I’ve met people where I could feel a certain level of chemistry and even attraction with. I can tell if we weren’t both married this is someone I would be really excited about. I absolutely do not have a wandering eye. This is something that I notice with certain individuals and it’s really only happened like twice in the last 15 years I’ve been with my DH.

I think there are just some people we are more aligned with than others. Like there is more than one suitable life partner for us in life and maybe these other individuals fall in that category for me.

I approach it as well I’m already married though so those doors are closed. Both people I still see. One regularly and after a few years I reached a new place in how I saw him. That I could be really fond of him as a human but that there would be nothing. The other person was actually a school dad so I rarely see him and put am mindful that if I do to keep it brief and move on. I think both of the other parties feel something too but I don’t know for sure and I will never ask.

I made my choice about who I am committed to. I know my DH and I are meant for each other. Too many things were serendipitous in our courtship. And there are still other humans out there I feel an inherent connection to when I meet them. Glad to know I’m alive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar experience (feeling the beginnings of having a crush on someone who was in a relationship and then dreaming about them). It freaked me out a bit, too, OP. I pretty much made a point to avoid that person in future and sort of redirect any conscious thoughts about them, but I refuse to feel guilty about my dreams. I can't control those. FWIW, I didn't dream about them again, and we moved a year later and now I just think of them as someone nice I used to know and honestly can't see the attraction any more. Like they weren't even that attractive!

Agree. Past lives and all that. Even if it isn’t (though no one can prove it isn’t)— energy, matter, a universe that is wholly unknown is bound to get entangled. I don’t believe it’s lights out in the end. The only relatable experience I’ve had, OP, was also a school thing. I was waiting in line for the math teacher at a middle school parent/teacher conference. He was waiting in the line next to me for a science teacher. We looked over at each other and smiled. Pure energy. I knew he felt the same thing. Was very weird because we didn’t talk or introduce ourselves. Just glanced much longer than normal. The long glance wasn’t because we thought we recognized one another. That was the weird part, it was a familiar energy. This was years ago, and I still remember what he was wearing. He wasn’t particularly tall or handsome. He was wearing a long overcoat which was ill fitting lol. Never ran into him again.

I wonder if only women have this kind of encounter, any man here who had similar feelings?

I suspect op is a man. This kind of thing always happens to older men and they make a move and leave some poor woman creeped TF out.

Sure, just get off this thread if that's what you think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

This is spiritual advice backed by not only science but teachings of all major and several minor religions.

You must see The Bridge of Madison County and The Notebook as your next reading recommendation.

Putting The Bridge of Madison County on my watchlist now! I know the story line already but never seen this movie before. Although, maybe I shouldn't. - OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had a similar experience (feeling the beginnings of having a crush on someone who was in a relationship and then dreaming about them). It freaked me out a bit, too, OP. I pretty much made a point to avoid that person in future and sort of redirect any conscious thoughts about them, but I refuse to feel guilty about my dreams. I can't control those. FWIW, I didn't dream about them again, and we moved a year later and now I just think of them as someone nice I used to know and honestly can't see the attraction any more. Like they weren't even that attractive!

Agree. Past lives and all that. Even if it isn’t (though no one can prove it isn’t)— energy, matter, a universe that is wholly unknown is bound to get entangled. I don’t believe it’s lights out in the end. The only relatable experience I’ve had, OP, was also a school thing. I was waiting in line for the math teacher at a middle school parent/teacher conference. He was waiting in the line next to me for a science teacher. We looked over at each other and smiled. Pure energy. I knew he felt the same thing. Was very weird because we didn’t talk or introduce ourselves. Just glanced much longer than normal. The long glance wasn’t because we thought we recognized one another. That was the weird part, it was a familiar energy. This was years ago, and I still remember what he was wearing. He wasn’t particularly tall or handsome. He was wearing a long overcoat which was ill fitting lol. Never ran into him again.

I wonder if only women have this kind of encounter, any man here who had similar feelings?

I suspect op is a man. This kind of thing always happens to older men and they make a move and leave some poor woman creeped TF out.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve met two people like that in my life OP and I have to agree that it means something but that something doesn’t have to be romantic. The second one I met was already married and we have all been close friends for over a decade now.

