Anonymous
03/18/2023 10:03
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are going to retire at 70 - DH and I both have cerebral jobs. We are going to sell our house and move in with our son - he and his wife have an inlaw apartment that is a perfect size for what DH and I want in an older stage of life. Their house is in a great area with tons to do, good hospitals and we are active people who hopefully won't have mobility issues. Our two DD's live ten minutes and a half hour from DS so we'll be pretty close to all the kids.
Gosh sounds enmeshed. Anyone else have tips without mental health baggage?
Not sure why you think that. We'll have our own entrance, and own kitchen and living space. It's like an apartment that's attached to his house. We get along very nicely with all our kids and we all enjoy spending time together. Dh and I have couple friends and our own friends. We each volunteer and have hobbies. We'll have plenty of time for all that plus for our kids. Right now they rent out the apartment. When we are a year or six months away from moving in, they're going to do some upgrades.
I’m so curious to know how the DIL feels about this and whose idea this was! This is super crazy close, I can’t imagine doing this to my kids. Do you not think about their marriage or privacy?
She and DS both suggested it to us. She seemed enthusiastic. She's mentioned it several times since in a positive way. I am not "doing this to my kids." My kids OFFERED this to DH and I. We will have as much privacy as we all want.
I’m sorry people here are being so annoying. Geez. People are spending more time trashing you than answering the questions!
Thanks - it's okay. We're confident in our plans. We have great communication and respect for each other in our family. My guess is the people who think it sounds horrible are assuming we don't all get along well.
I feel you are having a conversation with yourself. I’d bet money on it.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 10:01
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are going to retire at 70 - DH and I both have cerebral jobs. We are going to sell our house and move in with our son - he and his wife have an inlaw apartment that is a perfect size for what DH and I want in an older stage of life. Their house is in a great area with tons to do, good hospitals and we are active people who hopefully won't have mobility issues. Our two DD's live ten minutes and a half hour from DS so we'll be pretty close to all the kids.
Gosh sounds enmeshed. Anyone else have tips without mental health baggage?
Not sure why you think that. We'll have our own entrance, and own kitchen and living space. It's like an apartment that's attached to his house. We get along very nicely with all our kids and we all enjoy spending time together. Dh and I have couple friends and our own friends. We each volunteer and have hobbies. We'll have plenty of time for all that plus for our kids. Right now they rent out the apartment. When we are a year or six months away from moving in, they're going to do some upgrades.
I’m so curious to know how the DIL feels about this and whose idea this was! This is super crazy close, I can’t imagine doing this to my kids. Do you not think about their marriage or privacy?
Sounds like your son and DIL are a Freudian wet dream.
She and DS both suggested it to us. She seemed enthusiastic. She's mentioned it several times since in a positive way. I am not "doing this to my kids." My kids OFFERED this to DH and I. We will have as much privacy as we all want.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 09:59
Subject: Re:Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I didn’t make $300k and maxed out my 401k. There’s a lot I didn’t do in order to save that much.
What did you make?
Our HHI is 130k. We do not max out our 401k and I think the only way to do so would be to not have kids. As it is we only had one.
NP, I’ve been maxing out my 401k since I was 22 making 55k/yr. This has always been built into my expanses and money I’ve never had to spend so kids and daycare was irrelevant.
When was this? I graduated from college in 2003 and didn't make anything close to 55k/yr. I think my first salary was about 32k a year and that was considered pretty good, plus I was fortunate to have no college loans (in state school plus scholarship). I remember when I made the jump to 65k around 30 that was a big deal and changed how I could save, especially once I moved in with my fiancé and we could share living expenses. In my 20s, I lived in group housing and didn't go out a ton, but after rent and food, the very most I was going to be able to put away was maybe 8k a year.
2001 a company based in Tysons Corner. I also went to GMU so had no loans.
Do you have a humanities degree or something? Mine was all the rage in the late 90s. Management information Systems.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 09:34
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:No one has really answered your question, OP, which leads me to believe that no one wants to admit what their plans are or no one wants to admit that they don't have a plan.
My parents didn’t have a plan. I guess they thought they would just work forever. My mom ended up dying of cancer. Dad still lives in their modest home (not here) and drives Uber eats to supplement his social security. He doesn’t travel at all except driving to visit friends. He seems happy enough, but he always lived a simple life so it wasn’t a change for him.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 09:28
Subject: Re:Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Here are a few tips based on helping my parents navigate aging on slim retirement savings:
1. Stay out of senior rentals, assisted living, etc. for as long as you can. Even home health care aids 1-3x per day is less expensive than these settings. That being said, don’t drag it out too long if you really need it. It is a tricky balance to strike, but every few months in a less expensive setting is a month in a more expensive one. (I would give the opposite advice to someone more well-heeled: get into that kind of setting before you need it.).
