Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:52     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you and your wife take the kids to Dubai?

The fact that the 18 year old (adult) wants to go to Dubai to grow her Insta page is just sad and says a lot of your wife. Just set up an Only Fans studio in the basement. Then she can earn enough money to become a certified Insta Hoe.


Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:50     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:Lol I think your brothers response was golden. Why did you marry this woman? She sounds awful.


+100
Wth would he take her kids?? It doesn’t sound like he even really know them. You are newly married.

Never would I assume my BIL would take me kids, much less would I expect or ask if he would. That’s their thing. Period.

They are bonding with their niece who they have known their entire lives. Your kids are old let’s not pretend this is some blended family of siblings.

Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:49     Subject: Re:My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:I know this sounds crazy and unbelievable. I don't blame anyone for thinking that. Here is the thing my wife and I have been together for 7 years. This is not some brief relationship where I lost my head and rushed into marriage. In hindsight I guess we should have waited longer to combine households. This was never an issue before we got married. My daughter likes her stepmom and she has so little interaction with my stepkids it never crossed my mind this would be an issue. You guys are kind of scaring me with all the divorce talk. I said the marriage was doomed out of frustration not because I actually want a divorce. I know I need to talk to my brother about what he said about not liking the kids but I can't defend my wife and her actions. As for paying for college my daughter has a 529 college savings account which is fully funded. My wife and her ex husband are responsible for paying for their kids college and unfortunately they will have to take out loans. This was discussed before we got married and it was agreed we are responsible for taking care of our own kids. We keep finances separate. As far as vacations go my daughter will always be invited. I guess seeing a therapist is the answer.


Yeah. You’re not planning for any kind of equality between the kids and the resentment is going to get worse, not better. It was foolish of you not to take this into account when your stepdaughters were young if this is really a seven-year relationship.

For what it’s worth, while I think you’re pretty callous in your treatment of your stepdaughters, I think your wife is actually the worse parent by setting her girls up for a lifetime as the poor stepsisters.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:48     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:OP, are you and your wife for real? If you are, please join therapy. Why would she demand freebies from anyone and then get upset with them.

However, if i was your brother, i wouldn't have engaged with her out of respect for you. That being said, let her know that it was her decision to approach him so you aren't going to be a party in it.


NP. Agree with this post, in whole and the bold especially.

The wife is being a brat.

Her kids are being brats.

The brother is being blunt which many here find admirable; but he took the low road and only fed into the wife's craziness and fueled more conflict. I agree with brother that wife and her kids are brats; however, he had a chance to be the adult in the room and...didn't take it. Well, it can't be unsaid (or, un-texted) now.

OP needs to do as the PP above says and tell wife it was her choice to go directly to his brother and remind wife that OP did tell her, months ago (it's in his post) that brother would not deal well with criticism just like this. In almost any other circumstance, I would be saying that OP should at least tell his brother that the language used with OP's wife was inflammatory and brother took the low road responding to her diatribe with a diatribe of his own; however, in this particular case, I'm with PP. Tell wife his brother owes her children nothing.

OP, is the 18-year-old leaving home soon? Going to college or elsewhere? She sounds spoiled rotten and overly invested in her social media. I pity the younger kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:46     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Why don’t you and your wife take the kids to Dubai?

The fact that the 18 year old (adult) wants to go to Dubai to grow her Insta page is just sad and says a lot of your wife. Just set up an Only Fans studio in the basement. Then she can earn enough money to become a certified Insta Hoe.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:46     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
You all sound a little nuts. If you blend a family with teenagers, you need to be very sensitive to their feelings. Were the stepdaughters wrong to throw a tantrum? Yes, BUT - it’s human nature to feel jealous when a step sibling is given something so extravagant. I would have told brother and SIL that while the kids are all living under the same roof, there will be NO extravagant gifts for your daughter. When she is an adult and out of your house, fine - but not until then.

You are Married! Your step kids are part of your family. There should be no yours/mine/ours. Have some sensitivity.

Was the wife wrong to confront BIL? Yes.

So much wrongness to go around!
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:42     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.


Kids are only entitled to room , board, tuition expense for 4 yrs in in state public college. That is all. They are not entitled to anything that their parents do not want to give them.

A trip is a reward. Neither the mother, nor the kids are deserving of a reward.


It doesn’t sound like his daughter is getting this because she’s “deserving”.

Kids are people. Raising three daughters as less-than their stepsister without taking steps to make sure they get similar if not equivalent experiences is setting up a lifetime of resentment, and the mother is probably aware of this. Hope OPs daughter is planning to take care of her dad and step mother in their old age because I foresee a lot of missed holidays and visits from the daughters being left behind.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:42     Subject: Re:My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:This is definitely a troll.

