Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.

a 1yo is very time-intensive. This will get better. Also, your DH should make sure you can get some "you time". Even just an hour on the weekend so you can go for a run and listen to a podcast about something you are interested in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

Wow, so mean! Her youngest will be headed off to college (potentially) when she’s 48 and she’ll still be young enough to do everything she could possibly want! She has plenty of life ahead of her. Develop as an adult? I’d argue that raising 3 kids at 31 is a whole lot more adulting and responsibility than you had at that age.

It’s not mean, it’s fact. And at 22 the human brain hadn’t even fully developed. She never took the time to see who she was as an adult! It’s not responsible to have a kid young.

This is nonsense. My mom had me at 23 and she was the best mom. There are advantages and disadvantages no matter when you have kids. She was still young when we were in high school and she went back to school and started a new career. She is and has always been a vibrant, smart, fun and engaging person and a wonderful mom. I went the other way and had my kids older, because I was in school for a long time and didn't meet my husband until my 30s. I got to develop my career first. But I hope I am as good a mom to my kids as my mom was.

I used to be a person with interests. I have a job that drains my mental bandwidth so I'm lucky if I can cram my kids and DH into the little free time I have.

OP’s predicament has nothing to do with her age or the age or number of her children.

We got married at the same age and had four kids before turning 30. In that same time period we studied abroad and went to law and graduate school. We have always had plenty of interests and experiences and things to talk about beyond our kids.

I get this so much. I was feeling really uninteresting about a year ago (also have young kids who have a hard time falling asleep alone). I recommend starting with audiobooks when you put the youngest to sleep. Get a pair of wireless headphones and the Libby app (free audiobooks through your local library). Pick a few titles to put on hold (check out the librarian recommendations section in your preferred genre). I find even having a book to talk about makes me feel more interesting/interested in life. And you may find a friend wants to read the same title. Podcasts are great for this otherwise "wasted" time too! Smartless is one that gives you insight into movies/entertainment. I find it helps keep me current on interesting shows/movies more than I otherwise would know about.

I was the first to have kids in my friend group. It's been interesting watching nearly all my friends go through this stage too. Give it a few years, and you won't be hearing nearly as much about interesting travel and concerts, etc. Instead you'll all be on a group chat talking about the latest stomach bug going around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.

No, you don’t “have to,” you choose to. There are tons of books and resources out there on how to break this bad habit. But you won’t, you’ll just go the path of least resistance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

Having children young isn't always a choice. Sometimes it's just a matter of taking responsibility for an untimely mistake.

Abortions involve taking responsibility also.

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess - your youngest child is between the ages of... 3 and 6?

I think this is super common. Babies and toddlers are the ultimate time and energy sucks. Then, the youngest gets a bit older and all of a sudden - "Oh, gosh, am I boring? I have no other interests and nothing to talk about, what's wrong with me?" Nothing! You're just moving into a new phase of life (yay!)

So. You're obviously not dripping with time. But you have some, and it's likely to increase a bit in the coming years. So what do you want to do? Are there interests you used to have pre-kids that you'd like to pick back up? Are there other things that sound interesting? Now is your time to start thinking beyond your family. Congrats for reaching to next stage!

PP here - I just saw that you have a 1 year old. So it sounds to me like you're ahead of the curve. That probably means actually making movements towards interests and hobbies might be a year or two away - but if you're starting to think about it, now's the time to dream.

Let me guess - your youngest child is between the ages of... 3 and 6?

I think this is super common. Babies and toddlers are the ultimate time and energy sucks. Then, the youngest gets a bit older and all of a sudden - "Oh, gosh, am I boring? I have no other interests and nothing to talk about, what's wrong with me?" Nothing! You're just moving into a new phase of life (yay!)

So. You're obviously not dripping with time. But you have some, and it's likely to increase a bit in the coming years. So what do you want to do? Are there interests you used to have pre-kids that you'd like to pick back up? Are there other things that sound interesting? Now is your time to start thinking beyond your family. Congrats for reaching to next stage!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

Having children young isn't always a choice. Sometimes it's just a matter of taking responsibility for an untimely mistake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.

You need to sleep train. Have a firm bedtime for the one year old, and move on with your evening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?

OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.

Doesn’t your job give you things to chat about? Even my friends with jobs that are “just jobs” to them have some insights/funny stories from work.

What about exploring cooking/types of cuisines or wines? That is an easy—and yummy—hobby you can incorporate into presumably what you’re already doing in day-to-day life. If your kids complain about some new meal, either ignore them or give them a cheese sandwich and an apple. They’ll get over it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

Wow, so mean! Her youngest will be headed off to college (potentially) when she’s 48 and she’ll still be young enough to do everything she could possibly want! She has plenty of life ahead of her. Develop as an adult? I’d argue that raising 3 kids at 31 is a whole lot more adulting and responsibility than you had at that age.

It’s not mean, it’s fact. And at 22 the human brain hadn’t even fully developed. She never took the time to see who she was as an adult! It’s not responsible to have a kid young.

This doesn't mean what you think it means

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.

OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.

You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.

Wow, so mean! Her youngest will be headed off to college (potentially) when she’s 48 and she’ll still be young enough to do everything she could possibly want! She has plenty of life ahead of her. Develop as an adult? I’d argue that raising 3 kids at 31 is a whole lot more adulting and responsibility than you had at that age.

It’s not mean, it’s fact. And at 22 the human brain hadn’t even fully developed. She never took the time to see who she was as an adult! It’s not responsible to have a kid young.

This is stupid. First off, the brain is fully developed by 25ish so it’s not like OP was wandering around with 70 percent of her cognitive abilities.

It’s also a fact that a woman’s peak fertility years are between late teens and early 20s, then begins declining rapidly after 30 and even more so after 35 as the risk of complications rapidly rise. We can point to science to make a lot of bad arguments about when it’s best to be a parent.

Op, you’re a grown woman who is raising three children. I KNOW you have it in you to find some hobbies if you’d like to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. Truth is, the child rearing years are very encompassing. All my friends that have young children, pretty much disappear the first 10 or so years. Once the kids get older, the parents "re-emerge." It's just life, embrace it.

None of my friends are like that... I have eight-year-old twins, and my friends' kids are all basically within five years of them on either side. Between us we travel with girlfriends, play competitive sports (some at very high levels), are members of book/gardening/cooking clubs, read and watch TV, and 95% of us work.

Same. My kids are 7, 5, and 2 and I just went on a girls weekend. DH and I go out once a week. We have hobbies. We work. Same with our friends.