Anonymous
03/07/2023 09:11
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Too bad everyone jumped on your use of the word loser.
I'd like to hear actual advice.
- not OP
I’ll try. I’m raising a kid who isn’t interested in school and doesn’t care if he passes or fails. He’s not motivated or pushed by consequences and will dig in further. He hasn’t applied for any jobs and does minimal things around the house.
We constantly try not to engage him in power struggles that will make things worse. Sometimes we let him fail because we have no choice since we can’t make him do the work but it’s also a good lesson.
My husband and I get angry and we fight a lot since this causes a lot of stress even though we agree on most things. We are still saving for college and will help him with undergrad, even if he decides to go at 25.
We try to find anything he’s interested in and support him in that. Right now he occasionally brings up various vocational training or the military. We remind him he at least needs to get a GED and either of those would be good ideas.
Where's your line in the sand?
At what point do you plan on no longer enabling him to live off of you and your DH scotfree?
When he graduates high school he needs to enroll in college(community college is fine), vocational school, join the military or get a full time job. We have been clear that he can’t stay and do nothing. He hasn’t failed a class yet but squeaked by with some Ds. He will end up graduating since it’s less work than a GED. We have been very clear on our expectations.
Vocational Technology High School.
These used to be commonplace.
Why, oh WHY did educators in the US largely get rid of these high schools??
Was it the leftist crusade against “educational tracking??”
Anonymous
03/07/2023 07:28
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Too bad everyone jumped on your use of the word loser.
I'd like to hear actual advice.
- not OP
I’ll try. I’m raising a kid who isn’t interested in school and doesn’t care if he passes or fails. He’s not motivated or pushed by consequences and will dig in further. He hasn’t applied for any jobs and does minimal things around the house.
We constantly try not to engage him in power struggles that will make things worse. Sometimes we let him fail because we have no choice since we can’t make him do the work but it’s also a good lesson.
My husband and I get angry and we fight a lot since this causes a lot of stress even though we agree on most things. We are still saving for college and will help him with undergrad, even if he decides to go at 25.
We try to find anything he’s interested in and support him in that. Right now he occasionally brings up various vocational training or the military. We remind him he at least needs to get a GED and either of those would be good ideas.
Where's your line in the sand?
At what point do you plan on no longer enabling him to live off of you and your DH scotfree?
When he graduates high school he needs to enroll in college(community college is fine), vocational school, join the military or get a full time job. We have been clear that he can’t stay and do nothing. He hasn’t failed a class yet but squeaked by with some Ds. He will end up graduating since it’s less work than a GED. We have been very clear on our expectations.
I’m not in this situation but the above sounds very reasonable to me and I hope would be the same expectations I would have.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 07:20
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:If so, how do you deal? I have my own ideas about how to succeed and that success matters and kid has no ambition, no goals, is passive and takes no initiative to create anything or solve any problem. No amount of encouragement or modeling or pressure or support has changed this one iota. Still thinks life will magically work out.
this doesn't sound like a loser, just that that the kid is clueless and immature.
I wouldn't never consider my chid a loser. OP needs to pivot their mindset.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 07:11
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:If so, how do you deal? I have my own ideas about how to succeed and that success matters and kid has no ambition, no goals, is passive and takes no initiative to create anything or solve any problem. No amount of encouragement or modeling or pressure or support has changed this one iota. Still thinks life will magically work out.
Since you've already determined your kid is a loser why are you wasting your time?
Anonymous
03/07/2023 06:23
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:I'm raising a severely ADHD kiddo, who actually DOES have academic and career goals. But he can't drive to save his life, is late everywhere, and needs extended time to hand in work.
Perhaps you've entirely missed learning disabilities, anxiety or depression in your own child, and given the way you communicate here, they're not going to share any inner turmoil with you.
Way to be a failed parent, OP.
Not to hijack, but how are you/he managing the driving? Is he taking any special classes, etc? My child us the same.
Anonymous
03/07/2023 06:18
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Too bad everyone jumped on your use of the word loser.
I'd like to hear actual advice.
- not OP
I’ll try. I’m raising a kid who isn’t interested in school and doesn’t care if he passes or fails. He’s not motivated or pushed by consequences and will dig in further. He hasn’t applied for any jobs and does minimal things around the house.
We constantly try not to engage him in power struggles that will make things worse. Sometimes we let him fail because we have no choice since we can’t make him do the work but it’s also a good lesson.
My husband and I get angry and we fight a lot since this causes a lot of stress even though we agree on most things. We are still saving for college and will help him with undergrad, even if he decides to go at 25.
We try to find anything he’s interested in and support him in that. Right now he occasionally brings up various vocational training or the military. We remind him he at least needs to get a GED and either of those would be good ideas.
Where's your line in the sand?
At what point do you plan on no longer enabling him to live off of you and your DH scotfree?