2. Really work to understand what you are entitled to via-a-vis Medicare. I think my parents could have gotten reimbursed/covered by Medicare for some of their home health care aides. You can’t figure this out in advance, since the rules are always changing, but if/when the time comes try to dig into it.
3. De-clutter well in advance. Thankfully my parents largely did this but still had expenditures for rapid dispensing of belongings prior to quick moves.
4. Related to #1 above, be aware that many CCRC’s have re-branded themselves to Lifestyle something or others. The key here is that they no longer allow someone to come in and pay a flat rate for years of care, no matter which level of care you are in. Many of them now charge more for each level of service with the only advantage being priority admission. Some will also say that their Foundation arm will pay for lifelong care if you run out of money but they don’t actually contractually guarantee this.
1. Stay out of senior rentals, assisted living, etc. for as long as you can. Even home health care aids 1-3x per day is less expensive than these settings. That being said, don’t drag it out too long if you really need it. It is a tricky balance to strike, but every few months in a less expensive setting is a month in a more expensive one. (I would give the opposite advice to someone more well-heeled: get into that kind of setting before you need it.).
2. Really work to understand what you are entitled to via-a-vis Medicare. I think my parents could have gotten reimbursed/covered by Medicare for some of their home health care aides. You can’t figure this out in advance, since the rules are always changing, but if/when the time comes try to dig into it.
3. De-clutter well in advance. Thankfully my parents largely did this but still had expenditures for rapid dispensing of belongings prior to quick moves.
4. Related to #1 above, be aware that many CCRC’s have re-branded themselves to Lifestyle something or others. The key here is that they no longer allow someone to come in and pay a flat rate for years of care, no matter which level of care you are in. Many of them now charge more for each level of service with the only advantage being priority admission. Some will also say that their Foundation arm will pay for lifelong care if you run out of money but they don’t actually contractually guarantee this.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 08:48
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
No one has really answered your question, OP, which leads me to believe that no one wants to admit what their plans are or no one wants to admit that they don't have a plan.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 08:16
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be critical to the future retirees at 70 poster, but I remember clearly during my Lamaze/childbirth classes, the psychologist advised us future parents to avoid living in very close proximity with our in-laws. He said, “live at least over an hour away.”
Hard disagree. Just posted that my parents live 15 minutes away and it is perfect. For example, today (Saturday) we plan to drop them off after afternoon activities for a sleepover, have the evening to ourselves, and pick them up tomorrow morning for a lunchtime birthday party. We couldn’t do that if they lived an hour away.
Also I thought the comment about retiring at 70 due to cerebral jobs was interesting. Looking around my own cerebral workplace the number of people experiencing health problems in theirs 50s angv6ps necessitating retirement is depressing.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 07:29
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are going to retire at 70 - DH and I both have cerebral jobs. We are going to sell our house and move in with our son - he and his wife have an inlaw apartment that is a perfect size for what DH and I want in an older stage of life. Their house is in a great area with tons to do, good hospitals and we are active people who hopefully won't have mobility issues. Our two DD's live ten minutes and a half hour from DS so we'll be pretty close to all the kids.
Gosh sounds enmeshed. Anyone else have tips without mental health baggage?
Not sure why you think that. We'll have our own entrance, and own kitchen and living space. It's like an apartment that's attached to his house. We get along very nicely with all our kids and we all enjoy spending time together. Dh and I have couple friends and our own friends. We each volunteer and have hobbies. We'll have plenty of time for all that plus for our kids. Right now they rent out the apartment. When we are a year or six months away from moving in, they're going to do some upgrades.
I’m so curious to know how the DIL feels about this and whose idea this was! This is super crazy close, I can’t imagine doing this to my kids. Do you not think about their marriage or privacy?
She and DS both suggested it to us. She seemed enthusiastic. She's mentioned it several times since in a positive way. I am not "doing this to my kids." My kids OFFERED this to DH and I. We will have as much privacy as we all want.
I’m sorry people here are being so annoying. Geez. People are spending more time trashing you than answering the questions!
Thanks - it's okay. We're confident in our plans. We have great communication and respect for each other in our family. My guess is the people who think it sounds horrible are assuming we don't all get along well.