Absolutely.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:40     Subject: Re:My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
I know this sounds crazy and unbelievable. I don't blame anyone for thinking that. Here is the thing my wife and I have been together for 7 years. This is not some brief relationship where I lost my head and rushed into marriage. In hindsight I guess we should have waited longer to combine households. This was never an issue before we got married. My daughter likes her stepmom and she has so little interaction with my stepkids it never crossed my mind this would be an issue. You guys are kind of scaring me with all the divorce talk. I said the marriage was doomed out of frustration not because I actually want a divorce. I know I need to talk to my brother about what he said about not liking the kids but I can't defend my wife and her actions. As for paying for college my daughter has a 529 college savings account which is fully funded. My wife and her ex husband are responsible for paying for their kids college and unfortunately they will have to take out loans. This was discussed before we got married and it was agreed we are responsible for taking care of our own kids. We keep finances separate. As far as vacations go my daughter will always be invited. I guess seeing a therapist is the answer.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:38     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your wife isn’t entitled to have her children taken on trips by your brother.

But you’re truly naive to think that one child in a household being raised as the princess is going to go without comment by the other children/adults in the home. Your wife’s daughters are going to expect to be taken on trips— on your wife/your dime— that their stepsister is excluded from. I hope you have budgeted accordingly. I hope you are ready to answer to your daughter as to why she’s not welcome to go on your next family vacation.

You should have waited a few years until all of these children were in college before marrying.


Uh, no. This young woman’s aunt and uncle are taking her on vacation. Neither she nor the OP owe anything to his wife’s spoiled, whiny brats.

OP, stay in the guest room and do whatever to need to do to get out of this marriage. The constant greed and keeping count from your step daughters and wife is just beginning.


Those whiny brats are somebody's children.

And he committed to respecting those whiny brats when he committed to their mother.

Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:36     Subject: Re:My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
“ your brother is 100% correct that your wife was insane to ask for this. However, his response even if totally honest and in the nose, was gratuitously harsh and not conducive to family harmony or respectful of your new spouse, family or situation. Your wife totally got what she deserved. But, your brother by disrespecting your wife also disrespected your family and that is not okay. You should say something to him to the effect of, I agree that her request is inappropriate but so was your reply.”

His response was not gratuitously harsh - she tried to bully him into spending thousands of dollars on her awful brats. She is the one who destroyed family harmony by making unreasonable demands, and I have no doubt she did so in an obnoxious way.

In any case the bridge she burned is not going to get rebuilt.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:29     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:Your brother was incredibly hurtful, OP. You should tell him to never talk to your wife and YOUR kids like that ever again.

I know your wife provoked him, but she was addressing a specific situation, with a specific request. It did not warrant a generalized hate comment. The two are entirely different beasts. Your wife was annoying in the moment. Your brother was incredibly hateful, in a permanent way.

Your wife has some hope of growing and maturing. Your brother does not. I strongly disagree with all the posters who think this is gotcha moment for your wife. I would NEVER respond like that to an annoying SIL, particularly not vis-a-vis kids. He crossed a line, and your job is to let him know that.

(Now separately, I would be mad at your wife too, for failing to understand the dynamics of a blended family.)



lol nope. Tell your wife not to be an obnoxious cow. DW crossed the line not the brother. He let her know that and he absolutely should not walk it back. Pointless to ask him.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:29     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Anonymous wrote:Your brother was incredibly hurtful, OP. You should tell him to never talk to your wife and YOUR kids like that ever again.

I know your wife provoked him, but she was addressing a specific situation, with a specific request. It did not warrant a generalized hate comment. The two are entirely different beasts. Your wife was annoying in the moment. Your brother was incredibly hateful, in a permanent way.

Your wife has some hope of growing and maturing. Your brother does not. I strongly disagree with all the posters who think this is gotcha moment for your wife. I would NEVER respond like that to an annoying SIL, particularly not vis-a-vis kids. He crossed a line, and your job is to let him know that.

(Now separately, I would be mad at your wife too, for failing to understand the dynamics of a blended family.)

Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:19     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Next time don’t marry an immature teenage (almost) mother. Your wife is trash.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 18:17     Subject: My wife is furious with me for not standing up for her when my brother told her off.
Let your wife stew in her anger for awhile. Sleep in another room if you have to. Be polite and considerate but don't reach out to your brother. He did nothing wrong. He simply hit the ball that was placed in his court.

If she decides to leave you over this, so be it. After all, how is it going to go for the rest of your lives? I imagine that her girls aren't going to get the same financial support for college that your daughter will. After all, paying for three is much different than paying for one (and you and I both know that your brother will do what he wants to do to send your daughter to a great school). Is every Christmas going to have to be "separate but equal"? It's ridiculous.

Presumably, your wife married you because she loves you and your daughter. But it's kind of looking like she wanted someone to support HER kids vs. simply providing a warm family unit in concert with the other family those girls already have.Good luck, OP. Whether she decides to go or stay, you'll need it!