This is in no way normal. Get help

Are you heavier / overweight and worried other people are judging you?
Is this a newer relationship and you are scared to “pig out” in front of your BF? Or you have a weird thing where you are scared to go to the bathroom in other people’s homes?
Are you anorexic or fitness obsessed and really into “clean eating”?
Are your boyfriend’s friends all big drinkers and “let’s pig out on wings, nachos, dip, etc.” people and you are not?

Maybe you need therapy if this is something that happens a lot in all kinds of situations. If it’s just your BF and his friends, maybe it’s a flag that this is not the group for you because the way they like to have fun is not fun for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the exact same. I suspect my reasons are tied into issues prior posters have raised, but also I am sort of repulsed by food that has been made by people I don’t know well, and/or is being touched by a lot of people I don’t know well. So for example I never ate at an office potluck (we don’t have those anymore, thank goodness) or a neighborhood block party.

For whatever reason, I do not have this issue in restaurants!

I have the same and it is ocd.

What OP is saying is that she doesn’t want to feel judged about but what she’s eating. That’s different than being grossed out by what other people make.

Read the post it was in response to

Anonymous wrote:I don't eat much either when I'm at others' houses. I'm overweight and feel like people are judging me. (i.e. "no wonder she's fat, look at all those wings she is eating").

I don't think that at all when I see overweight people eating. I prefer that to some of my friends and their disordered eating--oh no thanks, i've already had 3 grapes, i'm stuffed. <giant eyeroll>


And I'm not overweight or very thin--just normal.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, people don’t know how to care for each other these days. If I’m hosting, then everyone who comes us a guest. Of course I’m going to ask my guests if everything is ok. If she wasn’t drinking, I’d ask that too, in case she was looking for some kind of drink I hadn’t put out (maybe the nonalcoholic drinks had run out?). This is the host’s job.

Same. This was not rude, it was good hosting. OP has some issues surrounding food which color her perception of the host's behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the exact same. I suspect my reasons are tied into issues prior posters have raised, but also I am sort of repulsed by food that has been made by people I don’t know well, and/or is being touched by a lot of people I don’t know well. So for example I never ate at an office potluck (we don’t have those anymore, thank goodness) or a neighborhood block party.

For whatever reason, I do not have this issue in restaurants!

I have the same and it is ocd.

What OP is saying is that she doesn’t want to feel judged about but what she’s eating. That’s different than being grossed out by what other people make.

Anonymous wrote:I am the exact same. I suspect my reasons are tied into issues prior posters have raised, but also I am sort of repulsed by food that has been made by people I don’t know well, and/or is being touched by a lot of people I don’t know well. So for example I never ate at an office potluck (we don’t have those anymore, thank goodness) or a neighborhood block party.

For whatever reason, I do not have this issue in restaurants!

I have the same and it is ocd.

Anonymous wrote:I am the exact same. I suspect my reasons are tied into issues prior posters have raised, but also I am sort of repulsed by food that has been made by people I don’t know well, and/or is being touched by a lot of people I don’t know well. So for example I never ate at an office potluck (we don’t have those anymore, thank goodness) or a neighborhood block party.

For whatever reason, I do not have this issue in restaurants!

Same. And now I'm overweight so don't eat for that reason, too (as PP said, feels like people are judging)

I don't love to eat in uncomfortable situations either because it makes me self conscious. But if everyone else was eating, I certainly would have had something. Maybe I'd go for a few chips, or easy finger food. I may have skipped wings or anything that seemed messy.

But really, as I get older I care less and less. My DH would eat literally anything no matter how messy or ridiculous he looked. It's sort of inspiring haha.

You deserve to eat. Just remember that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it was remotely rude for the host to ask why OP wasn't eating. On the rudeness scale, it was certainly less rude than OP not pretending to eat a little at least.

Oh no, you’re wrong sorry. The host should have NOTICED OP wasn’t eating but absolutely not called her out on it. At most the host could have quietly spoken to OP away from others and asked if there was anything else she would LIKE to eat. But absolutely not asking why.

She likely didn't "call her out on it." We're talking about a poster who obviously has a real issue about eating in other people's houses and is self-conscious -- which probably means obvious -- about it. So it's probably hard not to notice and a good host would worry that she didn't put out the right food for one of her guests.

Honestly, people don’t know how to care for each other these days. If I’m hosting, then everyone who comes us a guest. Of course I’m going to ask my guests if everything is ok. If she wasn’t drinking, I’d ask that too, in case she was looking for some kind of drink I hadn’t put out (maybe the nonalcoholic drinks had run out?). This is the host’s job.

I hope you get help, OP. This is one incident is not a big deal but it’s not normal and you should get help for your anxiety. You don’t have to live your life worrying about this.

You’re fine. I typically don’t eat at parties not because I’m worried about what others think? I just don’t like eating at parties. It’s not rude, and nobody cares either way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The host probably paid no attention to you. You’re fine.

Learn to read. OP said the host asked her why she didn't eat, which means that she DID pay attention to her.

DP. That doesn’t mean the host cared at all. They were just being polite.

I know for a fact that the host isn’t sitting right now thinking “man, I really wish that random girl ate my food”.

The host doesn’t really care.

Learn to read. The poster didn't say the host "didn't care," she said she "didn't pay attention." But she DID pay attention. She noticed. That's the definition of paying attention. Also, if she "didn't care" she wouldn't have said anything. So, yea, she cared.

I am the exact same. I suspect my reasons are tied into issues prior posters have raised, but also I am sort of repulsed by food that has been made by people I don’t know well, and/or is being touched by a lot of people I don’t know well. So for example I never ate at an office potluck (we don’t have those anymore, thank goodness) or a neighborhood block party.

For whatever reason, I do not have this issue in restaurants!