Anonymous wrote:My daughter has made the choice to go with a less selective college that feels like a great fit and has an excellent program for her academic interest plus a couple ECs she cares a lot about. But, I do see that she seems to be feeling now a bit apprehensive about the choice. The really great visit last Fall that tipped her strongly in its favor feels a long time away. One thing that was challenging for her is that she had a really mixed up academic profile -- very high SAT, strong rigor but, between some health issues and just plain difficulty balancing all the work ended up junior year with half As/half Bs so didn't have the GPA to be competitive for UVA/W&M and other more highly ranked schools that could be targets are not affordable. Since she didn't like the other in-state options, she mainly looked at LACs that give merit. She often struggles with 'buyers remorse" in other areas of life so I think her apprehension was likely an outcome regardless of what she decided. I think once she settles in she will be happy at the school she chose and I can see that it will offer great opportunities for her major.

Back in the 90s when I went to college I turned down my state's huge flagship for a regional school that was much more undergrad focused. I got some crap from classmates about the decision but was really encouraged to do that by my dad because the regional school was his favorite place to hire new grads. My mom told me recently that my dad had been really worried about the idea of me going to that big flagship. I was a painfully shy teen and I do think it would have been really hard and the undergrad-focused (but still pretty big) school was the right choice. I took a while to find my place but ultimately had a great experience there, found my community through a music group, and was well positioned for my career.

My kid got into his ED school and still had buyer's remorse. Some kids are just like that. (He ended up loving it). I went to a lower ranked SLAC that gave me a lot of merit instead of my well-regarded state flagship or a reach private school (Carnegie Mellon) that I by very slight chance happened to get into but had no possible way of affording. Few have heard of my SLAC but I think it taught me very well. I went on to an Ivy for a PhD. Good luck to your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:go with fit but make sure notion of “fit” is somewhat tangible. (not just the tour guide!)

OP here, I agree the tour guide has a lot to do with how the school 'shows'. In my daughter's case, the less selective school has a great academic program for her major but doesn't have the name recognition and it's considerably smaller than the other school she has listed as a short list contender. The school which has the more selective status has a good academic program, but is located in a more rural setting which isn't really what she wants. It's more of the location, size of the school and the feeling on campus that she likes better about the lesser known school.

I am very much happy about her attending either. She has done really well in high school but was never going to attend Harvard with her stats. She was accepted into UofM College Park but has already ruled it out because it's too big, but left Berry College in Georgia on the list. It's her #3 on the list though.

My daughter has made the choice to go with a less selective college that feels like a great fit and has an excellent program for her academic interest plus a couple ECs she cares a lot about. But, I do see that she seems to be feeling now a bit apprehensive about the choice. The really great visit last Fall that tipped her strongly in its favor feels a long time away. One thing that was challenging for her is that she had a really mixed up academic profile -- very high SAT, strong rigor but, between some health issues and just plain difficulty balancing all the work ended up junior year with half As/half Bs so didn't have the GPA to be competitive for UVA/W&M and other more highly ranked schools that could be targets are not affordable. Since she didn't like the other in-state options, she mainly looked at LACs that give merit. She often struggles with 'buyers remorse" in other areas of life so I think her apprehension was likely an outcome regardless of what she decided. I think once she settles in she will be happy at the school she chose and I can see that it will offer great opportunities for her major.

Back in the 90s when I went to college I turned down my state's huge flagship for a regional school that was much more undergrad focused. I got some crap from classmates about the decision but was really encouraged to do that by my dad because the regional school was his favorite place to hire new grads. My mom told me recently that my dad had been really worried about the idea of me going to that big flagship. I was a painfully shy teen and I do think it would have been really hard and the undergrad-focused (but still pretty big) school was the right choice. I took a while to find my place but ultimately had a great experience there, found my community through a music group, and was well positioned for my career.

