Anonymous
02/17/2023 12:28
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is a nanny for the night possible? Or ask your family member relative or friend, anyone who is willing. If your DH needs to work at least ask him to stay for Friday or/and Saturday night, ask the mom at the same room first then tell DH the mom won’t mind unless the mom’s not comfortable with it.
Are you serious....asking someone else's permission to care for your own sick child overnight?! No. If they want to give the other family a heads up so they can change plans if they're "uncomfortable" sure. but there is a 0% chance I'd be ok with someones weird gender comfort issues (that this family is projecting on to this mom and its likely she doesn't even have them) keep a dad from taking care of their own recovering child. wtf.
You don’t have to be rude. I don’t think the other mom would say no, just an effective way to have the husband stay for the night if he has concerns.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 12:23
Subject: Re:Child in the hospital: need ideas
Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.
DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.
However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.
I think we are all skeptical that your DH’s concern is truly due to a fear of making the other mother uncomfortable versus his own selfish desire to spend each night comfortably in his own bed. Given that he’s clearly not at all concerned about his own wife being at ease, but rather expects you to just go without sleep for weeks on end, it’s a little hard to believe that he’s truly that concerned about discomforting a complete stranger. There is no expectation of privacy in a shared hospital room.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 12:11
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
Anonymous wrote:Can you talk to the staff at the rehab center, share your husband’s concerns, and see what they say? There maybe another bathroom in the facility he can use.
Also, your husband doesn’t need to take a shower just because he spends the night there.
What?! Staff are going to think this "concern" is ridiculous in the scheme of all they deal with.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 12:10
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
Anonymous wrote:Is a nanny for the night possible? Or ask your family member relative or friend, anyone who is willing. If your DH needs to work at least ask him to stay for Friday or/and Saturday night, ask the mom at the same room first then tell DH the mom won’t mind unless the mom’s not comfortable with it.
Are you serious....asking someone else's permission to care for your own sick child overnight?! No. If they want to give the other family a heads up so they can change plans if they're "uncomfortable" sure. but there is a 0% chance I'd be ok with someones weird gender comfort issues (that this family is projecting on to this mom and its likely she doesn't even have them) keep a dad from taking care of their own recovering child. wtf.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 12:08
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
Is a nanny for the night possible? Or ask your family member relative or friend, anyone who is willing. If your DH needs to work at least ask him to stay for Friday or/and Saturday night, ask the mom at the same room first then tell DH the mom won’t mind unless the mom’s not comfortable with it.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 12:06
Subject: Re:Child in the hospital: need ideas
Op you should not be considering asking your extended family/friends to sleep overnight in a shared hospital room with your child to protect your husband from a potentially mildly uncomfortable situation. He needs to get over it and be a parent. Think about it, if the other kid sharing the hospital room was the child of a single father would you yourself refuse to take a turn staying overnight with your own young child because you were uncomfortable? If I were your friend/family member, of course I would be happy to take a shift to help to lighten the load but honestly I would be so annoyed/disgusted if I realized that the actual father was not even participating in the rotation. You should have been alternating every other night from the beginning and sorry, but to echo prior posters your husband kind of sucks.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:57
Subject: Re:Child in the hospital: need ideas
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP.
Wow, lots of hate for DH. I think I may have not characterized his concern well. There is a single bathroom/ shower in the room that would be shared with the other mom and her kid (mine is in a diaper due to movement restrictions). He was concerned she wouldn’t be at ease if he were there showering/ sleeping. It’s like sharing a small hotel room right now with the very thin curtain. Unfortunately there aren’t private rooms as the pediatric side isn’t that large. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the bed or extra care for our son.
DH is doing everything at home. Daycare and elementary school drop offs/pick ups, cooking, sports, and work. So he isn’t just hanging at home alone. He is also spending weekends here with our son.
However, I understand the sentiment that he needs to suck it up. Just want to be cognizant of the other family’s feelings.
No we understood why he said he was uncomfortable and didn't think it was the care of his son.
