Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents have issues. Mine were asocial and just wanted me to stay home all the time. It wasn’t fun.

+1
My parents just didn’t have the bandwidth for anything “extra”

This was the case for my best friend growing up. Her parents were nice people but just didn’t put in any effort - they were always tired and were very very introverted. Thankfully this was the era when you could walk on to a high school sports team your freshman year, so school activities and sports were a blessing for my friend. Not so much the case anymore.

My 3 kids are in activities. Older two are in 3 (total of 5 days a week because two activities are twice a week) and youngest has only 1 (he is almost 4).

They ask to do other things but change every week or two. I know them and will not allow sullo activities for a month or two that are not serious sports or language school. Might do music in the future, but none of them asked for it.

My kids (older ones) are in serious sports were they will be competing soon.
I will not waste my (finite) money to sign them up for aftercare activities (that are a waste of money) or silly sports that I know my kids won’t like after the first class.

Maybe those parents know their kids better than you and know that the activities the kids want to do are not for them or worth their money.

My child was absolutely uninterested in any activities. We barely got him to be able to make it through basic summer camps. Now at around 10 he has changed a bit and is developing a lot more interests now that he can choose what he likes. He’s also old enough that he knows he has to do some activities of our choice, like religious school. And of course the pandemic majorly interfered.

But in those long years until he started getting out more on his own, it’s not like he did nothing. We went to museums, movies, traveled, hiked, biked …

Anonymous wrote:My parents were like that. They were just really selfish people and our lives revolved around them.

This. I’d add “lazy” too.

Anonymous wrote:Lots of kids hold themselves together during the school day and are too emotionally tired to be well behaved for after school activities. My oldest is 8 and we are just now allowing weeknight activities because she couldn’t manage them before, but very carefully and not as many as she’d like. She did the occasional thing on the weekend in addition to one sport. She probably would have told you she really wanted to do x thing after school but couldn’t make it through without a meltdown. Kids are different

OP’s friends have kids as old as middle school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what’s your concern here? Are you worried that they are missing something important? Do you think it shows that something bad is happening to them at home? What exactly is your problem with this other than it’s different to what you have chosen?

I'm guessing OP's kids have been vocal that they don't want to be in all these activities, and then when OP meets parents who respect their children's precious and finite childhood leisure time, she feels guilty.

No. OP’s kids are probably friends with these kids and so OP hears them talk frequently about wanting to do these activities as she has said repeatedly. She is just curious. She isn’t hitting in. OP, you obviously struck a nerve with all the people who are too lazy to take their kids to activities they are begging to do. I don’t get it either. But I think the overscheduling is worse, particularly when the kids don’t want to do it all.

I have 3 kids. Oldest is a teen.

We know some kids who don’t want to do anything. They are not interested in sports and parents don’t force them.

Some parents are busy with themselves whether it is work or their own hobbies and don’t seem to care about putting their kids in activities.

I was a child of poor immigrants. My parents were just trying to survive. I roamed the neighborhood and I turned out fine. Dh is similar. We only did things through school. I am pretty sure people will think my kids are overscheduled. I want to give them every opportunity I didn’t have. We travel a lot, do lots of family outings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I explicitly stated that these are parents with plenty of money and time. I didn't ask about kids with special needs since these kids don't have any. These are kids that are ASKING repeatedly to do certain activities. These happen to be activities that neither parent has the skills to teach and I see them often enough to know that there isn't some other version of these activities taking place at home. Please stop answering questions I didn't ask and discussing situations I didn't ask about.

Age ranges are elementary and middle school.

Please stop butting into other people's lives. You sound insane. You are on a parenting forum. Do you not have your own children to attend to???

huh? the whole point of a parenting forum is to discuss stuff like this. those currently attending to their kids are not on DCUM.

My parents had plenty of money but they only allowed one extracurricular and it couldn't be more often than weekly. I was a gifted energetic kid who was always begging for more and the reason was basically because my (SAH) mom didn't want to chauffeur. I won a place on a dance team at 12 but couldn't join because it would require frequent practice. I still think about that...
Now I am always trying to get my kids into new things and they have to be dragged there. They'd rather stay home.

My kid is not doing anything right now. So what?

Anonymous wrote:The parents have issues. Mine were asocial and just wanted me to stay home all the time. It wasn’t fun.

+1
My parents just didn’t have the bandwidth for anything “extra”

Anonymous wrote:It’s enough to be a kid. A rigid schedule isn’t what ours wants right now. One activity a few times a month and seeing friends is plenty. Second grade.

Yes agreed. Kids don't NEED scheduled activities. My 7yo is playing one sport for the winter and the one weeknight practice makes for a really hectic evening for our family with both parents working, the 7yo in aftercare, and a younger child in daycare. I appreciate and prefer the other weekday evenings that we are all together as a family and don't have to be anywhere else. She enjoys it but wants to take a break from activities as well.

Lots of kids hold themselves together during the school day and are too emotionally tired to be well behaved for after school activities. My oldest is 8 and we are just now allowing weeknight activities because she couldn’t manage them before, but very carefully and not as many as she’d like. She did the occasional thing on the weekend in addition to one sport. She probably would have told you she really wanted to do x thing after school but couldn’t make it through without a meltdown. Kids are different

My daughter has a friend at school like this. Neither parent wants to go out in the evenings to take their kid anywhere. Ive also taken their kid several places and they don’t reciprocate.

It’s enough to be a kid. A rigid schedule isn’t what ours wants right now. One activity a few times a month and seeing friends is plenty. Second grade.