This is why you can't make your kids your entire world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

Someday you’ll miss the kids at that age. It almost seems easier than when they’re teens.

It is easier, because they give back.

Teens still need you but they don't want you. They don't show their love for you. They resent your presence often. Buckle up.

So true!! But then they come back in early 20’s but wow are those late term years tough!!

OP, I feel you too. Have teens and I just get sad thinking about when they will be gone so trying to maximize quality time and plan great experiences with them while we still have them.

Anonymous wrote:I'm jealous of OP. You did, you launched your kids.

I have two adult kids that have major struggles. One will struggle with a severe mental illness forever, though hopefully he remains compliant with his meds. I feel like I messed up, but really life just threw curve balls after they were both 18. It's tough and I'd want nothing more than for both to have successful lives independent from us.

{Hugs}

Anonymous wrote:My oldest is going to college in a few short months. I am so proud, but also so sad. I will really miss DC.

Wait till the youngest leaves. Such emptiness. I am coming up on a year and just now getting over the sadness.

I'm jealous of OP. You did, you launched your kids.

I have two adult kids that have major struggles. One will struggle with a severe mental illness forever, though hopefully he remains compliant with his meds. I feel like I messed up, but really life just threw curve balls after they were both 18. It's tough and I'd want nothing more than for both to have successful lives independent from us.

It is weird -- even if you have a great relationship with your adult kids, even if you're grateful their living life of meaning and purpose, and even if your own life is full, you still miss your kids. I really envy people whose kids live relatively nearby, so they can see them every few weeks or so, even if it's just to have dinner together or walk the dogs or watch a movie. That said, though, I totally agree with the folks here who've said that parents need to be willing to travel to see their kids. And that can actually be a lot of fun because you get to see their world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. My thoughts are hopefully you got all you were supposed to get for 18 years. Then kids should leave the nest with no expectation to see them often as they have a life to create on their own now.

Hmmm. Maybe show some respect for your parents.

NP disagree. Parents should make the effort once their kids are older to be in their lives. It shouldn't be parents just taking and taking after kids are 18+.

Don't you remember only having a week of annual leave a year? Or how magical Christmas was at your own house with your children? Or backpacking Europe on your own instead of the same old beach vacation with your parents that you went on yearly.

My daughter is a senior college and we’ve only seen her once since May.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. My thoughts are hopefully you got all you were supposed to get for 18 years. Then kids should leave the nest with no expectation to see them often as they have a life to create on their own now.

Hmmm. Maybe show some respect for your parents.

OP, I haven't seen my parents in 5 years. I have two small children and we have struggled financially, so we can afford plane tickets and we can't take three weeks to drive to see them and back. I would love to see them. I wish they wanted to see me. It goes both ways.

Anonymous wrote:The purpose of all of the work is not the few years/few days a year at the end; it's the experience of the work itself.

This really speaks to me. I quit working 20 years ago to stay home with my children, not because I thought it was better for them, but because I wanted to experience every minute. And it really did go by very quickly and I enjoyed it tremendously. Hugs to you, OP.

^ Oh, and figure out how to be a really good parent-in-law, both before and after kids. Read up on it, emulate someone you know, generally up your EQ. Having a good relationship with your kid’s spouse really boosts the amount of time you get to spend with them. And you have to be willing to meet them more than halfway since you are the older and wiser one. Hopefully your kid picks a spouse who is willing to do their share.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and my in laws have made some strategic decisions that have worked for them - both moved to Florida which has meant Xmas and spring break for us in warm locations and lots of time spent. My in laws also (and I realize this is cost dependent) have taken us on vacation every year …. I also rent a beach house every summer for my entire family … just some ideas!

I agree with strategic decisions but not this. Better to work hard and take care of yourself so you can retire early and in good health and be energetic and involved grandparents. The mandate to visit every Christmas and spring break gets tiring. Grandparents who can pitch in with the day to day, or at least fly in for a couple weeks at a time to help during stressful periods like work travel, are worth their weight in gold.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of one of the harder part of parenting (under 4 years old) and I so envy you, OP. Just being honest

Someday you’ll miss the kids at that age. It almost seems easier than when they’re teens.

It is easier, because they give back.

Teens still need you but they don't want you. They don't show their love for you. They resent your presence often. Buckle up.