Anonymous wrote:I chose the less selective school for law school. Most of the time, it feels like the right decision. I’m proud that I knew myself well enough to know what I needed and stick to it. But it’s also human nature to have “what if”s about that type of situation. A friend and her husband went to the more selective school, and their connections and alumni network are a world apart from mine. We still wound up in basically the same place career-wise, but it required more achievement on my end to stand out at the top of the class. They benefited just by having a degree from that school, period. Then again, the achievements were easier at a place that fit me well. So I think it ends up a bit “six of one, half dozen of the other.” There’s no right or wrong choice, just whichever your daughter thinks is best for her. (Congratulations to her!)

You might now have wound up where you are, if you stood out less at the higher ranked school (e.g., more lukewarm letters of recommendation? opportunities went to more impressive kids in the pool?). Hard to say what has gotten you the interviews and offers you got, but since you like the "ending," try not to "what if" it too much. (I say this as someone who turned down Harvard for grad school, something that many people told me was nuts. I am sure that decision influenced my life...but I will never know if it was for better or worse. )

Anonymous wrote:Ask her why she thinks she should like the more prestigious school. If it's because she and all of her friends think it's supposedly going to lead to a better life than the less selective school, have her read the essay below and look at relevant lists on this website. This helped my kid and some of her friends see that they'll be fine whichever of their colleges they choose.

https://lesshighschoolstress.com/

What a fantastic website — thanks for introducing it, PP! Our family leans toward not freaking out over selective admissions, but there’s a big gap psychologically between making that decision in theory and actually making the choice that (while best for us for other reasons) might cut down DDs chances at the most selective schools. DD is starts high school next year and I’ve been thinking a lot about this dilemma, so that website came along at exactly the right time.

Anonymous wrote:My child has been accepted into a college with a less selective ranking. She likes the school, it's a good fit and she was awarded considerable merit aid. She was also accepted into a more selective college and program. It's not as good of a fit. Older campus and not exactly the type of location she feels comfortable living in.

I've told her to go with her gut but she's struggling that she feels like she *should* like the more selective/prestigious school.

Any tips? I'm basically trying to guide her to where she will be happy but even I'm wondering how much I should push.

As someone who went to the "it's so great you don't turn it down" college and found it to be a terrible fit and transferred after two years, go with the best fit. It's hard on mental health and more challenging to be successful if the fit isn't right.

Anonymous wrote:I chose the less selective school for law school. Most of the time, it feels like the right decision. I’m proud that I knew myself well enough to know what I needed and stick to it. But it’s also human nature to have “what if”s about that type of situation. A friend and her husband went to the more selective school, and their connections and alumni network are a world apart from mine. We still wound up in basically the same place career-wise, but it required more achievement on my end to stand out at the top of the class. They benefited just by having a degree from that school, period. Then again, the achievements were easier at a place that fit me well. So I think it ends up a bit “six of one, half dozen of the other.” There’s no right or wrong choice, just whichever your daughter thinks is best for her. (Congratulations to her!)

I think it's very different for law schools from undergrad. I did a similar thing -- was waitlisted at my top choice; didn't get off the waitlist until orientation was underway, and decided to stay with lower-ranked school in the market I thought I would stay in. 25+ years later, I regret that decision mightily.

For undergrad, it's so much about fit, comfort level, and all the other intangibles that an 18 year old needs. Law school is essentially a 3-year trade school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to the admitted students day at both schools with an open mind. How far apart in rankings are we talking? My DC is in at a private school ranked around 40 (well known in major), but really prefers a public school admitted to that ranks around 120. I feel pretty strongly DC should go with the higher ranked school. DC likes both schools and likes the social scene, football games, etc. at the lower ranked school.

Please let your DC pick themselves! Don't keep mentioning the "rankings" It is their college experience and anyone who can get admitted to ~#40 is smart and motivated and will do well anywhere they go. But they will do best where they are happiest. Imagine if you force them to pick ~#40 and they are miserable--they will blame you forever and that would not be the type of relationship I'd want with my kid

So you would be okay with your kid picking say University of Tennessee (mainly for the social life and football games) over Boston University, Case Western or Tulane? Seriously? I guess I am in the minority on this thread, but I would not be thrilled.

