Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you believe that your mid-late 20s are the best time to meet a partner. You may disagree but let’s say for arguments sake. What are the most common mistakes women make that waste the “best” relationship-building years, and how would you advise Gen Z women to not repeat these mistakes? Or if this was you, what advice would you give your younger self?

I’ll start: I always wanted a relationship, but could not move on easily from rejection and breakup and wasted precious months moving over failed romances. I also wasted time trying to change the minds of men who just wanted casual sex. I had been exposed to too much online misogyny and believed that if I held out and proved that I was “not that kind of girl” and that I was the type you would marry, not just sleep with, instead of just ignoring the guys who had this mentality. The best advice to my 25 year old self would be to move on, and move on faster.

The first bit would be to not waste time in dead-end relationships. Aim to marry by 30 and be done with procreation by 35. You'll be happy you did. I say this as someone who got married at 37 and was done having kids at 45.

The second bit I'm sure I'll get destroyed for but here it is. Be very very clear-eyed about what you bring to the table. I see so many women get loused up by holding out for the unavailable or clinging to men who never saw them as wife material. Everyone has a package that places them somewhere on the scale in the marriage market. Your age, looks, education, family, money - it's all part of the package. Yes you have one. No it's not top of the market just because you're a special person. Everyone is special. People mostly marry their equals.

Here is how to find your equals: look at men who find you attractive. Not the men YOU find attractive without reciprocation. The men who find you attractive, ask you out and want to be seen with you? This is your market.

I wasnt great at practicing safe sex and as such had three abortions. Somehow, I never got an STD but looking back that was dumb behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you believe that your mid-late 20s are the best time to meet a partner. You may disagree but let’s say for arguments sake. What are the most common mistakes women make that waste the “best” relationship-building years, and how would you advise Gen Z women to not repeat these mistakes? Or if this was you, what advice would you give your younger self?

I’ll start: I always wanted a relationship, but could not move on easily from rejection and breakup and wasted precious months moving over failed romances. I also wasted time trying to change the minds of men who just wanted casual sex. I had been exposed to too much online misogyny and believed that if I held out and proved that I was “not that kind of girl” and that I was the type you would marry, not just sleep with, instead of just ignoring the guys who had this mentality. The best advice to my 25 year old self would be to move on, and move on faster.

+1,000.

Also, I’d tell a younger version the point of waiting to have sex is not about some weird patriarchal control thing as so many spread the lie that it is, or playing games or anything. It’s to protect yourself from the immature, selfish guys who will feel not one pang of conscience after they waste your time and use your body and heart. The ones who say you’ll never find a man if you wait for that are the ones you’re *supposed to* weed out, and they’re trying to instill fear and scarcity into you (so you will sleep with them! Lol).

Sounds like you have mental issues or hang ups about sex. There is a lot of stuff that happens before you have sex with someone. It seems you miss or ignore all these things/ signs. If all the men you sleep with act the same it is you who are selecting them. You are not the victim.

On another note. I see these post and wonder how many times you did the same to some guy. I am sure you think you had a good reason to do what you did. I bet the guy has a good reason he broke up with you also. Just because you like someone does not mean they are obligated to like you back.

Oh so you should wait for those things to happen before you have sex so you don’t miss it? Wow, thank you for repeating what I said back to me but in a condescending way. I hope you aren’t a therapist by trade.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you believe that your mid-late 20s are the best time to meet a partner. You may disagree but let’s say for arguments sake. What are the most common mistakes women make that waste the “best” relationship-building years, and how would you advise Gen Z women to not repeat these mistakes? Or if this was you, what advice would you give your younger self?

I’ll start: I always wanted a relationship, but could not move on easily from rejection and breakup and wasted precious months moving over failed romances. I also wasted time trying to change the minds of men who just wanted casual sex. I had been exposed to too much online misogyny and believed that if I held out and proved that I was “not that kind of girl” and that I was the type you would marry, not just sleep with, instead of just ignoring the guys who had this mentality. The best advice to my 25 year old self would be to move on, and move on faster.

