Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 21 .....

OP I agree with DH. A week at home no. Weekend maybe.

What is she going to do when she has a job come home to mommy & daddy when her BF breaks up with her.

Sorry but I know I am an outlier here but really people she's 21.

Very white American answer.

BS, nitwit. I am the whitest, most American person ever. I would literally go and pick up my daughter, then drive her back whenever she felt like leaving. Don't be a racist.

I don’t see how coming home while school is in session makes any sense. I agree with pp’s who say a weekend is fine, a week is not. School is her job right now. You don’t miss a week of your job because your boyfriend is breaking up with you.

The not eating part is really concerning.

OP, be prepared for the possibility that she may not want to go back in a timely manner if she comes home for a week. Which may actually be the best thing for her at this time, I cannot say whether it would be or not, if she is indeed suffering from depression or ED.

I would go visit her. That's just me. Even if just for the weekend. Stay in a hotel. She can stay with you a night or two but I assume she has a living situation, for herself, as a choice, which is not living with her boyfriend.

Yes, she should come home. If she’s going through a rough patch and wants to spend some time at home, she absolutely should. The job of a parent doesn’t end at 18.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's 21 .....

OP I agree with DH. A week at home no. Weekend maybe.

What is she going to do when she has a job come home to mommy & daddy when her BF breaks up with her.

Sorry but I know I am an outlier here but really people she's 21.

A lot of 21 year olds live at home during college.

+1

I lived at home for the summer between college and grad school. I had a job and took care of myself -- did my own laundry, cleaned my bathroom, etc. It is exceedingly normal for adults this age to spend periods of time with their parents, if there is room and it's not overly burdensome, because it's a weirdly transient time period. Living in temporary housing or living with roommates, working for short periods of time in internships and campus gigs, starting over with new classes every 4 months or so.

If PP had said "but really people she is 27," I'd feel there was a point there. But 21? She's a college kid. College kids turn to their parents for support all the time. This is very typical.

Anonymous wrote:She's 21 .....

OP I agree with DH. A week at home no. Weekend maybe.

What is she going to do when she has a job come home to mommy & daddy when her BF breaks up with her.

Sorry but I know I am an outlier here but really people she's 21.

Very white American answer.

Could she come home for, say, Sat-Sun-Mon instead?

Anonymous wrote:A week is fine, but I also get where your DH is coming from. It sounds like her main support system is parents, aunts and uncles, and cousins who I'm guessing aren't the same age. I'd be concerned about her lack of friends at school, especially since she feels lonely. I think it is great that she finds comfort and support with her parents. But at 21, I think its important to develop a peer support group too.

I think it's important to develop peer support groups too, but I also think it's important to remember this is someone who had their first two years of college disrupted by Covid. I am not at all surprised that she doesn't have a group of friends who can help her through this, and I'm also not surprised that she is turning to her parents for help. She's had a very different college experience than you might have, I would cut her some slack.

My DD is same age, just turned 21, and she comes home usually only once per semester, possibly twice. Is two hour drive away. However, she calls 2x/day.

Yes, she should come home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd let her come home and when she's got her feet under her I'd help her make a list of things she can do to support HERSELF. What if you and DH die? She needs to be able to count on herself.

Jesus you are mean

What’s mean about trying to help her become self sufficient? I think it’s a kindness. (that wasn’t my post you responded to).

Anonymous wrote:She's 21 .....

OP I agree with DH. A week at home no. Weekend maybe.

What is she going to do when she has a job come home to mommy & daddy when her BF breaks up with her.

Sorry but I know I am an outlier here but really people she's 21.

A lot of 21 year olds live at home during college.

A week is fine, but I also get where your DH is coming from. It sounds like her main support system is parents, aunts and uncles, and cousins who I'm guessing aren't the same age. I'd be concerned about her lack of friends at school, especially since she feels lonely. I think it is great that she finds comfort and support with her parents. But at 21, I think its important to develop a peer support group too.