I haven’t posted on the thread before. I have a great relationship with my parents, but having them in an in-law suite or apartment would feel stifling. They live 15 minutes away and that is perfect. They have their independent lives and we have ours, and we meet several times a week. If DH and I have work travel or late nights, they stay over to help. Too much togetherness and dependency would ruin our relationship IMO. Just a caution for you. It may be better for them to keep renting out their apartment while you find another home nearby.
Bingo. That’s still too close for my tastes but reasonable. These folks will look back and realize what the ‘genius of the crowd’ is telling them. Alas, they want cake and eat it too - likely groomed their kids for this a long time ago.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 07:13
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be critical to the future retirees at 70 poster, but I remember clearly during my Lamaze/childbirth classes, the psychologist advised us future parents to avoid living in very close proximity with our in-laws. He said, “live at least over an hour away.”
Hard disagree. Just posted that my parents live 15 minutes away and it is perfect. For example, today (Saturday) we plan to drop them off after afternoon activities for a sleepover, have the evening to ourselves, and pick them up tomorrow morning for a lunchtime birthday party. We couldn’t do that if they lived an hour away.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 06:59
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are going to retire at 70 - DH and I both have cerebral jobs. We are going to sell our house and move in with our son - he and his wife have an inlaw apartment that is a perfect size for what DH and I want in an older stage of life. Their house is in a great area with tons to do, good hospitals and we are active people who hopefully won't have mobility issues. Our two DD's live ten minutes and a half hour from DS so we'll be pretty close to all the kids.
Gosh sounds enmeshed. Anyone else have tips without mental health baggage?
Not sure why you think that. We'll have our own entrance, and own kitchen and living space. It's like an apartment that's attached to his house. We get along very nicely with all our kids and we all enjoy spending time together. Dh and I have couple friends and our own friends. We each volunteer and have hobbies. We'll have plenty of time for all that plus for our kids. Right now they rent out the apartment. When we are a year or six months away from moving in, they're going to do some upgrades.
I’m so curious to know how the DIL feels about this and whose idea this was! This is super crazy close, I can’t imagine doing this to my kids. Do you not think about their marriage or privacy?
She and DS both suggested it to us. She seemed enthusiastic. She's mentioned it several times since in a positive way. I am not "doing this to my kids." My kids OFFERED this to DH and I. We will have as much privacy as we all want.
I’m sorry people here are being so annoying. Geez. People are spending more time trashing you than answering the questions!
Thanks - it's okay. We're confident in our plans. We have great communication and respect for each other in our family. My guess is the people who think it sounds horrible are assuming we don't all get along well.
I haven’t posted on the thread before. I have a great relationship with my parents, but having them in an in-law suite or apartment would feel stifling. They live 15 minutes away and that is perfect. They have their independent lives and we have ours, and we meet several times a week. If DH and I have work travel or late nights, they stay over to help. Too much togetherness and dependency would ruin our relationship IMO. Just a caution for you. It may be better for them to keep renting out their apartment while you find another home nearby.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 06:42
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:This is NOT the thread for people who can afford to max out their 401k every year without much sacrifice because they have an HHI of 300-400k, or who have family money, or who have a million dollars in equity in their huge houses.
This is a thread for middle class people who are far from poor but who must make hard choices between retirement savings and stuff like childcare expenses or college savings. Who probably have some home equity but also might retire in those homes so aren't necessarily cashing in for a big payday. You might have a pension from teaching or the military but it's like 3-4k a month, not 10k.
What are your normal person retirement plans? What are the best choices you feel you've made in this respect? Any regrets? What worries you most? Are you moving to a lower COL area or hoping to retire in your home once it's paid off? Does social security factor into your plans? How do you plan for end-of-life care? Will you have enough to do some of your bucket list retirement goals, like travel or being able to help pay for grandkids to go to college?
I'm just curious about how the not-rich people on these boards think about this issue.
I don’t know if we qualify, but our AGI has never been above $200k, although we are finally nearing it. It was just over $100k when our children were born 25 years ago. We “maxed” 401k to the max our employers would allow, but never the max allowed by the IRS. I will have a very small pension of around $700 a month. We saved so that SS would be helpful but not necessary. We have paid off the house. I am already retired and DH is scheduled for next year. He will be 63 and a half (he likes his job so he may extend that). That way we can do COBRA until he is 65. I will be on the ACA for about three years after that.