When he graduates high school he needs to enroll in college(community college is fine), vocational school, join the military or get a full time job. We have been clear that he can’t stay and do nothing. He hasn’t failed a class yet but squeaked by with some Ds. He will end up graduating since it’s less work than a GED. We have been very clear on our expectations.
Anonymous
03/06/2023 21:26
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:If so, how do you deal? I have my own ideas about how to succeed and that success matters and kid has no ambition, no goals, is passive and takes no initiative to create anything or solve any problem. No amount of encouragement or modeling or pressure or support has changed this one iota. Still thinks life will magically work out.
Have him watch Andrew Tate videos. No kidding. It seems to light a fire under boys to seek self-improvement.
Anonymous
03/06/2023 21:21
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Op I get it
My brother is your son. Except he did finish HS he was in Florida public so that was pretty much a no brained although his own child did not. She never stood a chance having him as a dad. Whole mother issue
My parents are not to blame my brother was always like this .
We are three years apart in school he had no interest in anything what so ever . Working lol no never .
This was not a learning disability more mental health.
My parents tried everything nothing worked they kicked him out bec a psychiatrist told them to then he got his gf pregnant they got married disaster
I’m sorry op
My brother is your son. Except he did finish HS he was in Florida public so that was pretty much a no brained although his own child did not. She never stood a chance having him as a dad. Whole mother issue
My parents are not to blame my brother was always like this .
We are three years apart in school he had no interest in anything what so ever . Working lol no never .
This was not a learning disability more mental health.
My parents tried everything nothing worked they kicked him out bec a psychiatrist told them to then he got his gf pregnant they got married disaster
I’m sorry op
Anonymous
03/06/2023 21:13
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:My son, unfortunately, has a friend like this. They are on the same soccer team. According to his mom, soccer and video games are the only two things he does.
She's always holding her breath each school year at the very end to see if he'll pass or fail. He's so far skirted through and is now in the 11th grade. He has zero ambition according to her. He does the bare minimum and that's it. When they ground him and take away electronics, he sleeps. He does no chores and neither parent can make him do anything. Sad situation.
He's had 3 jobs and been fired at all 3 within weeks of starting due to his laziness and terrible personality.
I hear you, PP.
I believe Jeff has heard you too. He created a new sub forum “Adult Children” to broadly cover this topic.
But, if you read the threads, it is apparent many parents are struggling with children who “fail to launch,” lack ambition, can’t or won’t find work, lack drive and ambition, struggle with addiction to marijuana, alcohol, and other substances, etc.
The pandemic certainly did not help the problem.
Anonymous
03/06/2023 21:10
Subject: Re:Anybody raising a loser?
The kid I knew like this thrives (and is still thriving) in the military 10 years later. He decided at 20ish that he didn’t want to live in his mom and dad’s basement forever.
Anonymous
03/06/2023 21:08
Subject: Re:Anybody raising a loser?
It’s because you’ve told him for 17 years that he’s doing everything wrong. There is nothing he can do to please you, so he just does nothing. This kind of thing only happens in opposition to someone or something.
Anonymous
03/06/2023 20:51
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Honest answer: Rule out depression and inattentive Adhd. Even autism if that resonates. These things (especially if they present in a non typical way) can cause kids to develop coping methods that often look like laziness and poor behavior.
Anonymous
03/06/2023 20:44
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:My son, unfortunately, has a friend like this. They are on the same soccer team. According to his mom, soccer and video games are the only two things he does.
She's always holding her breath each school year at the very end to see if he'll pass or fail. He's so far skirted through and is now in the 11th grade. He has zero ambition according to her. He does the bare minimum and that's it. When they ground him and take away electronics, he sleeps. He does no chores and neither parent can make him do anything. Sad situation.
He's had 3 jobs and been fired at all 3 within weeks of starting due to his laziness and terrible personality.
When Rafa Nadal isn't playing tennis, he says he plays video games all the time........
Anonymous
03/06/2023 20:00
Subject: Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Too bad everyone jumped on your use of the word loser.
I'd like to hear actual advice.
- not OP
I’ll try. I’m raising a kid who isn’t interested in school and doesn’t care if he passes or fails. He’s not motivated or pushed by consequences and will dig in further. He hasn’t applied for any jobs and does minimal things around the house.
We constantly try not to engage him in power struggles that will make things worse. Sometimes we let him fail because we have no choice since we can’t make him do the work but it’s also a good lesson.
My husband and I get angry and we fight a lot since this causes a lot of stress even though we agree on most things. We are still saving for college and will help him with undergrad, even if he decides to go at 25.
We try to find anything he’s interested in and support him in that. Right now he occasionally brings up various vocational training or the military. We remind him he at least needs to get a GED and either of those would be good ideas.
Where's your line in the sand?
At what point do you plan on no longer enabling him to live off of you and your DH scotfree?
Anonymous
03/06/2023 19:56
Subject: Re:Anybody raising a loser?
Anonymous wrote:I guess you could ask your parents.
Bingo! You suck OP