+1,000.

Also, I’d tell a younger version the point of waiting to have sex is not about some weird patriarchal control thing as so many spread the lie that it is, or playing games or anything. It’s to protect yourself from the immature, selfish guys who will feel not one pang of conscience after they waste your time and use your body and heart. The ones who say you’ll never find a man if you wait for that are the ones you’re *supposed to* weed out, and they’re trying to instill fear and scarcity into you (so you will sleep with them! Lol).

Sounds like you have mental issues or hang ups about sex. There is a lot of stuff that happens before you have sex with someone. It seems you miss or ignore all these things/ signs. If all the men you sleep with act the same it is you who are selecting them. You are not the victim.

On another note. I see these post and wonder how many times you did the same to some guy. I am sure you think you had a good reason to do what you did. I bet the guy has a good reason he broke up with you also. Just because you like someone does not mean they are obligated to like you back.

No matter your gender you have an ethical obligation to break up with someone if you don’t like them. Full stop.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

That's more or less what I told my now-husband when discussing my plans for after law school. I would be graduating around the 2-year dating mark (a little less) and I told him straight up that we'd either be engaged and planning a wedding or going our separate ways. I think it freaked him out a little but he proposed a few months later.

Not marrying a nice guy they went to college/GS with and starting a family — the dating pool only gets shallower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you believe that your mid-late 20s are the best time to meet a partner. You may disagree but let’s say for arguments sake. What are the most common mistakes women make that waste the “best” relationship-building years, and how would you advise Gen Z women to not repeat these mistakes? Or if this was you, what advice would you give your younger self?

I’ll start: I always wanted a relationship, but could not move on easily from rejection and breakup and wasted precious months moving over failed romances. I also wasted time trying to change the minds of men who just wanted casual sex. I had been exposed to too much online misogyny and believed that if I held out and proved that I was “not that kind of girl” and that I was the type you would marry, not just sleep with, instead of just ignoring the guys who had this mentality. The best advice to my 25 year old self would be to move on, and move on faster.

+1,000.

Also, I’d tell a younger version the point of waiting to have sex is not about some weird patriarchal control thing as so many spread the lie that it is, or playing games or anything. It’s to protect yourself from the immature, selfish guys who will feel not one pang of conscience after they waste your time and use your body and heart. The ones who say you’ll never find a man if you wait for that are the ones you’re *supposed to* weed out, and they’re trying to instill fear and scarcity into you (so you will sleep with them! Lol).

Sounds like you have mental issues or hang ups about sex. There is a lot of stuff that happens before you have sex with someone. It seems you miss or ignore all these things/ signs. If all the men you sleep with act the same it is you who are selecting them. You are not the victim.

On another note. I see these post and wonder how many times you did the same to some guy. I am sure you think you had a good reason to do what you did. I bet the guy has a good reason he broke up with you also. Just because you like someone does not mean they are obligated to like you back.

Things I wasted:
My dating potential - I should have dated more!
My f*ckablity potential - I should have f*d more men!
My career potential - I should have gone for a high paying career!

Don’t work in a female dominated industry. The pay is low and you won’t meet marriageable men. Upskill or go back to school if you have to but you meet a lot of marriageable men at work at that age if you’re working in the good industries.

Anonymous wrote:When people tell you who they are, believe them. Wishy washy time-wasting men will tell you who they are if you’re listening.

This and beware the “nice guy” cover.

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

This and do the max retirement contribution

Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

This x 1000000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

I’m going to disagree. I wish I had taken out a few more student loans and not worried about saving so much with my first job. There was no reason to spend all of those years living on $1200/month.

NP. I wish I’d taken out more student loans, but to go to one of the better, more expensive colleges I got into but turned out my offer to.

I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

Anonymous wrote:Not compounding interest

I’m going to disagree. I wish I had taken out a few more student loans and not worried about saving so much with my first job. There was no reason to spend all of those years living on $1200/month.