Anonymous wrote:Most estrangements come from wounds far deeper than “they were never close.” Keep out of your friend’s business and don’t judge her for not attending, because you don’t know the whole story.

+1

I am estranged from my brother and will not attend his funeral when the time comes.

MYOB

No. I’m estranged from my brother but it’s not for any reason. We just drifted apart. I made efforts to KIT but he never bothered so eventually I stopped.

I wouldn’t go because if feel uncomfortable around his wife and kids. I’m sure they be like, who the eff are you and where have you been all these years??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would the brother’s spouse/kids even want her there? They might not depending on what happened.

This was my first thought, too. Funerals are for the survivors. OP showing up in [b]her expensive car and clothing[/b] is going to change the mood in a bad way.

You're making a lot of assumptions, there.

Parents, if you're watching, THIS IS WHY YOU DO NOT SHOW FAVORITES with the inheritance.

Anonymous wrote:My closest friend at work has a brother she hasn't spoken with in 11 years. I understand that they were never actually close despite being 2 years apart, but when their mother died the estate (4m) was left to my friend. That was the last time they spoke.

He died in a freak accident this last Thursday at 52 and the funeral is next week. She is not planning on attending. This has me baffled.

Why are you baffled? I haven't spoken to my father in 20 years. He's in poor health and in his 70s. I long ago mourned the loss of any kind of father I wish I had. He's done nothing for me on any level besides meeting legal obligations of food, etc. for a child. I doubt I will go to his funeral and, if I do, it would be as a result of external forces/expectations. But, wouldn't want to be there.

Unless you've lived dysfunction in your family, and worse, you have no right to opine on her decision.

My only sibling and I are estranged for similarly deep wounds that other PPs have alluded to. I’d attend her funeral to show support for her two daughters and for our parents. In this case, I wouldn’t judge for a second someone’s decision not to attend the funeral. People with functional families really have no clue how bad things can be.

If I was the brother's wife or kids and the estranged aunt who had hoarded the inheritance showed up at his funeral I would be LIVID. And probably cause a scene. GTFO.

I'm glad your friend knows better.

Anonymous wrote:Would the brother’s spouse/kids even want her there? They might not depending on what happened.

This was my first thought, too. Funerals are for the survivors. OP showing up in her expensive car and clothing is going to change the mood in a bad way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would go to grieve for what was and what might have been.

But I wouldn’t judge my friend for not feeling the need to go or deciding not to. There’s a million reasons why. Your friend may want to avoid other toxic people at the funeral. Or she might actually care more than you think and she needs to not attend for her own mental health/sanity.

Sounds like there’s $4M reasons why.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Would the brother’s spouse/kids even want her there? They might not depending on what happened.

+1

Anonymous wrote:What did she do to get mom to give her all the money? I could see why he wanted nothing to do with her.

+1

Totally suspicious.

Stay out of it, Nosey Nellie. Ugh. I can’t stand looky loo/gossipy types like you.

Would the brother’s spouse/kids even want her there? They might not depending on what happened.

I would go to see family but not attend the funeral especially if people were going to say nice things about someone that may not be nice. It also could be super awkward if everyone knows she has all the money. Funerals are for people that are grieving there is no place for someone that doesn't feel that way about the person.

Anonymous wrote:A funeral is for those mourning the dead, and those supporting said mourners. If she's not in one of those two categories, it makes sense she wouldn't go.

Absolutely agree. The saying is that funerals are for the living not the dead. A relative goes to the funeral if it provides closure for themselves or if their presence will provide comfort or assurance for others attending.

So, your friend should go if it provides her closure, or if she cares about her brother's spouse, family or their extended family and they would find comfort from her presence. If she does not need the closure herself and she does not care about the effect of her presence to those mourning her brother, she does not need to go.

Either way, she will make the decision and OP should stay out of it entirely and not even offer her opinion on her friend's decision. Because it is none of OP's business and she would be a bad friend to try and pressure her friend into doing something that might make her feel worse, or make other mourners feel worse.