Anonymous wrote:PP here - i'm in chicago and this is the school I sent him to - https://www.tuesdayschildchicago.org/tc-scholars-preschool/

Not sure if there's something similar in DC, but so many of the families we met there had such similar stories (kicked out of day care or preschool for disruptive behaviors) and the kids are now all thriving in both public and private kindergartens

New PP - this school seems fantastic. I am so glad your kid is thriving. Wish I could find this in the DC area.

PP here - i'm in chicago and this is the school I sent him to - https://www.tuesdayschildchicago.org/tc-scholars-preschool/

Not sure if there's something similar in DC, but so many of the families we met there had such similar stories (kicked out of day care or preschool for disruptive behaviors) and the kids are now all thriving in both public and private kindergartens

My just turned 4 yo was kicked out of a montisorri preschool for disruptive behavior. They said he'd never sit still at circle time unless in a teachers lap, couldn't keep his hands to himself, would knock over others kids work when bored, constantly wondering around to see what other people were doing etc. Basically made him sound like a total disaster and recommended a full-time therapeutic program for him

He was in OT (based on their recommendation) and the OT was like uhhhh....that seems really extreme, I would not do that. So I put him in a play-based behavioral intervention preschool (largely kids without any formal Dx (because they were young and this wasn't a program for severe disabilities) but in general struggled in a regular preschool. the program told me they got a huge portion of their students from montisorri b/c its just a bad fit for so many kids). The teachers at this school said they didn't have a single incident the entire year of problematic behavior from him - i'm not saying he never had a problem at the montisorri school, it was just that this school was extremely good at managing little kid behavior, and it showed that in the right setting (play based for him) with the right teachers, he could be fine. He spent the year practicing common little kid challenges (waiting your turn, staying still when needed, staying task, turn taking, losing games, transitions etc).

He's now in K at a regular private school and the teachers have reported he's one of the best behaved, a total rule follower, and they would never have suspected any challenges for him if I hadn't said anything. I'm constantly checking in (the preschool experience getting kicked out was traumatic b/c it was so unexpected and felt out of the blue) and they kind of think i'm that crazy mom overly worried about a kid thats doing great.

Long story to say, early problems don't necessarily indicate long term issues. Yes you want to address it but so much can change in just one year for a little kid. He may ultimately need longer term accommodations or supports (which is fine!) or he may just need a different environment/ some maturity / some extra practice. Take it one step at a time and don't go down the rabbit hole that I did when he was first kicked out. I so worried that I'd totally f'd up as a parent, that my child was a total disaster and i'd missed it, that there was no hope for an easier future for him if he was already getting kicked out of preschool at 3 etc....it was paralyzing

Preschool teacher here - the lack of participation is separate (to me) from the disruptive portion.

I imagine it was different with you there - there’s really no way to regain control of a child with their parent there unless you remove them, especially if they are dis regulated.
What is the staffing and support like?it may be that they don’t have the resources to help him focus during that time.

They may not see an issue with it this year. If so consider that paying attention and patience are skills, and need to be built slowly. It won’t be any easier for him to learn next year, and he is forming a habit of being disruptive. He can learn to do a quiet activity or pick from a limited pool of choices if he can’t sit still.
I teach three year olds….if someone is struggling with morning meeting we help in different ways, but they are never allowed to keep being disruptive over time. I have a fun, energetic classroom and the kids have a lot of freedom, however part of being little is learning boundaries and I’m happy to teach that as well!

I agree a visual schedule is always great for kids, and being consistent with completing tasks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

+1

Different kids thrive in different environments and this preschool isn’t the one for him. Maybe look for one that is outdoors all the time and focuses more on body movement than circle time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Personally, I think sending your nanny in to enforce good behavior is not a good idea.

Without preschool he will jump from 1:1 nanny interactions to kindergarten. That is the worst thing. He’ll be completely unprepared.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible he was acting up because you were there and he was out of his routine? He might listen better to the teachers when you aren't present. Maybe ask his teacher if that's the case.

My guess is the teacher invited OP to stay so OP could see how he normally behaves, and this was it.

Yes, agree with this. Because if OP had heard that this was what he was like without seeing it, she never would have believed it given how surprised she was.

+1.

OP, you say he has an IEP, but I must have missed where you shared what this was for. Is there a ADHD diagnosis, or something else?

Hi OP, thank you so much for going in to watch your child when your teacher asked. Thank you for taking seriously what you saw today. Thank you for being honest about what is happening. Many parents do not do this and make it much, much harder for their kid to grow.

