Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 12:19     Subject: Re:How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
The importance of going to a top school is different from what it was a few decades ago where going to top schools helped people network with those they would never have come across. Today with the internet and linkedin, things have changed. Top firms go to many schools. So if you are good you can have chances even from lower tier schools. What is important is to do the best wherever you land. This is the message I am giving my younger kids. Our friend's son is joining Citadel from a state school because his parents did not want to spend on private college, he just did very well at the state school. Studies have shown that top schools help those from the lower socioeconomic part of society thr most. For other kids, doing well at whichever school you go to and utilizing existing networks will work just as well.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 12:16     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
I agree with everyone saying the kid is happy and that is the point, so why do something else?

But I also wonder why does this kid not feel challenged? He sounds quite smart, and he's in college now -- can't he make or find his own challenge? Or is he just sitting back and waiting for someone to tell him to do a particular thing and hopes he will feel challenged by it? If I were you, I'd treat this the same way as I treat my younger kids when they tell me they are bored. Go find something interesting to do! Why are you waiting for me to tell you what to do? So tell him to go find a challenge!
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 12:15     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine had IVY dreams and was waitlisted last year. He is happy where he is this year and has no desire as well to transfer. He's taken an attitude now that if he had to redo high school, he would have enjoyed it more and not stressed so much.

I think academically he knows he is capable but socially perhaps it's better where he landed. I can only see growth from this experience and no need to transfer for an undergrad degree. Let them enjoy these discoveries.





Kids raised in this area get the impression (often from competitive parents, who pressure them for perceived perfection) that anything less than a T20 is failure.

How healthy that when they wind up elsewhere, that they kids realize that there are other smart people there, that they are learning, that life is not only about "winning" or work.
If only they could bring their parents along on their journey of growth!


I think it depends. My parents would only pay for state school, not private. I was able to see the vast networking system and doors open for my husband that attended a top 5 university that I just did not have from my large state university. Of course, it's going to depend on the university AND the major/field and if the kid goes to a med/law/grad school after. There are so many variables. I did go onto grad school. I basically had to coming out of my state university. My husband did not--through his university he was set up in a pretty prime first job out of college that was a launching point for the rest of his career. He did not come from wealth or means--he was a poor kid with a single mom. I, to this day 20 years later, still see the clout his degree holds. People also wrongly make assumptions about me based on where I attended when I was in the top 1% of my HS class and very high SATs, etc. People can be snobby a-holes.

Past your first job, you are then judged on your work experience and the degree is less relevant. But, being on one end and seeing the difference is eye-opening. I see it now with my kids that went to public school K-8 and now are in a private high school. I see what they are offered, all the advantages and attention, the involvement of the college counselor, the opportunities, the network as well. It's very, very different than what we received even in a very well-regarded public school system.



Great, sincere post ! This has been our experience for many whom we know well.

Are you willing to share which school your husband attended ? TIA


Hopkins. #7 now but was in top 3 his year
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 12:12     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine had IVY dreams and was waitlisted last year. He is happy where he is this year and has no desire as well to transfer. He's taken an attitude now that if he had to redo high school, he would have enjoyed it more and not stressed so much.

I think academically he knows he is capable but socially perhaps it's better where he landed. I can only see growth from this experience and no need to transfer for an undergrad degree. Let them enjoy these discoveries.





Kids raised in this area get the impression (often from competitive parents, who pressure them for perceived perfection) that anything less than a T20 is failure.

How healthy that when they wind up elsewhere, that they kids realize that there are other smart people there, that they are learning, that life is not only about "winning" or work.
If only they could bring their parents along on their journey of growth!


I think it depends. My parents would only pay for state school, not private. I was able to see the vast networking system and doors open for my husband that attended a top 5 university that I just did not have from my large state university. Of course, it's going to depend on the university AND the major/field and if the kid goes to a med/law/grad school after. There are so many variables. I did go onto grad school. I basically had to coming out of my state university. My husband did not--through his university he was set up in a pretty prime first job out of college that was a launching point for the rest of his career. He did not come from wealth or means--he was a poor kid with a single mom. I, to this day 20 years later, still see the clout his degree holds. People also wrongly make assumptions about me based on where I attended when I was in the top 1% of my HS class and very high SATs, etc. People can be snobby a-holes.