I would strongly have a discussion about implications of the decision esp. since DC "likes both schools." I'm of the opinion that kids need to own their decision, but if their reasoning seems off-target to me I'd be more careful in helping them see the distinctions and more hesitant to put my financing behind it. I'd probably say you can go in-state to a public school with football games etc, but I'm only paying extra for a school I think will provide academic value. So if public school was OOS and cost more they would have to figure out the difference.

I chose the less selective school for law school. Most of the time, it feels like the right decision. I’m proud that I knew myself well enough to know what I needed and stick to it. But it’s also human nature to have “what if”s about that type of situation. A friend and her husband went to the more selective school, and their connections and alumni network are a world apart from mine. We still wound up in basically the same place career-wise, but it required more achievement on my end to stand out at the top of the class. They benefited just by having a degree from that school, period. Then again, the achievements were easier at a place that fit me well. So I think it ends up a bit “six of one, half dozen of the other.” There’s no right or wrong choice, just whichever your daughter thinks is best for her. (Congratulations to her!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go to the admitted students day at both schools with an open mind. How far apart in rankings are we talking? My DC is in at a private school ranked around 40 (well known in major), but really prefers a public school admitted to that ranks around 120. I feel pretty strongly DC should go with the higher ranked school. DC likes both schools and likes the social scene, football games, etc. at the lower ranked school.

Please let your DC pick themselves! Don't keep mentioning the "rankings" It is their college experience and anyone who can get admitted to ~#40 is smart and motivated and will do well anywhere they go. But they will do best where they are happiest. Imagine if you force them to pick ~#40 and they are miserable--they will blame you forever and that would not be the type of relationship I'd want with my kid

So you would be okay with your kid picking say University of Tennessee (mainly for the social life and football games) over Boston University, Case Western or Tulane? Seriously? I guess I am in the minority on this thread, but I would not be thrilled.

OP, you mentioned "selectivity". The school/program with the lowest acceptance rate does not mean the "best".

go with fit but make sure notion of “fit” is somewhat tangible. (not just the tour guide!)

Why are people so mysterious about what schools their kid selected?

My kid got into Tulane (with some merit $) and Boston U but chose UVM (also w merit and a significantly lower cost of attendance). It's been a great decision, and that's not even with considering what life must have been like at Tulane during a hurricane evacuation as a brand new freshman a couple of years ago

Once my kid established that Burlington met their definition of being a city where there were things to do other than be on campus, the only hard part of the decision was getting over my own foolish pride

Go to a place where you want to be, that affords opportunities for in-depth learning experiences in your chosen area, and the rankings are meaningless

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child has been accepted into a college with a less selective ranking. She likes the school, it's a good fit and she was awarded considerable merit aid. She was also accepted into a more selective college and program. It's not as good of a fit. Older campus and not exactly the type of location she feels comfortable living in.

I've told her to go with her gut but she's struggling that she feels like she *should* like the more selective/prestigious school.

Any tips? I'm basically trying to guide her to where she will be happy but even I'm wondering how much I should push.

Have an honest discussion with her that rankings do NOT matter that much. She needs to be happy for 4 years at college and FIT is extremely important. A kid who likes where they are and is happy will do so much better than one struggling at a school. Also, merit is huge. Talk about the benefits of significant merit aid. This would leave the door open for more easily paying for grad school if you don't have huge loans from undergrad.

This!

Picking a college is unfortunately like so many big $$$ decisions...you try to make the best decision, but you are doing so with only like 5% of the information you really need...and you won't know it until you live it.

Know many kids that had lengthy deliberations and picked their "fit" school only to be dissatisfied. Know many kids that kind of randomly picked a school based on ranking and general location and loved it.

Honestly, my only advice is make sure a kid isn't picking the school they visited in April over the school they visited in January in a Northern climate. Seasonal apples-to-apples really is important.