I don't think he should shower there. He's just there for the night. And I'd encourage him to take #2 down the hall in the visitor's restroom too.
+1 OP I am sorry for your stressful situation but your DH is being absurd. If I were the other mom whose child is also going thru a very difficult thing (clearly if her DD is in the hospital for a long stay as well) the last thing I could imagine caring about was some other DH who is there to focus on his own kid.
What if it was a single dad, or the mother was having a situation that prevented her from being the primary caregiver?
The gender aspect here is a real non-issue and seems like an excuse to everyone reading it.
Yes this exactly. He can give the other family a heads up but this is something he needs to do for many reasons and it’s so so strange he’s arguing with you. I feel so bad for your other kids. They all need to see both parents.
I hope your child heals quickly.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:47
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
Anonymous wrote:The other family is going to be fine. Just mention your husband is staying. Assuming your husband is going to sleep fully clothed in the chair, nothing to even blink about. Everyone’s worrying about their own child and just trying to get some rest at the hospital. My DH and I switched off even when we had to share a room with another family. You just don’t shower there. DH can shower before he comes in the evening or after he leaves in the morning. Usage of bathroom otherwise is normal and not uncomfortable.
+1
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:45
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
Your husbands reaction makes me suspicious of him....its not normal behavior to think this way about a situation like this unless you're a sketchy person yourself (who either acts on it or is like mike pence and cant even allow themselves to be unsupervised with a woman)
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:44
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
Can you talk to the staff at the rehab center, share your husband’s concerns, and see what they say? There maybe another bathroom in the facility he can use.
Also, your husband doesn’t need to take a shower just because he spends the night there.
Also, your husband doesn’t need to take a shower just because he spends the night there.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:43
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
We've been in that situation and it never once crossed my mind that there was any issue with DH staying there over night with DS.
It's a childrens hospital. Children have parents who need to be there. Some kids only have dads.
Also, Your other kids also need to see you. A month is a long time - it's time for you two to figure out a sustainable schedule for everyone.
It's a childrens hospital. Children have parents who need to be there. Some kids only have dads.
Also, Your other kids also need to see you. A month is a long time - it's time for you two to figure out a sustainable schedule for everyone.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:36
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
its a hospital, not a hotel room! i can't imagine caring about anything less of whether or not the other parent staying was male or female if I was busy tending to my recovering child
even if someone was sketchy (which wouldn't cross my mind...who would be sketchy in a room with 2 sick kids?!) a hospital is a well monitored place, not exactly a haven of bad behavior
even if someone was sketchy (which wouldn't cross my mind...who would be sketchy in a room with 2 sick kids?!) a hospital is a well monitored place, not exactly a haven of bad behavior
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:24
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
I agree that DH needs to take multiple shifts a week. I would also ask other family and close friends if they could stay for a night. 4-6 weeks is a long time- you need help.
When my FIL was in the hospital dying my MIL didn’t want him to be left alone at all there- including overnights. She spent most of the nights there but I slept there one night for her (as did many other people). One night of bad/no sleep for me was no big deal. I was really happy to do it.
Your friends may love to serve you in this way- give them the opportunity to do so!
When my FIL was in the hospital dying my MIL didn’t want him to be left alone at all there- including overnights. She spent most of the nights there but I slept there one night for her (as did many other people). One night of bad/no sleep for me was no big deal. I was really happy to do it.
Your friends may love to serve you in this way- give them the opportunity to do so!
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:21
Subject: Child in the hospital: need ideas
I would rather my friend help out at my house, not sit with my sick kid at the hospital.
Anonymous
02/17/2023 11:19
Subject: Re:Child in the hospital: need ideas
Anonymous wrote:Ask close friends and family to do some nights. I would 100 percent do this for a friend.
And your DH should do it. It honestly would not have crossed my mind that your DH shouldn't. How do you know the other lady isn't going to have a dad show up some night soon? They are not in a tiny hotel room at all. They are in a hospital caring for children with people in and out of the room constantly. It's fine.