Past your first job, you are then judged on your work experience and the degree is less relevant. But, being on one end and seeing the difference is eye-opening. I see it now with my kids that went to public school K-8 and now are in a private high school. I see what they are offered, all the advantages and attention, the involvement of the college counselor, the opportunities, the network as well. It's very, very different than what we received even in a very well-regarded public school system.



Great, sincere post ! This has been our experience for many whom we know well.

Are you willing to share which school your husband attended ? TIA
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 12:08     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine had IVY dreams and was waitlisted last year. He is happy where he is this year and has no desire as well to transfer. He's taken an attitude now that if he had to redo high school, he would have enjoyed it more and not stressed so much.

I think academically he knows he is capable but socially perhaps it's better where he landed. I can only see growth from this experience and no need to transfer for an undergrad degree. Let them enjoy these discoveries.





Kids raised in this area get the impression (often from competitive parents, who pressure them for perceived perfection) that anything less than a T20 is failure.

How healthy that when they wind up elsewhere, that they kids realize that there are other smart people there, that they are learning, that life is not only about "winning" or work.
If only they could bring their parents along on their journey of growth!


I think it depends. My parents would only pay for state school, not private. I was able to see the vast networking system and doors open for my husband that attended a top 5 university that I just did not have from my large state university. Of course, it's going to depend on the university AND the major/field and if the kid goes to a med/law/grad school after. There are so many variables. I did go onto grad school. I basically had to coming out of my state university. My husband did not--through his university he was set up in a pretty prime first job out of college that was a launching point for the rest of his career. He did not come from wealth or means--he was a poor kid with a single mom. I, to this day 20 years later, still see the clout his degree holds. People also wrongly make assumptions about me based on where I attended when I was in the top 1% of my HS class and very high SATs, etc. People can be snobby a-holes.

Past your first job, you are then judged on your work experience and the degree is less relevant. But, being on one end and seeing the difference is eye-opening. I see it now with my kids that went to public school K-8 and now are in a private high school. I see what they are offered, all the advantages and attention, the involvement of the college counselor, the opportunities, the network as well. It's very, very different than what we received even in a very well-regarded public school system.

Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 12:02     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:My DS was one of those kids last year who had a perfect ACT score, 4.0 UW GPA, speaks 3 languages, took 12 APs, plays an instrument and a sport, won awards, had work experience, etc and got deferred everywhere last year except his safety. He is very happy at this school this year, continued his A average, but hasn’t felt particularly challenged yet. He has made friends and seems settled. I ran into his HS counselor who asked if he would be applying to transfer and if so, they would be happy to help him. He has no interest. He has an attitude now that the elite schools he aspired to are just a crock of .. well you know.
So this is my question for those who had/have the ivy or die attitude in this list. For the majority of folks who have kids who didn't get into their dream school, admit it or not, what are your feelings now? If your kid is happy, do you let it go, or push them to try again?


There is something wrong with you.

Your poor kid.

Your kid must have come from a crap lower school for them not to get in anywhere but one safety
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:59     Subject: Re:How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:My kid did not get into any of his east coast reaches and was fortunate to gain admission to one of the top UCs. He also got a transfer option from Cornell. Before he left for college he was 100% sure he would transfer but once he got there he was amazed at the quality of students and opportunities and within a month of being there decided he would not transfer. We have decided to let him take a lead on that.


LOL so gracious of you to allow what sounds like UCB or UCLA. I think some of these kids did not realize how stressed they were until they got out of these striver parents' houses and now they are having the time of their lives, far away.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:57     Subject: Re:How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
My kid did not get into any of his east coast reaches and was fortunate to gain admission to one of the top UCs. He also got a transfer option from Cornell. Before he left for college he was 100% sure he would transfer but once he got there he was amazed at the quality of students and opportunities and within a month of being there decided he would not transfer. We have decided to let him take a lead on that.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:28     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:Mine had IVY dreams and was waitlisted last year. He is happy where he is this year and has no desire as well to transfer. He's taken an attitude now that if he had to redo high school, he would have enjoyed it more and not stressed so much.

