Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:45     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


You lived in the moment. That’s legit.

Too many people obsess with saving for the future and then die early and never get to enjoy it. Those are the suckers.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:44     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
You did ir wrong, OP.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:43     Subject: Re:After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
OP how old are you now? I'm glad you loved your 20s. The fact that you put "overspending" in quotes means to me that you don't have financial goals, and that's ok! Part of the perspective you might be missing if you're only 35 or so is that many people want to retire young, in their 50s, and not wait until they are 65 or 67. Totally great to live it up young but other people want to be financially secure later in life, retire early, pay for things for their children and grandchildren, donate large sums to charity, etc. There's no one right way.

My only quibble is your last comment - we don't save just to have money in the bank. We save so we have options and freedom as we age.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:37     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
If you are happy with it, don’t worry about what other people are doing.

In my 20s I was having babies and working full time. I also owned my own home my age 25 and was maxing out my 401k by age 23.

I’m now 48 and have both kids off to college (one actually graduated last may). Since both DH and I work from home we travel so much and we each tag along on the others work trips. We’ve caught all the amazing snow Utah had been having this winter and probably skied a Tito’s of 20 days this season.

I love that fact that we planned well and have so much time now and money to enjoy life. Can’t really relate to the expensive dining out thing. I prefer a burger at a bar and a cold beer.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:31     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
In my 20s, the stress came from work and the crazy alcoholic boss. In my 40s, the stress would have come from money, but I managed to save/invest enough in my 30s and get away from the boss. I did lose a lot of time earlier in life (18-31), but not because of crazy boss or spending money on partying. I was illegal for a long time and couldn't buy anything to get rich. Once I could, 10 years and I was set.
Learned a lot and can do it again. Not luck at all. Most people who hit it rich in the market could do it again.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:20     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:OP, just look back at it as investment still. Why investment? You enjoyed those years, and you had fun. Many younger adults now are stressed out and suffering mental health in some ways or another because they were so occupied in the rat race. It’s about balanced approach in life.

Also, one’s perspective in life is different in the 20’s than mid-30’s. Having said that, it’s all about priorities, and how you balance them in such a way that you don’t sacrifice needed personal enjoyment and satisfaction at the detriment of your own happiness.


I think there are more suffering mental health issues/stress because of financial difficulties.

But I don't think OP is going to get anything by thinking she didn't "do it right" back then--or patting herself on the back for "doing it right" -- what's the point? You did what you did. You're living with the consequences--positive and negative--now. You can tell yourself whatever story you want about it. Personally it sounds like you had fun like most people do in their 20s but spent a bit too much money for it. Most people look back and think their 20s were fun because they were often pre- major responsibilities for you and and all your friends. The amount of money spent probably doesn't correlate to how much fun had---fun has more to do with your friend group and your openness to experiences.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:13     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
OP, few people are saving 'all the money'. You also didn't say how much poorer you are now vs what would have been if you had taken more balanced approach.
You know that time is money and you lot about 10 years. Would have been fine if you had balanced and used some of the 10 years for growth. Seems like some of it was during 2008-2010- great time to buy companies at give-away prices.
I was so poor but I still partied some. I wish I had worked less and chilled more. I got paid so little that most went for simple living. I still turned it around and can work part time forever to cover my living expenses. Not working full time is more important to me that fancy restaurants. I have a chef who comes by 2-3 times a week.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 16:04     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
OP, just look back at it as investment still. Why investment? You enjoyed those years, and you had fun. Many younger adults now are stressed out and suffering mental health in some ways or another because they were so occupied in the rat race. It’s about balanced approach in life.