+1. I have someone like that in my life and there is nothing romantic about it at all. It's just that deep connection. It's a beautiful thing, except for the part where for me it has accentuated my LACK of that connection with anyone else in my life and I wish I had had that with my husband. It makes my marriage even more painful than it already is because I can see a glimpse of what it would have been like to marry my best friend and create a life together that we both loved, instead of this distant, cold existence we have now.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

lol yes, I remember that one, written with the typical vows deft touch. I'm sure everyone involved was very 'radical acceptance' about it all. Love rules.

Is this uncommon?

I love and respect my DH, would not cheat on him, but feeling a moment of connection with other people is part of being human, is it not? There's no way to know someone is married or committed by simply locking eyes or exchanging a few words, which is enough time to feel some type of attraction. I know the same thing happens to DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

This is spiritual advice backed by not only science but teachings of all major and several minor religions.

You must see The Bridge of Madison County and The Notebook as your next reading recommendation.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

If this isn’t a troll, this is the most delusional, narcissistic, and harmful advice I’ve read in a very long time.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

This is spiritual advice backed by not only science but teachings of all major and several minor religions.

I don't know why you're being so hard on yourself. You met this man and you felt a connection. So ask him for coffee to talk about school things, and see if that connection feels stronger. If it does, then explore it.

You met your DH before you had the chance to marry this man. So do some monkey-branching and see if this other man is better. If he is then take him and let your DH and his DW deal with it.

There was a beautiful story in the NYT's Vows section just like this a few years ago. A television journalist and an executive met at their kids' preschool. They tried to deny their instant attraction but their connection overpowered their misplaced defenses, because of course they never would have settled for their spouses if they had met each other first.

So they explained to their spouses that they would have to follow their hearts and move on. They ended up having a lovely wedding ceremony and formed a beautiful, blended family, one enhanced with the experiences each brings into the better new marriage. I'm not sure what happened to the exes, but I'm sure they understand everyone is in a better place and with whom they're supposed to be. They should be honored for the child care they provide so the new couple can spend time alone to nurture their love.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He checked you out. You felt it, you liked it. Now you’re making up stories in your head because it feels good. That’s all it is. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as you stay on straight and narrow.

OP here, no he didn't "check me out". His wife was right there, and we saw each other at the same time, our eye met at the exact same time. Like I said, it was a strange feeling, I think maybe the "past life" thing makes sense.

Are you people this ugly that is the first time you have had some guy eye connect with you in front of a wife or girlfriend or in a work meeting????

Christ, I'm 53 and have had that experience 1,000s time over in my lifetime. The difference is it made me feel creepy AF with their wife right there.

I guess that's why some women are 'easy pickins' for married men.

Yeah no, I know the difference, and yes, eye contact 10000 times. If a 53 year old man is checking me out I would give him a bad look. LOL

You don't know what you don't know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He checked you out. You felt it, you liked it. Now you’re making up stories in your head because it feels good. That’s all it is. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as you stay on straight and narrow.

OP here, no he didn't "check me out". His wife was right there, and we saw each other at the same time, our eye met at the exact same time. Like I said, it was a strange feeling, I think maybe the "past life" thing makes sense.

Are you people this ugly that is the first time you have had some guy eye connect with you in front of a wife or girlfriend or in a work meeting????

Christ, I'm 53 and have had that experience 1,000s time over in my lifetime. The difference is it made me feel creepy AF with their wife right there.

I guess that's why some women are 'easy pickins' for married men.

'eye connect'

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He checked you out. You felt it, you liked it. Now you’re making up stories in your head because it feels good. That’s all it is. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as you stay on straight and narrow.

OP here, no he didn't "check me out". His wife was right there, and we saw each other at the same time, our eye met at the exact same time. Like I said, it was a strange feeling, I think maybe the "past life" thing makes sense.

Are you people this ugly that is the first time you have had some guy eye connect with you in front of a wife or girlfriend or in a work meeting????

Christ, I'm 53 and have had that experience 1,000s time over in my lifetime. The difference is it made me feel creepy AF with their wife right there.

I guess that's why some women are 'easy pickins' for married men.

Anonymous wrote:He checked you out. You felt it, you liked it. Now you’re making up stories in your head because it feels good. That’s all it is. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as you stay on straight and narrow.

OP here, no he didn't "check me out". His wife was right there, and we saw each other at the same time, our eye met at the exact same time. Like I said, it was a strange feeling, I think maybe the "past life" thing makes sense.