Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has all the tendencies of a narcissist (what popular culture today defines it as). And she's raising her kids to believe they can do no wrong. And yet, she calls herself an empath. I think the fact that she believes she knows what everyone is thinking at all times contributes to her narcissism. It's a real mindfu#+k for anyone in their path.

I had a conversation with her once where she insisted I said something I never said. It wasn't about her or anything, it was about how my son was looking forward to playing tennis even though he was nervous. A couple of weeks later, she said she was going to pull her son from tennis because he only wanted to play if mine did. She said I told her my son was quitting. I said no, I never said that. She said "well that was the energy you were putting out when we talked about it so you might have changed your mind or something." Because she's a self proclaimed empath, she can (try to) manipulate a situation which is so narcissistic. You know?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you are a covert narc yourself, OP?

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-the-covert-narcissist-4584587

Thank you for this list! OP here. No, but I am specifically talking about the listed attributes, at work, or in other relationships. Again, thank you for this list:

Having a sense of self-importance or grandiosity
Experiencing fantasies about being influential, famous, or important
Exaggerating their abilities, talents, and accomplishments
Craving admiration and acknowledgment
Being preoccupied with beauty, love, power, or success
Having an exaggerated sense of being unique
Believing that the world owes them something
Exploiting others to get what they want (no matter how it impacts others)
Lacking empathy toward others

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who have suffered narcissistic abuse, especially in childhood at the hands of narcissistic parents, are drawn to narcissistic abuse in later life - if they date a partner who pushes the same buttons their parents did this feels familiar and comfortable and they often don’t have the healthy intimacy boundaries that would compel them to run away from a dating partner who exhibited narcissistic traits.

This is exactly correct. Same thing with physical abuse or alcoholism. Most people naturally gravitate towards the familiar. Children from abusive families need years of expert therapy. Otherwise, the cycle most often continues.

Actually, more of them become narcissistic themselves. There is evidence the brain actually changes in response to that abuse growing up. They repeat the cycle.

Narcs are attracted to empaths.

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps you are a covert narc yourself, OP?

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-the-covert-narcissist-4584587

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a narcissistic father and a mother who enabled it and also set me up to enable it (she’d explain to me explicitly how we needed to let him win arguments and defer to his moods “for our own benefit” for instance). In some ways I was fortunate because thanks to a traumatic family incident in my teens, I sought therapy during college and became aware of how dysfunctional my family was. I learned to spot narcissism and codependency snd successfully avoided it in my romantic relationships. Wound up with a guy who is very different than my dad and have a healthy relationship that is mutually respectful and not codependent.

BUT despite years of therapy and a lot of work to understand these patterns, I twice wound up in workplace situations where I was working for someone with narcissistic tendencies and slipped into my people pleasing, enabling habits from childhood. The first time I wrote it off as a fluke, a bad work experience. The second time I realized— i seek this dynamic out. Not in my romantic relationships, but at work and sometimes in friendships, I seek out authority figures who have similarities to my dad — demanding, self-absorbed, highly judgmental, and willing to weaponize the appearance of vulnerability to guilt ne into serving their needs. I crave approval from people like this because they are a stand in for my dad, whose approval I never got. And since a narcissist loves to have someone working hard for their approval, these people are also initially drawn to me. In both work situations, I quickly became the narcissists favorite pet/mentee.

And thus happened despite knowing my patterns and being on the lookout for this dynamic. But I didn’t think to check myself at work because it felt normal to have a controlling, disapproving boss at work who I wanted to impress. It took me years to realize what I was doing.

So yes, I do think some people attract narcissists.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a narcissistic father and a mother who enabled it and also set me up to enable it (she’d explain to me explicitly how we needed to let him win arguments and defer to his moods “for our own benefit” for instance). In some ways I was fortunate because thanks to a traumatic family incident in my teens, I sought therapy during college and became aware of how dysfunctional my family was. I learned to spot narcissism and codependency snd successfully avoided it in my romantic relationships. Wound up with a guy who is very different than my dad and have a healthy relationship that is mutually respectful and not codependent.

BUT despite years of therapy and a lot of work to understand these patterns, I twice wound up in workplace situations where I was working for someone with narcissistic tendencies and slipped into my people pleasing, enabling habits from childhood. The first time I wrote it off as a fluke, a bad work experience. The second time I realized— i seek this dynamic out. Not in my romantic relationships, but at work and sometimes in friendships, I seek out authority figures who have similarities to my dad — demanding, self-absorbed, highly judgmental, and willing to weaponize the appearance of vulnerability to guilt ne into serving their needs. I crave approval from people like this because they are a stand in for my dad, whose approval I never got. And since a narcissist loves to have someone working hard for their approval, these people are also initially drawn to me. In both work situations, I quickly became the narcissists favorite pet/mentee.

And thus happened despite knowing my patterns and being on the lookout for this dynamic. But I didn’t think to check myself at work because it felt normal to have a controlling, disapproving boss at work who I wanted to impress. It took me years to realize what I was doing.

So yes, I do think some people attract narcissists.