Also, one’s perspective in life is different in the 20’s than mid-30’s. Having said that, it’s all about priorities, and how you balance them in such a way that you don’t sacrifice needed personal enjoyment and satisfaction at the detriment of your own happiness.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:57     Subject: Re:After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
I traveled a lot in my 20s and even now in my early 30s but I've had a very good job. When I was younger and making very little somehow I managed to go on amazing trips. It was so easy back then. I never got into credit card debt for anything and always contributed to my investment accounts. One thing though..I always had a roommate throughout my entire 20s! Thats how I did it!
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:53     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


It is all about balance and what is right for you. As long as you don’t complain in 3 years that you now have a baby and suddenly want a sfh And cannot save for down payment for a house because you now have childcare costs but also cannot keep renting a condo because you think you deserve more than a condo and life is so unfair, then you are ok.

You can replace scenario above with the other classic of this forum «  but I don’t understand my 2 kids are teenagers and I need to come up with money for college in 3 years and I cannot do it »; or «  I am 50 and I have no retirement savings, this is crazy I cannot work forever »; or « all my 45 yo friends are buying secondary homes and I cant, what in the world happen »….

You are entitled to enjoy the memories and experience of your 20s and value the present more. You just need to fully grasp what you are sacrificing in terms of future comfort or security. There is no right answer, only preferences, if you drop dead tomorrow you are the objective winner in terms of spending strategy.


Well said. Do whatever's best for yourself, but don't complain about the consequences later.


+1
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:51     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people on this forum seem so obsessed with the idea of not “overspending” (whatever that means), building wealth, having a high NW, maximizing everything, blah blah. It’s making me feel like I didn’t do things right because I only recently (in my mid 30s) began paying attention to my NW. This forum is making me go back and think through all my spending decisions and wondering if I did things wrong. For example, I spent part of my 20s in NYC and I spent a ton of money eating out. Not even just the local neighborhood joint, but Michelin star restaurants. It was a thing that my friends and I did because we were in NYC and the food is amazing and that’s one way we hung out. I also traveled a good amount. Like, lots of trips abroad, hotels, dining, etc. it adds up. I never felt like I couldn’t afford it, but maybe you all would say that should’ve been invested.

But…I sort of loved my 20s? And I think I’m okay being poorer because of my amazing decade. Or do you all derive some sort of thrill in saving all your money?


Completely fine to do what you did, as long as you could pay all your bills (including Credit cards) on time each month and were saving at least 15% of your salary for retirement, IMO. Otherwise, you couldn't really afford it. However, don't complain in your 40s that you don't have enough for retirement or enough for kid's college, because you made choices in your 20s or you can barely pay your mortgage because it's all you can afford (or don't like the house/neighborhood/etc you can afford). Own your choices and live with the results.

Nobody is saying not to enjoy life. But you have to enjoy life on the level of what your income is---if it takes loans/credit cards to "enjoy life" and you are not saving some for retirement, then no, it's not worth it IMO
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:50     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
It's all about your goals in life, OP.

To me going out to expensive restaurants is a waste of money. In my 20s I had a kid to raise and was already focused on getting all of my kids a great education. We needed to save to visit family abroad. What makes me happy is having a cute house in a great school district (worth 1.5-3M in my location) and being able to afford nice vacations, pay for any college my kids want, help with purchasing their first home, etc.

I hope you won't wake up 10 years from now and realize that you actually missed out on what's truly important.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:38     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:Yea OP you didn’t do it right. You don’t need to be frugal in your 20s and not have any fun, but it’s smart to look for bargains and not spend so frivolously. You can lounge around for hours with your friends, as you said you did, without doing it in an expensive restaurant. Sounds like you were a little immature.


But the food was REALLY REALLY good and the experience was sublime. Does that make it worth it?
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:33     Subject: Re:After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Anonymous wrote:STOP READING AND APPLYING FINANCIAL ADVICE FROM ANYONE ON THIS FORUM.
Damn girl, think for yourself.


Ha, I know. I don't even know why I read this forum so much. I'm probably just bored.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2023 15:29     Subject: After reading this forum…I feel like I did it all wrong. Or did I?
Yea OP you didn’t do it right. You don’t need to be frugal in your 20s and not have any fun, but it’s smart to look for bargains and not spend so frivolously. You can lounge around for hours with your friends, as you said you did, without doing it in an expensive restaurant. Sounds like you were a little immature.