Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:41
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is a little bit more to the story. My oldest DS took almost 5 1/2 years to graduate from UVA because he changed majors several times. It took the younger one three years to graduate so according to him, he saved us 2 1/2 years in tuition/room/board/etc.. He feels that he should not be penalized for graduating early and that he should be awarded with the 42K. He turned down offers from Apple and Lockheed because he wants to go back to school for his MS and PhD program with the intention of going into academia. He purposely wanted to graduate early because he wants to see the world before heading back into the grind of academics. He will travel with three other "trusted" people so he will be OK. DH is against giving him that 42K for traveling purposes and right now, they are not talking to one another because of this.
He actually sounds mature and wise to me.
Negotiate. Perhaps you are the mediator between him and your husband.
I can see your son's point, that being the disciplined child should not be "rewarded" with more, beginning sooner.
Let him relax, and explore before the next phase.
Life is long, and for most adults, full of responsibility. As the years pile on, it freedom and discovery feel like fading possibilities.
Let him have this. Though, I think some scaling back is in order. Perhaps give him a big chunk of it, with one of many books that are out there about earning money as your travel around the world (so the limits of his adventure would, in part, be dictated by his decisions/efforts).
Congrats on having such a responsible child. You and your husband might reflect on this happy situation. Other families are wondering where they will come up with the money to pay for rehab.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:41
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lots of tech layoffs ongoing.
The first to be hired back will be those with relevant work experience.
In my view, your son is running from the real world by travelling & hiding out in unnecessary grad school programs.
+100
Please stop the "lot of tech layoff nonsense". Technical people do get layoff but they are able to get other jobs immediately, on top of the severance they received from the previous employer. Instead of getting a 200K salary offer, they get a 150K salary offer. It is not as bad as you think. My employer is still hiring software engineers, a bit less than MAANG salaries.
LOL! You may not be aware of the current situation in tech. Plus, those finding jobs already have relevant work experience.
The layoffs are so prevalent that several MBA program sare waiving admissions requirements for unemployed, laid-off tech workers.
LOL to you! MBA programs are waiving admissions requirements because applications to even HBS, Wharton etc. have dropped off a cliff...like 40% - 50% reduction in applications compared to 3 or 4 years ago, and they are trying to entice these tech kids to panic and sign up for the MBA program and get their tuition $$$s.
Just because more of the pure-play tech companies are laying people off, doesn't meant that a bunch of Fortune 500 companies like UnitedHealth, Walmart et al aren't hiring tons of people in their IT groups. Also...there is always a bull market in tech somewhere, and right now all the AI companies are hiring anyone with a heartbeat with AI skills.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:34
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lots of tech layoffs ongoing.
The first to be hired back will be those with relevant work experience.
In my view, your son is running from the real world by travelling & hiding out in unnecessary grad school programs.
+100
Please stop the "lot of tech layoff nonsense". Technical people do get layoff but they are able to get other jobs immediately, on top of the severance they received from the previous employer. Instead of getting a 200K salary offer, they get a 150K salary offer. It is not as bad as you think. My employer is still hiring software engineers, a bit less than MAANG salaries.
LOL! You may not be aware of the current situation in tech. Plus, those finding jobs already have relevant work experience.
The layoffs are so prevalent that several MBA programsare waiving admissions requirements for unemployed, laid-off tech workers.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:31
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Lots of tech layoffs ongoing.
The first to be hired back will be those with relevant work experience.
In my view, your son is running from the real world by travelling & hiding out in unnecessary grad school programs.
+100
Please stop the "lot of tech layoff nonsense". Technical people do get layoff but they are able to get other jobs immediately, on top of the severance they received from the previous employer. Instead of getting a 200K salary offer, they get a 150K salary offer. It is not as bad as you think. My employer is still hiring software engineers, a bit less than MAANG salaries.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:30
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is a little bit more to the story. My oldest DS took almost 5 1/2 years to graduate from UVA because he changed majors several times. It took the younger one three years to graduate so according to him, he saved us 2 1/2 years in tuition/room/board/etc.. He feels that he should not be penalized for graduating early and that he should be awarded with the 42K. He turned down offers from Apple and Lockheed because he wants to go back to school for his MS and PhD program with the intention of going into academia. He purposely wanted to graduate early because he wants to see the world before heading back into the grind of academics. He will travel with three other "trusted" people so he will be OK. DH is against giving him that 42K for traveling purposes and right now, they are not talking to one another because of this.
Oh brother. He is definitely immature and sounds terribly entitled.
Right.
That was never set aside for "whims of child X." Whether you are talking about your first or second son, the money was set aside for training to move them ahead in their training for careers. C'mon, you wouldn't use it to fund hookers and blow for him, either, so their are obvious limits. Clarify them, both for yourself and for him.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:28
Subject: Graduate one year early. What next?
Hind sight is 20/20 but he should have taken the job and built in a month to travel before he starts.
Now that he turned those down, boy is he arrogant or spoiled to do that??
Anyway, my DS is also looking at graduating early, and I did not tell him he gets the entire savings in his pocket. I will give him some or support him in some way, but no he doesn't get a big check.
Now that he turned those down, boy is he arrogant or spoiled to do that??
