We have 3 (ages 2, 6 and 8) and both work full time and have never had a stay at home parent. DH is a law firm partner and I am a manager with a team of 6. I work from home 4 days a week and since the pandemic DH has gone in between 1-3 days a week. Prior to the pandemic (and prior to becoming a partner) he put in a ton of hours at the office. He still works a lot, usually 50-60 hours a week, and I work normal hours. We have never had a nanny and non of our parents live close by.

I am ruthless about organization, meal prep, staying on top of things for kids. DH is also very organized and tries to help as much as his schedule allows. All our kids do activities throughout the year: swim, soccer, softball, Girl Scouts, etc. two oldest are in all day school but no aftercare and youngest is in full time daycare.

We live in a close in suburb - about 10 miles from DH’s job. It’s hard but we manage. It obviously has become easier as the youngest has gotten older.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Our jobs are 40-45 hours a week each, flexible, and DH mostly works from home as well. I think I just get easily distracted. I can focus well when I'm not tired and very happy/fulfilled. Otherwise, it's hit or miss. I also get PPD after each birth.

You should just focus on the kids you have.

OP again. I agree. I can't manage to convince DH. He says he'll keep asking for the 3rd into our 50s, even when it's biologically impossible. He's also open to adoption, but only of the 4th.

You don’t have to “convince” DH. No vote always wins. ESPECIALLY when it involves a mother who has a history of PPD - I can’t believe he is pushing you on this given your medical history.

Just ignore him. Change the subject. He’s basically saying he will nag you for years, but will also move on.

For those of you thinking it's easier as the kids get older, not true.

At least, not if you want them picking their favorite extra-curriculars, the ones they're good at and which might reflect well on them for college apps. College admissions have become extraordinarily challenging, and sometimes the activity your kid excels at is far away and smack bang at the same time as your other kid's activity.

I don't know how you can ferry multiple kids across town in the afternoon every day while working full time. There are threads every year asking for drivers for such tasks!

It's FINE to register them all for after-school soccer, if that's all you can do. But just know that others with fewer kids or more free time or more drivers will have a leg up on giving a more individual and customized lifestyle to each child.

I have 3 kids and don’t work but most families we know have two working parents. One or both parents seem to have flexible jobs.

I don’t even work and constantly have conflicts with kids and activities. I carpool. Our kids friends are also part of families who have conflicts. My kids seem to always get to where they need to be one way or another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Our jobs are 40-45 hours a week each, flexible, and DH mostly works from home as well. I think I just get easily distracted. I can focus well when I'm not tired and very happy/fulfilled. Otherwise, it's hit or miss. I also get PPD after each birth.

You should just focus on the kids you have.

OP again. I agree. I can't manage to convince DH. He says he'll keep asking for the 3rd into our 50s, even when it's biologically impossible. He's also open to adoption, but only of the 4th.

This is really jerky behavior, OP. He’s not considering your well being at all if he seriously can’t stop nagging you despite you saying no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents help us. And were financially stable to afford outside help.

Every family I know that had three under age 5 had a lot of grandparent help in addition to preschool/nanny.

Not us. We have a nanny during the work week from 8-6 pm but do not have regular help from family. DH's parents visit three times a year (for each child's birthday) and my mother visits six or seven times a year (for each child's birthday + holidays). Our parents don't do activities alone with all three kids and they are not around to help with the day-to-day. My children are 1, 2, and 5.

Ok you have an extra adult. That is the point. Some people pay for it and some have family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents help us. And were financially stable to afford outside help.

Every family I know that had three under age 5 had a lot of grandparent help in addition to preschool/nanny.

I have 1 kid and couldn't do it without grandparent help. Kids are tough!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents help us. And were financially stable to afford outside help.

Every family I know that had three under age 5 had a lot of grandparent help in addition to preschool/nanny.

Not us. We have a nanny during the work week from 8-6 pm but do not have regular help from family. DH's parents visit three times a year (for each child's birthday) and my mother visits six or seven times a year (for each child's birthday + holidays). Our parents don't do activities alone with all three kids and they are not around to help with the day-to-day. My children are 1, 2, and 5.

Anonymous wrote:We have 2 kids, 2 parents and one parent works part time and that is PLENTY for us. I don’t judge larger families - I just literally can’t understand how the parents do it.

Lower standards. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

We have 2 kids, 2 parents and one parent works part time and that is PLENTY for us. I don’t judge larger families - I just literally can’t understand how the parents do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Our jobs are 40-45 hours a week each, flexible, and DH mostly works from home as well. I think I just get easily distracted. I can focus well when I'm not tired and very happy/fulfilled. Otherwise, it's hit or miss. I also get PPD after each birth.

You should just focus on the kids you have.

OP again. I agree. I can't manage to convince DH. He says he'll keep asking for the 3rd into our 50s, even when it's biologically impossible. He's also open to adoption, but only of the 4th.

My sister helps. She has nothing else going on.

Most I know also have easy #1 and 2. This is a huge factor no amount logistics will solve.

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Our jobs are 40-45 hours a week each, flexible, and DH mostly works from home as well. I think I just get easily distracted. I can focus well when I'm not tired and very happy/fulfilled. Otherwise, it's hit or miss. I also get PPD after each birth.

You should just focus on the kids you have.

We have a nanny for five hours each day and a cleaning lady twice a week. DH and I both work from home and are our own bosses, so we can make our own schedules for the most part.