from them in any way.

I hate people who see several kids at a party and only fawn over ones whom's parents they need to score points with. Also dislike when people fawn over extrovert kids which pushes introverts more into their shells. Be a grown up and treat kids similarly. Basic rule of kindness and politeness.

I can’t remember anything specific. My parents said people would say I was cute when I was a baby/toddler or that I was well behaved, but I don’t remember any of it - I was pretty young. Then I hit an awkward phase starting at like age 5 LOL and I’m still in it in my late 30s. The weird thing is that I think my teachers were pretty complimentary about me to my parents, but to me, face to face in class and stuff, I was just … there.

Case in point: when I was in high school, the top 25 (students, not top 25% in the grade) senior students got to pick a special teacher to invite to a special lunch in the spring of senior year after ranks were announced. I knew my rank was pretty high but I was hoping to be outside the top 25 because I didn’t have a special teacher in my life! It turned out I was in the 30s and I felt nothing but relief. I honestly think if I had invited someone they would have been like, hey that’s super nice but who are you? I’m still forgettable as an adult. My husband and I attended a church for 3 years - not exactly weekly with perfect attendance but at least 1-2 times a month - and even at the end the pastors did not remember me.

I don't remember receiving open compliments but it was implied by the behavior of my parents and teachers that my manners and academic performance was more than distinguished. I did get similar sense from peers as well but of course no one openly said it.

Anonymous wrote:I sometimes wonder if the things that are said to my children now will be remembered and shape the people they become. I remember my kindergarten teacher telling my parents that I had the best sense of humor she had ever seen in a kindergartner. Maybe it was a throw away comment to that teacher, but it really validated me.

What nice things do you remember being said to you/ about you from childhood? Who said them? Why do you think you remember?

I think things said by adults for other children are as powerful. When you see people fawning over beautiful or rich kids, it must be confusing for a child.

From my parents, none. Not even an I love you. I give compliments to mine all the time.

I had a HS English teacher who took me under her wing a little bit. I remember she said my writing was very cerebral (I had to look it up). She was the first person who suggested a career to me--editing or teaching--and it blew my mind because my parents didn't take note of my strengths and I was living in a pretty bad situation. That teacher made me feel like I could DO something. I wrote her when I went to grad school to thank her for her encouragement. Literally just a few offhand comments but they were so meaningful.

I am a literacy teacher now and it brings me great joy to give compliments to my students and the kids in my life.

Anonymous wrote:A boy told me I would look “absolutely stunning” if I dropped like ten pounds. I’ve had a raging eating disorder for 2 decades, but who know when that got unlocked.

A boy told me the same thing in reverse. "You'd be really good looking if you'd gain some weight!" I had health problems. I was trying!

I wrote a paper on the Aztecs in seventh grade, and the teacher said, "You should go into research!" It made me feel good for years.

I had a normal childhood and upbringing, not wealthy but comfortable (vacations were always driving to other relatives homes), and I don't remember any stand out compliments or insults.

I am shocked at the items you all remember, and seem to dwell on. And I now realize why so many are in therapy

I remember only the insults, and they still hurt!

I do remember one compliment, but it was almost an insult? I was a bit of an impulsive, hyperactive child. During a field trip I helped the teacher wrangle some younger kids onto the bus. He stopped me and told me, “That was so helpful. I wish you could always act like that.”

I never got complements. I still don't.

Anonymous wrote:I was at an art museum with my mom and two older women came over and said, “we’ve been watching you with your mom and can’t help but think you’re the most poised and beautiful young woman we’ve ever seen.” I was 16. Me and my mom just kind of laughed about it since it seemed strange that people were watching us. My mom also told me that she thought they were very astute. I was never sure if I was pretty, since I was the funny sporty girl, so it felt kind of nice to hear it.

That is kind of weird since they were strangers and were watching you.

I was at an art museum with my mom and two older women came over and said, “we’ve been watching you with your mom and can’t help but think you’re the most poised and beautiful young woman we’ve ever seen.” I was 16. Me and my mom just kind of laughed about it since it seemed strange that people were watching us. My mom also told me that she thought they were very astute. I was never sure if I was pretty, since I was the funny sporty girl, so it felt kind of nice to hear it.

As a little girl I would get a lot of compliments on my hair from all of my mom’s friends, my family, the hair stylist. They would say they wished they had even 1/4 of my hair (it’s thick) and that my hair is beautiful. As a child I guess I processed it like only my hair was pretty.

I was always complimented on my art work and drawing ability by teachers. One teacher had me draw a picture of our class and hung it up by the door and said to the class, “Look at what a great artist she is!” A drawing of mine was broadcasted on the morning news… lol. As a first grader, that feels like a big deal but I know it isn’t. I had a fifth grade teacher who always complimented my writing ability.

As I got older my parents friends would compliment me on being pretty, etc. One time when I was 16 and a cheerleader in high school, a senior’s mom came to up to me with my mom present and said “every time I see you, I think you are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen and I thought I should tell you instead of just thinking it.” My mom’s cleaning lady said that to me too. I hadn’t remembered these comments in years. It feels good but also kind of sad. I’m 39 now.

The first time I met my college roommate’s mother, she gasped and told me that I was very pretty. I’d never been told that before.