I think academically he knows he is capable but socially perhaps it's better where he landed. I can only see growth from this experience and no need to transfer for an undergrad degree. Let them enjoy these discoveries.





Kids raised in this area get the impression (often from competitive parents, who pressure them for perceived perfection) that anything less than a T20 is failure.

How healthy that when they wind up elsewhere, that they kids realize that there are other smart people there, that they are learning, that life is not only about "winning" or work.
If only they could bring their parents along on their journey of growth!
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:28     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My DS was one of those kids last year who had a perfect ACT score, 4.0 UW GPA, speaks 3 languages, took 12 APs, plays an instrument and a sport, won awards, had work experience, etc and got deferred everywhere last year except his safety. He is very happy at this school this year, continued his A average, but hasn’t felt particularly challenged yet. He has made friends and seems settled. I ran into his HS counselor who asked if he would be applying to transfer and if so, they would be happy to help him. He has no interest. He has an attitude now that the elite schools he aspired to are just a crock of .. well you know.
So this is my question for those who had/have the ivy or die attitude in this list. For the majority of folks who have kids who didn't get into their dream school, admit it or not, what are your feelings now? If your kid is happy, do you let it go, or push them to try again?


It DS hasn’t felt challenged, why do you think transferring to a college that will look better to your neighbors on your rear window will challenge him? If anything there is MORE velvet gloving and grade inflation at most top schools, with some exceptions of course. Also there isn’t a college in the top 1000 that couldn’t produce a challenging curriculum for 99.9999% of sophomores. Sounds like DS might need to stretch himself and take more difficult classes if things are too easy. But if DS is taking core curriculum, I have no reason to think chem 101 or history 101 or psych 101 are any more challenging at top 20 school than at an average college.

It matters so much more how your DS does in college than where they go.

+1.

And I'd add, being "challenged" at every step of the way can be overrated. Having a year that's not academically overwhelming and allows you to get your feet under you socially and in terms of adjusting to more independence, etc., can be good!


I agree and think a HUGE part of college is learning who you are as a person and starting to live as your independent self. So much growing up and seeds of adulthood are in college.

Also - if school is so easy and you are happy with your social life - then you have time/bandwidth to start testing out JOBS that start your career (or sample with different potential careers) - via research, via internships, etc. . Invest that time in making connections your school has to offer. You will likely never have access to such a great recruitment center (unless coming out of a grad school program). Being a top student at a college that attracts job recruitment means you will have many great opportunities.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:25     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:The answer, OP, is that you never should have bought into the HYPe in the first place. Your child is happy and doing well at a college that is likely a fantastic school, and one that saw him as a great fit for their institution -- which turns out to be accurate.



I do not agree, but it really depends on the school in question.

Attending & graduating from an elite school can make a meaningful difference when seeking a job right after finishing college.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:24     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:Only issue is people do to school to also date and find a spouse.

I made mistake of going to Stonybrook as a white Catholic man and found school to be 70 percent male and few women mainly Asian and in library. Add in a big gay population. I dated zero in college. Although I did hook up townies

But I visited Villanova one weekend and was like 52 percent pretty upper income white Catholic females.

Class is only 3 -5 hours a day. It is important to enjoy the other 20 hours a day


And you could not date Asian women because...?
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:23     Subject: Re:How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
OP: Which school is your son currently attending ?

Does he know what his major will be ?

Any career goals/plans ?

For CS, the major & degree is more important than the school.

For many elite positions as a recent college graduate, the school attended can make a significant difference.

If your son wants to further his education in law school or medical school, then he should stay where he is happy so long as he maintains a very high GPA.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:20     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
The answer, OP, is that you never should have bought into the HYPe in the first place. Your child is happy and doing well at a college that is likely a fantastic school, and one that saw him as a great fit for their institution -- which turns out to be accurate.

Anonymous
Post 02/10/2023 11:14     Subject: How long do you stay hyper about where your child is in college?
Anonymous wrote:what I feel like I am hearing in this post and so many others is that people really are NOT making a balanced list



+ 100