Being the youngest in a program is hard. But because he is the youngest, he has more time to learn the skills he will need for kindergarten. I definitely support doing what the teachers recommend. It could be he needs a program that can offer further support. I hear he's in an inclusive program. Perhaps he needs a program with smaller ratios, more extensive therapies or something specialized for whatever his disability is.

The preschool team says he needs visual schedules, give him the visual schedules. I promise you, they know. I'm assuming the preschool team is comprised of a preschool teacher, some paraducators, and possibly some extra services like speech, and OT. Listen to the team. There is a huge difference between three-four year olds, and four-five-year-olds. He has another year to get ready for kindergarten. And he might need a learning center. You don't know if he can do homeschool model, or the Learning Center, but give him the other year to mature

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the teacher what they recommend. Do everything they say.

Op here. I will follow up but we had a meeting in November for his IEP and the teachers basically said that they are giving him time to mature and that they do not try to force him to participate. They said he still has all of next year to get ready for kindergarten and that they plan to ramp up the expectations more next year and give him time this year.

They also recommended a visual schedule, which we’ve done, but which I don’t think helps.

I’m going to reach out again today to see if she has other thoughts.

It sounds like he needs screening so you can get intervention. Around that age, we had a behavioral therapist visit my daughter at home and school weekly. The first few visits at home were just bonding with her. Then she met her at school. The behavior therapist was able to help my daughter participate in the group activities and transitions. She listened to what the teachers told her the problem areas were and the behavior therapist addressed them. Meanwhile, she filled me in and told me what I could work on at home to help. It was really worth it. I would really try to get this addressed early. The teacher invited you to stay so you could see what was actually going on. She is gently letting you know she has concerns.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Being the youngest in a group when you are 3 and the other kids are 4 or 5 is huge!

He’s 4. It’s literally in the title.

DCUM Reading Comprehension is always this bad. Every thread. It's a wonder these people have jobs and homes.

The OP got what I was asking. Big difference between a kid who just turned 4 and was 3 all fall vs a kid about to turn 5. This kid just turned 4 so won’t even be eligible for K next year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he? Being the youngest in a group when you are 3 and the other kids are 4 or 5 is huge!

He’s 4. It’s literally in the title.

DCUM Reading Comprehension is always this bad. Every thread. It's a wonder these people have jobs and homes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

+1

Different kids thrive in different environments and this preschool isn’t the one for him. Maybe look for one that is outdoors all the time and focuses more on body movement than circle time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Personally, I think sending your nanny in to enforce good behavior is not a good idea.

I am the biggest outdoors preschool proponent you will find, and my son goes to a completely outdoors preschool and I just want to share that it still isn’t a panacea. I wish it was. My son with adhd has still had struggles even in the outdoor environment because navigating sharing and peer relationships is still hard and sometimes even more hard outdoors where there is less structure (good in some ways, hard in others). The op seems to have her child in a preschool specifically for kids with additional needs in an inclusion setting so I just wouldn’t jump to saying it’s the setting that’s the problem (especially since teachers said they don’t expect him to sit). Outdoors is amazing and I certainly think it has benefited my kid but wouldn’t want anyone to think it just magically makes things disappear.

All very good points.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

+1

Different kids thrive in different environments and this preschool isn’t the one for him. Maybe look for one that is outdoors all the time and focuses more on body movement than circle time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Personally, I think sending your nanny in to enforce good behavior is not a good idea.

I am the biggest outdoors preschool proponent you will find, and my son goes to a completely outdoors preschool and I just want to share that it still isn’t a panacea. I wish it was. My son with adhd has still had struggles even in the outdoor environment because navigating sharing and peer relationships is still hard and sometimes even more hard outdoors where there is less structure (good in some ways, hard in others). The op seems to have her child in a preschool specifically for kids with additional needs in an inclusion setting so I just wouldn’t jump to saying it’s the setting that’s the problem (especially since teachers said they don’t expect him to sit). Outdoors is amazing and I certainly think it has benefited my kid but wouldn’t want anyone to think it just magically makes things disappear.

Anonymous wrote:Do you feel strongly that he NEEDS preschool? Maybe he's just not set up for success because he's not ready? I personally don't think there's much benefit to preschool, compared to a qualified nanny at home.

+1

Different kids thrive in different environments and this preschool isn’t the one for him. Maybe look for one that is outdoors all the time and focuses more on body movement than circle time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Personally, I think sending your nanny in to enforce good behavior is not a good idea.