I'm a vegetarian. I offer to bring something, and I'm not picky about spices or types of vegetables.

When I host, I accommodate the best I can. I like the challenge - vegan and soy allergy? I'll figure it out!

Anonymous wrote:I can't think of a single food that I won't eat. I find picky eaters really tiresome.

Hey! So do we!
- every emotionally mature picky eater. Just leave us alone and we’ll eat it what we like (and bring a dish we like, too, if the situation calls for it)

As a picky eater - and it’s not by choice or pretension - I’m happy to eat what I like and I won’t mention anything or ask you to make or not make anything in exchange for you not commenting on me not eating most of the dishes you prepare. Deal? Because the people on your half of the equation don’t hold up your end on our silent bargain. I’m already ashamed of my preferences; it’s a world that applauds expansive palates and mine doesn’t qualify, but I don’t need the host looking aghast and asking why I didn’t take x, y and z.

Don’t cater. Just don’t comment, either. Though I might, if I were you, cater this one time to the soldier just back home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I don't think PP was accusing OP of that. She's saying that staying silent and handling one's own food issues also comes with pitfalls. (I've absolutely experienced this, solidarity.)

PP just said "there are people" but I'd go farther and say that most hosts, who have gone to some trouble to cook, notice what you don’t eat. Some don't realize that it's uncomfortable to comment on it.

I never expect people to do anything for me and I have serious allergies.

Your approach, OP, is the one I have taken in the past. Send out the menu and invite people to bring stuff if they want.

Anonymous wrote:Blueberries and strawberries together is fine, though. What fruits are you trying to toss together?

I think you misread. If OP is making fruit salad, the guest is trying to dictate that it contain *only* blueberries and strawberries.

Anonymous wrote:Blueberries and strawberries together is fine, though. What fruits are you trying to toss together?

What does it matter? If you don’t like it, don’t eat it. Or be 5 and pick out the fruits you don’t like. Either way, it doesn’t matter—the host has provided a big meal. Maybe offer to host for once, or at the very least volunteer to bring a dish or two.

Anonymous wrote:I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I don’t think it’s critical for OP to say she’s tired of being the host to a group of people whose pickiness gets worse and the “goalposts move.” OP never said she watches what people eat, she’s just tired of adults telling her not to make fruit salad and other demands. If you’ve cooked for a crowd and been a frequent host, you’d get it.

I’ve never been to a family event where someone sends out a menu. If you don’t like the food, you just wait and eat later.

My in laws are very meat and potatoes and cheese eaters and I'm more of a quinoa and roasted vegetables kind of eater. My in laws detest vegetables besides romaine. So if they're visiting I do the generic "taco bar" or "baked potato bar" type meals where I offer a lot of components that coordinate and everyone builds their own plate. Yes it's more work but it means everyone is happy.

^sorry “accommodate” not come date.

OP, I’m a host who tried to always come date, but I get your burnout, and it’s okay to set boundaries gracefully.

I have very severe lactose intolerance (I can’t take some medications that have it as a filler), but I usually won’t tell hosts ahead of unless they specifically ask. I’ve gotten around MANY dinner parties asking on the spot and happily eating around *my* problem.

Personally, I have less of a “problem” with picky guests who have always been picky than the ones who are constantly shifting diets. I know Larla has hated mushrooms and onions since she was a kid, so at 50, I’m not changing her mind. My entire menu for Jane who was vegetarian last month but is now keto is what pains me, although I do do it (I love to cook, so it’s always a fun challenge). Certain people I just don’t invite together if I can avoid it.

My only advice, and again it pains me to say, is one workaround for things like holidays where you “must” host is to make exceedingly simple dishes and offer an array of interesting condiments and sides. It sucks to have to reserve holidays for your most boring food, but it keeps the peace and actually can make the prep easier for you. Plain roast beast if some sort, roast tofu for the vegetarians, and more plain sides like potatoes, etc. Add interest with different sauces, compound butters, spices, etc. at serving table level.

Or, do an appetizer style / “bite” evening. They’re a little different to run, but the portions mean everyone gets a bit and feels validated that what they like is served to everyone, and a lot of prep can be done well ahead of time.

In any case, if you’re done, you’re done. It’s okay to host but have it work for you. Potluck it if you’re always the one scrambling to find recipes that satisfy the keto vegan who won’t eat onions.

Blueberries and strawberries together is fine, though. What fruits are you trying to toss together?

I'm a picky eater. I have tons of stomach issues and I don't like forcing myself to eat anything. I am perfectly happy for this to not be anyone's problem but mine. However, there are people who will constantly nag you about what you're eating, why you're not eating much, how they make the best pickled beets, etc. I just attended a conference with 2 co-workers and they are also picky/have some food issues. I was so relieved when we picked out places to eat. It was basically, "Would you eat here?" If so, we'd go and no one commented on anyone else's food choices. It was so nice knowing that I wasn't about to get an inquisition about how much/what I was eating. I know that some people can be really annoying about wanting you to accommodate them and I don't like that either. I wish we all could just be less critical of each other.

I can't think of a single food that I won't eat. I find picky eaters really tiresome.