We plan on retiring to a somewhat less expensive area in New England. Housing is less but the property tax rates are higher so we plan on buying a house that costs less but the property tax will be about the same. It looks like we have over saved. We will travel and probably help our children with a down payment. At this point, grandchildren are somewhat unlikely, but things can change. We plan on self funding end of life care. It would just mean that our children would get a smaller inheritance.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 01:07
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to be critical to the future retirees at 70 poster, but I remember clearly during my Lamaze/childbirth classes, the psychologist advised us future parents to avoid living in very close proximity with our in-laws. He said, “live at least over an hour away.”
Same. Their children will realize the mistake they made by having this selfish bunch in their nest. Btdt. To retired folks - please seek some counseling and stay OUT of your children’s adult life. Famous line seems appropriate here: your failure to prepare (for your retirement) is not their emergency
Anonymous
03/18/2023 00:19
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are going to retire at 70 - DH and I both have cerebral jobs. We are going to sell our house and move in with our son - he and his wife have an inlaw apartment that is a perfect size for what DH and I want in an older stage of life. Their house is in a great area with tons to do, good hospitals and we are active people who hopefully won't have mobility issues. Our two DD's live ten minutes and a half hour from DS so we'll be pretty close to all the kids.
Gosh sounds enmeshed. Anyone else have tips without mental health baggage?
Not sure why you think that. We'll have our own entrance, and own kitchen and living space. It's like an apartment that's attached to his house. We get along very nicely with all our kids and we all enjoy spending time together. Dh and I have couple friends and our own friends. We each volunteer and have hobbies. We'll have plenty of time for all that plus for our kids. Right now they rent out the apartment. When we are a year or six months away from moving in, they're going to do some upgrades.
I’m so curious to know how the DIL feels about this and whose idea this was! This is super crazy close, I can’t imagine doing this to my kids. Do you not think about their marriage or privacy?
She and DS both suggested it to us. She seemed enthusiastic. She's mentioned it several times since in a positive way. I am not "doing this to my kids." My kids OFFERED this to DH and I. We will have as much privacy as we all want.
I’m sorry people here are being so annoying. Geez. People are spending more time trashing you than answering the questions!
Thanks - it's okay. We're confident in our plans. We have great communication and respect for each other in our family. My guess is the people who think it sounds horrible are assuming we don't all get along well.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 00:10
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:This is NOT the thread for people who can afford to max out their 401k every year without much sacrifice because they have an HHI of 300-400k, or who have family money, or who have a million dollars in equity in their huge houses.
This is a thread for middle class people who are far from poor but who must make hard choices between retirement savings and stuff like childcare expenses or college savings. Who probably have some home equity but also might retire in those homes so aren't necessarily cashing in for a big payday. You might have a pension from teaching or the military but it's like 3-4k a month, not 10k.
What are your normal person retirement plans? What are the best choices you feel you've made in this respect? Any regrets? What worries you most? Are you moving to a lower COL area or hoping to retire in your home once it's paid off? Does social security factor into your plans? How do you plan for end-of-life care? Will you have enough to do some of your bucket list retirement goals, like travel or being able to help pay for grandkids to go to college?
I'm just curious about how the not-rich people on these boards think about this issue.
You should never prioritize college savings over your own retirement.
Anonymous
03/18/2023 00:08
Subject: Middle-class, reasonable, not extravagant retirement plans
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are going to retire at 70 - DH and I both have cerebral jobs. We are going to sell our house and move in with our son - he and his wife have an inlaw apartment that is a perfect size for what DH and I want in an older stage of life. Their house is in a great area with tons to do, good hospitals and we are active people who hopefully won't have mobility issues. Our two DD's live ten minutes and a half hour from DS so we'll be pretty close to all the kids.
Gosh sounds enmeshed. Anyone else have tips without mental health baggage?
Not sure why you think that. We'll have our own entrance, and own kitchen and living space. It's like an apartment that's attached to his house. We get along very nicely with all our kids and we all enjoy spending time together. Dh and I have couple friends and our own friends. We each volunteer and have hobbies. We'll have plenty of time for all that plus for our kids. Right now they rent out the apartment. When we are a year or six months away from moving in, they're going to do some upgrades.
I’m so curious to know how the DIL feels about this and whose idea this was! This is super crazy close, I can’t imagine doing this to my kids. Do you not think about their marriage or privacy?
Not the PP but my Aunt has my grandparents live with her. It was a great arrangement for them, for her own family and for the extended family.