The big problem with the reflex of taking the phone away because you're a lazy parent who can't think of how to actually align consequences to infraction is what are you going to do when your kid is driving? Take the car away reflexively? You might say yes, but then you quickly discover that your child's car use actually is a convenience to YOU.

So, stop being lazy. Tie consequences to infractions.

You take away the phone if they're abusing the phone in some way. Absolutely.

But not for something that has nothing to do with phone use. In that case you're doing it because you can't think of any other form of discipline.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you take her phone away for vaping in class? That doesn't make sense. What does the phone have to do with the infraction?

But, no, you're not the only one who grounds their kids. But usually I align the consequence with the infraction. Taking a phone away for something not phone related doesn't make sense.

Disagree. Taking away the phone and electronics ALWAYS makes sense!

Maybe for lazy parents who can't think of better and more appropriate discipline.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me the word grounding means can’t go out anywhere. I don’t ground my kid but I do take screens away, dessert away etc. she’s in 6th. She lied to me one Friday about not having homework and then was doing it Sunday night at bedtime. She lost all screens for an entire week because she was in her tablet both weekend mornings when she could have been doing homework.

I would never use food as a reward or punishment.

+1. Food should NOT be linked to guilt, exemplary behavior, reward, or punishment. Especially for teenage girls!!!

A agree with food but this is not "food", it's excess and completely unnecessary junk: candy, treats, sugar, etc.

Anonymous wrote:THANKS!!! I am showing this to her!!!

The insecurity in this statement is staggering for an adult with teenaged children.

I advise you to not show her this, and get some therapy.

My kids are pretty easy & haven’t done anything worth grounding over

Yes, OP. You’re the only one! That’s why the word “grounding” exists, and you used in your thread title, knowing everyone would know exactly what it meant—because you are the only one who does it.

Yes, taking away driving or delay it but not "ultimate Punishment" which would be the phone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you take her phone away for vaping in class? That doesn't make sense. What does the phone have to do with the infraction?

But, no, you're not the only one who grounds their kids. But usually I align the consequence with the infraction. Taking a phone away for something not phone related doesn't make sense.

What would you do as punishment for vaping at school?

Not OP, but their backpack and room would be subject to random searches and drug tests. I would prevent them from going out unsupervised with friends for X amount of time, like a month or more. I likely would not take the phone, since I’ve found aligning things to what they did seems to work better.

Agree with the bolded. Random punishments after a certain age just doesn't work as well, imo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me the word grounding means can’t go out anywhere. I don’t ground my kid but I do take screens away, dessert away etc. she’s in 6th. She lied to me one Friday about not having homework and then was doing it Sunday night at bedtime. She lost all screens for an entire week because she was in her tablet both weekend mornings when she could have been doing homework.

I would never use food as a reward or punishment.

+1. Food should NOT be linked to guilt, exemplary behavior, reward, or punishment. Especially for teenage girls!!!

I've got 3 kids and only one has ever been "grounded" - meaning, she couldn't participate in any non-academic/non-sport activity. That included using her cell phone or laptop unless she was in a supervised area. Shecwas grounded for shoplifting. Two years later, she was grounded again for telling me shecwas going for a run but was, instead, meeting up with her BF. She wasn't grounded for being with her BF. She was grounded for lying.

I've got 2 other kids with ADHD. They have made some poor choices and recieved consequences but not grounding. I was surprised my DD was shoplifting but it was a symptom of an underlying anxiety/depression issue. It doesn't excuse what she did but did lead us to find a counselor for her znd, eventually, medication for the anxiety which I hadn't realized she suffered from.

Oh, my kids do have curfews, too. I'm flexible if they communicate with me AND they keep up with stuff. My DD has said that although she sometimes finds it annoying, she does know that they are beneficial.

Anonymous wrote:To me the word grounding means can’t go out anywhere. I don’t ground my kid but I do take screens away, dessert away etc. she’s in 6th. She lied to me one Friday about not having homework and then was doing it Sunday night at bedtime. She lost all screens for an entire week because she was in her tablet both weekend mornings when she could have been doing homework.

I would never use food as a reward or punishment.

Anonymous wrote:First of all, kids always say no one else is...fill in the blank. One, they lie. Two, who cares.

For vaping I would make sure I cut off any money supply and that the kid was home or with me when not in school. I would also do random searches of room and backpack and drug test randomly.

Re the bolded, one interesting thing for me was when my 7th grader told me no one else he knew was required to make their own lunch every day (which he hated) or do all the dishes after dinner each night, which he was fine with. I scoffed at this and started asking friends and acquaintances. He was literally the only one in a sample of 40 kids making his own lunch and one of a small handful doing the dishes. I had to apologize to him.

My teen and tween have never done anything that would make me ground them. But I have limited screentime on occasion when my kids were too distracted and needed to focus.

Anonymous wrote:My DD keeps telling me that I’m the only one to take her phone away ground her when she gets in trouble…:. She got her phone taken away for almost a week when she was caught vaping in class, skipping or getting written up for Misbehaving… why aren’t other parents disciplining their kids when they act up?

I regularly take away the phone/electronics but for far less. They only get phone for my convince when out of the house. If mine vaped... it would be way more than a week. Skipped class...yup, you are 100% right but if its regular occurrence, longer.

Anonymous wrote:The fact you believed your daughter enough to come here and ask us this question is hilarious. She must be constantly pulling the wool over your eyes.

+1