I can take a day or two to get back to people sometimes. I'm busy, and I don't want to start a long back and forth until I'm ready. I don't have the bandwidth for it, I'm tired, and I need to wait until I can create the time to make it a priority. I will, but I am not your monkey and will not be immediate.

Go find someone else in the meantime.

There's always time for the things you put first

Obvious but a valuable reminder. If friendships are -way- down the list of your priorities ... that's where they are. And people pick-up on that.

I am pretty good at immediately responding to texts that are just typical inane text stuff.

But if you throw out a text that you want to do international travel, and she said yes.... I would immediately go quiet too. Because I work a lot, DH works a lot, we both travel for work, we have a SN kid, no family in town... the logistics of these kinds of invites are so overwhelming to me. I don't have adhd, and in fact am an exceptionally organized person, but my "non work personal to-do list items" is like 30 items long right now. The idea of adding "plan intl trip" to the list is more than I can commit to. Last month I actually turned down a fun black tie party event with friends because the idea of finding a black tie dress with only 3 weeks notice was so stressful to me because I literally don't have the time.

Twenty years ago when I didn't have a stressful job or SN kid, I didn't have the money to do this kind of stuff - so I would have gone silent then too.

Point is - if I got this invite from a good friend I would love the idea for a split second, and then reality would sink in and I'd go silent.

I think you are just young enough to not really have had much of an analog childhood. Im 39 (ADHD and introverted) and was a junior in high school when cell phones first started going mainstream amongst my friends and even the. Even those basic phones ramped up my anxiety--i just hated the idea that someone could reach me at anytime and expect an immediate response.

Consider that the way we communicate today has been around for all of 1 second of human history and suits some more than others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, friends need to be able to communicate in mutually satisfying ways. If she consistently takes much longer than a few days to respond to texts, to the point that it’s hard to plan things or keep in touch, and you can’t find another easy way to keep in touch, it’s okay for that to be an issue.

I’m mid-40s, have three kids, work FT, etc., but I still make time to prioritize communicating with the friendships I want to keep. It’s not “needy” to want to keep in touch with friends - what’s the point if you rarely correspond?

Yes, but as a PP some people physically and cognitively cannot do it, especially those who are neurotypical…

Yeah, there are SO many ways for people to communicate. So many ways. I didn’t say they had to text as OP would prefer - I said mutually satisfying ways. How can you sustain a friendship if you never communicate with each other?

Never communicate? Clearly the friend does communicate- she isn’t ghosting OP.

OP what’s the latest with your friend?

you assume people have their cell out all day - i keep mine in my purse when i am at work and sometimes if i get home after 9 or 10 i don't check it until i am on my way back to work the next morning. I think you have to find friends who are comfortable w/ your communication style - I am not ignoring texts - don't see them. But I am on email all day and can respond to that quickly - this has caused issues with former friends who needed more constant immediate touches and I let those friendships lapse because it doesn't work to have some one always mad at you

Oh gosh- probably unitentianally-
I'll see a text come in while I'm in the car pool lane and think "I'll respond when I get home", and then something side tracks me, other texts come in the the text is bumped down the line and then days later I realize I hadn't replied..... no bad intention, just get busy with stuff and forget for awhile

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, friends need to be able to communicate in mutually satisfying ways. If she consistently takes much longer than a few days to respond to texts, to the point that it’s hard to plan things or keep in touch, and you can’t find another easy way to keep in touch, it’s okay for that to be an issue.

I’m mid-40s, have three kids, work FT, etc., but I still make time to prioritize communicating with the friendships I want to keep. It’s not “needy” to want to keep in touch with friends - what’s the point if you rarely correspond?

Yes, but as a PP some people physically and cognitively cannot do it, especially those who are neurotypical…

Yeah, there are SO many ways for people to communicate. So many ways. I didn’t say they had to text as OP would prefer - I said mutually satisfying ways. How can you sustain a friendship if you never communicate with each other?

Anonymous wrote:You don’t plan an international trip via text. Send an email.

I just did this with my sister yesterday. I texted her—I’m planing to go to Paris on these dates, do you want to go? She responded yes. My next text was ok, I’m buying tickets. Her text back to me was a picture of her passport.

From text start to tickets purchased was about 30min. There was one additional text on my end to my ex to make sure that the kids could be with him in those dates. He texted back “yep”

I do this all the time. If I don’t respond immediately it can be days. If the text is on read, I will forget I got it.

The only time I got annoyed with stuff along the same lines as what you're talking about in your OP is when friends say or text stuff like they don't have time to hangout with anyone but then you see them on social media hanging out with other people. This happened with one of my close friends she was going on about how she won't have time to hangout with anyone for a while and then literally the next day I see her on social media out with her cousin. It took everything in me to comment on her social media page oh I thought you were too busy to hangout with anyone? Luckily I had enough sense not to do that and instead just dialed back on the friendship because I figured if you can make time for other people while simultaneously telling me you're just wayyyyy too busy to hangout with anyone that these other people are more of a priority and I'm not enough of a priority so I just don't reach out anymore and just take what they are willing to put into the friendship

If you want to get hold of me, call me on phone. If not, call my DH because he walks around with his phone.

If I don't pick the phone, call me several times at different time.

oh, aren't you special
Friendships are between equals. Friends make an equal effort. Chasing after you is not a nice thing for you to expect.

Anonymous wrote:OP, friends need to be able to communicate in mutually satisfying ways. If she consistently takes much longer than a few days to respond to texts, to the point that it’s hard to plan things or keep in touch, and you can’t find another easy way to keep in touch, it’s okay for that to be an issue.

I’m mid-40s, have three kids, work FT, etc., but I still make time to prioritize communicating with the friendships I want to keep. It’s not “needy” to want to keep in touch with friends - what’s the point if you rarely correspond?

Yes, but as a PP some people physically and cognitively cannot do it, especially those who are neurotypical…

Anonymous wrote:I am that person. I am not on social media and I do not check texts, emails and voice mails promptly. I will get to it in a week or 10 days etc.

If you want to get hold of me, call me on phone. If not, call my DH because he walks around with his phone.

If I don't pick the phone, call me several times at different time.

No thanks. You can return my call. I am not chasing you.

I don't take things like this to heart, but I do match other people's energy. If a friend can't or won't see me/communicate with me, that's fine. They know where to find me. But I generally do not reach out more than once.