Anonymous wrote:It’s wild to me that people are trying to shame the OP.

It’s wild to me that anyone thinks a DIL counting a SIL’s gifts is justified! They aren’t even OP’s parents!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent I have no intention of treating my children equally. I don’t know why people are obsessed with this. My brother is sort of a screw up and needs more help from our parents. I’m not and I take pride in it. It would be so freaking weird if my parents venmo’d me $20 every time they did it for him.

But the stakes are much higher than $20 here

What “stakes”?? It’s not OP’s money. It’s not her husband’s money. Her SIL is a screw up. Does she wish she had married SIL instead? I doubt it.

Do you really think it’s cool for them to buy one sibling a million apartment and not give a dime to the other?

It’s wild to me that people are trying to shame the OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Should we ask for an entitled whiner forum?

None of your business.

Be glad your husband didn’t come with school debt.

Be glad for what you have.

OP here. I do, I am. I want to know how I can stop being bothered and jealous of what they do for her over and above 1000% what they e done for my husband. It makes me feel sad for him, in addition to just being jealous that I’ve never gotten to go to Italy.

Grow up!
Seriously be glad that you and your husband are self sufficient. I see this dynamic with relatives and am so grateful I can take care of my darn self. I cannot imagine wishing my grown a** had mommy and daddy paying my daycare and mortgage. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent I have no intention of treating my children equally. I don’t know why people are obsessed with this. My brother is sort of a screw up and needs more help from our parents. I’m not and I take pride in it. It would be so freaking weird if my parents venmo’d me $20 every time they did it for him.

+1

People need different things at different times. I owe my kids a secure and stable environment from which to launch them into the world as able bodied (and minded) as they can be. But what happens after that is up to me and DH and I don’t expect each kid to need the exact same thing as the other. I hope they love and respect each other and me enough to understand that.

So you would provide your kid with muliple overseas, all-expenses-paid vacations every year? And enable them to not have a job by paying their way in life? And buying them a $1m+ apartment? All while providing nothing to your other kid?

Ignore all the nasty people on here castigating you for noticing the unfairness, OP. You haven't said anything about it to anyone and you are trying to get past your resentment, so you're doing the best you can. You have a right to your feelings, and resentment is understandable. Especially when you're dealing with young kids and a tight budget, it can be hard to see someone else flit around with no responsibilities, funded entirely by parents who give you nothing. I think that you know that you're ultimately in the better position; one day your kids will grow up and you'll be able to travel and do all the things you want, and you'll be able to really appreciate your own independence and ability to succeed without the support. Nonetheless, of course it's going to be hard right now. I think you just need to accept that your feelings are valid while acknowledging that you wouldn't want her life, and block her on all social media. As mentioned by others, it would be a good idea to make sure you and your husband are on the same page about not taking over your SIL's support once her parents no longer can. Maybe you also want to ask your husband to mention setting up 529s for your kids that his parents could contribute to? In some families that may be presumptuous, but I know in mine it would be a welcome suggestion. Otherwise, there's not much you can do about it but grit your teeth and try to ignore it.

Anonymous wrote:As a parent I have no intention of treating my children equally. I don’t know why people are obsessed with this. My brother is sort of a screw up and needs more help from our parents. I’m not and I take pride in it. It would be so freaking weird if my parents venmo’d me $20 every time they did it for him.

+1

People need different things at different times. I owe my kids a secure and stable environment from which to launch them into the world as able bodied (and minded) as they can be. But what happens after that is up to me and DH and I don’t expect each kid to need the exact same thing as the other. I hope they love and respect each other and me enough to understand that.

Anonymous wrote:Be happy the parents and sister don’t think you should be supporting her. We have that situation and it is so crazy.

x100000

OP, your MIL and FIL are enabling your SIL - your SIL will always have anxiety, because people bail her out, and that is what she is used to - she is not accustomed to solving her own problems. My SIL/MIL dynamics are the same - totally unhealthy, and MIL keeps enabling SIL. SIL and MIL both have severe "anxiety", over which they bond (instead of getting help)- but in their case, it might just be laziness (I know that real anxiety exists).

Be grateful you are not SIL, seriously. MIL takes care of everything for SIL - and SIL is sure to make the distinction, no matter how petty, between "us" and them" - it a sh*tty thing to do. Good people don't divide families. SIL even made sure that MIL gave future (SIL's DIL) an important ring from the family. Kind of a big EFF YOU to our side - but we expected MIL and SIL to act that way. Why would they change now and become nice, considerate, non selfish humans? Won't happen.

As long as you remind yourself that MIL and SIL will always be spoiled, mean individuals - and that MIL's legacy is just that (she has NO idea how good she has it, thanks to FIL, in her old age) - it will keep the truth in perspective. And when your kids ask, you can tell the the truth! MIL chooses her legacy - if it is negative, then so be it. MIL's choice :shrug:

This scenario is the same for my siblings and my parents. My parents bought homes for my siblings, cars, they pay the tuition for their kids, and neither of my siblings work.

It's awful. I'm not worried about my parents leaving inheritance just to them because I don't think there will be anything left. But if they did, I can totally see my mother insisting that since I don't need it, I won't get anything. Same for spending time with my kids vs my sister's kids. To my parents, my sister's kids NEED their grandparents more because my sister is so lazy and my kids are luckier because my DH and I work, own our own home, etc., did all the right things, so our kids don't need their grandparents. It's a messed up cycle.

Would you want her life though? To be 30+ and completely reliant on your parents is not really an accomplishment. Sure it sounds wonderful to not have to work, live in a nice apt in nyc and travel internationally all without paying for any of it. However, it does come at a price. No matter how cushy it might be , I could never live like that and feel good about myself or truly enjoy that lifestyle because I’d always feel inadequate and guilty about living off my parents and not capable of independence and self sufficiency. Maybe she doesn’t feel guilty or inadequate but most people would in her position. Sorry but I think if you are happily married and have a child and you and your spouse support yourselves and have a nice time together, that is way more desirable and valuable than a lifestyle like your SIL has.

This is totally unfair and would bother me too. I’m not sure what you should or can do about it, but I can understand why you are upset. Everything you describe just seems so over the top, not just an apartment, but a million+ apartment in manhattan. Not sure a trip, but a big European vacation.

Be happy the parents and sister don’t think you should be supporting her. We have that situation and it is so crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent I have no intention of treating my children equally. I don’t know why people are obsessed with this. My brother is sort of a screw up and needs more help from our parents. I’m not and I take pride in it. It would be so freaking weird if my parents venmo’d me $20 every time they did it for him.

But the stakes are much higher than $20 here

What “stakes”?? It’s not OP’s money. It’s not her husband’s money. Her SIL is a screw up. Does she wish she had married SIL instead? I doubt it.

You are insufferable OP.

Unless you have been actively involved in SIL medical care for her anxiety, you are just guessing. Like everything, there are varying levels of impact due to a medical issue.

And you should understand by now that social media highlights positive stuff. People suffering illness usually don’t post how bad things are. No pictures from 2:48am panic attacks.

Anonymous wrote:As a parent I have no intention of treating my children equally. I don’t know why people are obsessed with this. My brother is sort of a screw up and needs more help from our parents. I’m not and I take pride in it. It would be so freaking weird if my parents venmo’d me $20 every time they did it for him.

But the stakes are much higher than $20 here