Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Lots could still happen. Come back in 10 years.

True, lots of people have a first in the late 30s (we had two after 35).

I'm curious though, do you 33 and 31 year old talk about why they don't want children? I'm hearing the same from friends who have kids in that age group and younger, so this is not unusual, and have to wonder what's going on?

New poster here, 34, childfree. So many reasons. The general state of the world, climate change, finances. I am happily married but we cannot afford to buy a house. Daycare is absurdly expensive and we wouldn’t afford that either. I feel like having a child would be simultaneous with giving up retirement and working until I couldn’t walk anymore.

I don’t want all the grunt work that comes with being a parent. I am glad my parents already have grandchildren through my sibling, but sibling is very difficult and that relationship is tenuous. I feel bad that they don’t have a close relationship with their grandkids.

I have some worsening health problems that would make pregnancy a difficult or simply dangerous state for me.

Basically I think people who have kids should 101% want to be parents. You should be all in, or nothing. And I am not.

Life may surprise you yet. My SIL and my husband’s best friend both married into being bonus parents of tweens and teens when they were in their mid-40s. They took the role gladly and my husband’s parents have embraced and included their step-grandchildren so smoothly and gracefully it’s hard to remember a time when they weren’t part of the family.

My husband’s parents went from having no grandchildren when their kids were 37, 33, and 29 - me going through IVF and 2 daughters who had no interest in being married. 7 years later they have 6 grandkids age 1-17, 2 married kids and an engaged 36yr old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

If you can afford to pay for freezing eggs, do it. My friend did this for her 22-year old daughter. That may sound crazy, but we were raised LDS and she raised her daughter LDS, and one big complaint among our generation of women raised LDS is that many rushed to get married and have babies out of fear, so she gave her daughters the gift of time so she could enjoy her twenties and thirties and date and find the right person without the pressure of ticking biological clock. I am inspired to do the same for my daughters!

I thought it was the whole "purity culture" thing. 20 year olds want to have sex. When they've been shamed to think they are ruined if they do that outside of marriage, well, they get married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

If you can afford to pay for freezing eggs, do it. My friend did this for her 22-year old daughter. That may sound crazy, but we were raised LDS and she raised her daughter LDS, and one big complaint among our generation of women raised LDS is that many rushed to get married and have babies out of fear, so she gave her daughters the gift of time so she could enjoy her twenties and thirties and date and find the right person without the pressure of ticking biological clock. I am inspired to do the same for my daughters!

this is an interesting perspective.

Anonymous wrote:How old are you, OP?

56. We don't live in DC, we live in the midwest.
we could help our daughter freeze her eggs, I suppose. She didn't want any help for her house and likely wouldn't take help for this either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

If you can afford to pay for freezing eggs, do it. My friend did this for her 22-year old daughter. That may sound crazy, but we were raised LDS and she raised her daughter LDS, and one big complaint among our generation of women raised LDS is that many rushed to get married and have babies out of fear, so she gave her daughters the gift of time so she could enjoy her twenties and thirties and date and find the right person without the pressure of ticking biological clock. I am inspired to do the same for my daughters!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Lots could still happen. Come back in 10 years.

True, lots of people have a first in the late 30s (we had two after 35).

I'm curious though, do you 33 and 31 year old talk about why they don't want children? I'm hearing the same from friends who have kids in that age group and younger, so this is not unusual, and have to wonder what's going on?

They don't want the hassle of it. They are comfortable and they know, with kids, comes getting up at night, worrying, changing diapers, having plans waylayed. They don't want that life for themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

You are out of touch with current dating/marriage timelines. If the 35 year old son wants to be married and have kids it can totally happen. In fact highly likely to happen.

OP here - I hope so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

that's 3 kids, not 4. what about the 4th?

+1. Maybe 3 kids PP thought the question was for her

OP here - I said this - "ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids"

How old are you, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

You are out of touch with current dating/marriage timelines. If the 35 year old son wants to be married and have kids it can totally happen. In fact highly likely to happen.

Agree, I think it's too early to tell OP.

35yo could easily have kids

34yo still might (and even if she can't freeze her eggs and her biological clock runs out, she could adopt)

33 and 31 could change their minds, especially 31

Be glad of it. Your children are insuring that you have no chance of outliving a grandchild. You will hear many people say that there's nothing worse than a parent outliving their child, but those people are wrong. There is someone worse; a grandparent outliving their grandchild. But if you never have grandchildren, you won't have to worry about that at all. Heck, I don't even have children of my own, nor do I plan to, and that's just because I don't want to open up the possibility of outliving one.

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle are going through the same thing. One child doesn't want kids, the other has been having trouble conceiving for years. But they do take advantage of a child-free family--fun vacations, nice dinners out, etc.

They are also wonderful "second" grandparents to my kids. Do you have grand nieces/nephews who you can spend time with? Or even neighbors who don't have family here? My kids love my aunt and uncle.

Same here - my kids love my aunt and uncle - they live closer to us than my parents so we see them a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Lots could still happen. Come back in 10 years.

Agree. Your son has a looooong time to have kids.
Your 34 year old WANTS kids. Can you afford to help her financially to freeze eggs?
Lastly, either of your younger two could change their minds, more likely the unmarried one.

I was about to suggest this. It's not cheap to do and if the OP or pp (whichever it was that replied since there's some confusion) wants grandchildren, I think it makes a lot of sense for them to pay for it. The fact that they aren't already doing so probably means they can't afford to cover it either which is really unfortunate.

It's been said a million times, if we all waited to till we were ready to have kids, none of us would have any.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? People are having kids much later in life especially if they have careers. Your grandkids may still be coming but you need to give it some time. Until all your kids have either said "we're not having kids" or reach mid to late 40s I wouldn't rule it out.

ages 33 (she's married) and 31 - have said no kids
age 34 - she is not dating and doesn't want to but does talk about children at some point. Thinking about freezing eggs but has no money to do it. She just bought a house.
age 35 - he would like to be in a relationship and have kids but it doesn't appear to be happening, or at least it is casually.

so I guess it COULD happen later, but I think the odds are not good.

Lots could still happen. Come back in 10 years.

Agree. Your son has a looooong time to have kids.
Your 34 year old WANTS kids. Can you afford to help her financially to freeze eggs?
Lastly, either of your younger two could change their minds, more likely the unmarried one.