Anyway, my DS is also looking at graduating early, and I did not tell him he gets the entire savings in his pocket. I will give him some or support him in some way, but no he doesn't get a big check.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:25
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:Lots of tech layoffs ongoing.
The first to be hired back will be those with relevant work experience.
In my view, your son is running from the real world by travelling & hiding out in unnecessary grad school programs.
+100
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:16
Subject: Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I would ask my kid to work, and also plan and go for x number of foreign vacations a year. He would need to let his employer know beforehand that he would not be available on certain dates, and work around those.
Or, he goes to travel for a month before he joins for work. I agree that this is not the time (because of tech layoffs) to take a gap year.
Would I give him the money? Well, I gave some money to both my kids to start a brokerage account as a going to college gift (20K each, and a new car). My kids also stayed with us for 2 years after graduating and had to put in every single cent towards saving and retirement. So, I am not the right person to give advice.
Give the money, if you want to give and your finances can afford it. Don't give the money if you will have resentment.
I gave money to my kids with a lot of strings attached. You give money to responsible kids and they have to continue to demonstrate that they are making good decisions and they can reason and debate their choices. No one is entitled to my money, and it will always be given with conditions. Take it or leave it.
No employer is going to accept the bolded from a 22 year old.
My kid’s campus job (relevant to their future career) was when they took a semester off from school as an upperclassman. Kid was 21 at the time. They smoothly returned back to job after that semester.
That said I am guessing Lockheed or Apple would react differently!
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:14
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Lots of tech layoffs ongoing.
The first to be hired back will be those with relevant work experience.
In my view, your son is running from the real world by travelling & hiding out in unnecessary grad school programs.
The first to be hired back will be those with relevant work experience.
In my view, your son is running from the real world by travelling & hiding out in unnecessary grad school programs.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:08
Subject: Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:I would ask my kid to work, and also plan and go for x number of foreign vacations a year. He would need to let his employer know beforehand that he would not be available on certain dates, and work around those.
Or, he goes to travel for a month before he joins for work. I agree that this is not the time (because of tech layoffs) to take a gap year.
Would I give him the money? Well, I gave some money to both my kids to start a brokerage account as a going to college gift (20K each, and a new car). My kids also stayed with us for 2 years after graduating and had to put in every single cent towards saving and retirement. So, I am not the right person to give advice.
Give the money, if you want to give and your finances can afford it. Don't give the money if you will have resentment.
I gave money to my kids with a lot of strings attached. You give money to responsible kids and they have to continue to demonstrate that they are making good decisions and they can reason and debate their choices. No one is entitled to my money, and it will always be given with conditions. Take it or leave it.
No employer is going to accept the bolded from a 22 year old.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:08
Subject: Graduate one year early. What next?
He is mature responsible and hard working.
I will let him do it, he is young once and there is plenty of time
for adult responsibilities in the future.
I will let him do it, he is young once and there is plenty of time
for adult responsibilities in the future.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:01
Subject: Graduate one year early. What next?
Nope. The money is for education. If he wants to travel for a year, then take the apple/lockheed jobs, bank half of if for 2 years, and then travel.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 11:00
Subject: Re:Graduate one year early. What next?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. There is a little bit more to the story. My oldest DS took almost 5 1/2 years to graduate from UVA because he changed majors several times. It took the younger one three years to graduate so according to him, he saved us 2 1/2 years in tuition/room/board/etc.. He feels that he should not be penalized for graduating early and that he should be awarded with the 42K. He turned down offers from Apple and Lockheed because he wants to go back to school for his MS and PhD program with the intention of going into academia. He purposely wanted to graduate early because he wants to see the world before heading back into the grind of academics. He will travel with three other "trusted" people so he will be OK. DH is against giving him that 42K for traveling purposes and right now, they are not talking to one another because of this.
He is not owed anything. I like the idea one of the PP's noted, offer to give him 2-3 months travel if he accepts one of the jobs and sets up the start for the fall.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 10:58
Subject: Graduate one year early. What next?
Is he smoking crack?? I do not fund vacation gap years.
Anonymous
02/10/2023 10:57
Subject: Graduate one year early. What next?
It seems late to be having this discussion.
What was the "deal" or plan when you anticipated him graduating in 3 years? He probably worked very hard (in high school and college) to make an abbreviated undergrad experience possible.
If you already have $$ for grad school, I say reward his hard work. You could consider it (in part) a graduation present. He is also at a point in his life when he seeks independence, and maybe needs time to contemplate next steps.
I would definitely take a good chunk of that money and let him spread his wings. This is the end of his youth. He is about to take on more responsibility and work--for decades and decades.
Respect him as an individual, not a monetary investment you are trying to optimize.
What was the "deal" or plan when you anticipated him graduating in 3 years? He probably worked very hard (in high school and college) to make an abbreviated undergrad experience possible.
If you already have $$ for grad school, I say reward his hard work. You could consider it (in part) a graduation present. He is also at a point in his life when he seeks independence, and maybe needs time to contemplate next steps.
I would definitely take a good chunk of that money and let him spread his wings. This is the end of his youth. He is about to take on more responsibility and work--for decades and decades.
Respect him as an individual, not a monetary investment you are trying to optimize.