Anonymous wrote:I'll do what my grand mother did. Her kids took terms choosing one item at a time until they didn't care any more. For everything else, they then went through her house with stickers. Anything without a sticker was donated. They compromised on items with multiple stickers. It seems to have worked well.

+1

I like this idea. No playing favorites, no lack of disclosure, no insecurities playing out loud yet again, no being ungrateful for "all what" the self appointed black sheep did for you over the years, no feigning ignorance, no being petty at any level. Just good old fashioned morals - and FAIRNESS. No peeing contests. Divvying up in the name of being fair. What a concept. Good on you, your family, and your MILs legacy. For real.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

That is messed up.

She gave her ring to her grandson to propose with? What's messed up about that? It's still in the family, no?

Maybe she did it out of spite and is evil. But just chiming in to say that what she did is pretty classic, giving her grandson a ring to propose with? That’s what my grandma did, offered my brother her engagement ring to propose with. I love the ring and would have liked to have it, but my DH offered me his mother’s engagement ring. I don’t see how it would have been fair for me to get the other engagement ring and wear it as a « regular » ring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two daughters but no son, so it’s a bit different. I started giving DDs, who are teens, my jewelry from when I was younger. Last Christmas was kind of a big gift event, as I just started doing it and wanted to give them items that they can wear now, before they get a bit too old for them. I.e., antique charm bracelets, pear earrings and necklace, some heart shaped earrings. I still have more stuff that I am planning to give away over the next few years. Unless I die unexpectedly in an accident or so, I should have given away everything before I die one day. I think my DH will leave his watches to DDs as well, but it’s too early to tell. Way too young to consider a future DH or grandkids, haha!

I agree with the idea of giving it away while you're alive if you can.

My grandmother always said — give while the hand is warm. I think it also increases the likelihood someone will keep it. The ring my grandmother gave me for my 16th birthday, I just have to my oldest for her sixteenth birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

That is messed up.

It’s not messed up at all. The man gives the woman the engagement ring. If given to a daughter or granddaughter, it could be worn in the other hand I guess, but she’s not going to gift herself an engagement ring.

It’s very standard to give an engagement ring to a grandson to give to his fiancé. That’s happened multiple times in my family.

And I’m the girl who didn’t get the ring because my make cousin got it to give to his wife. It’s fine.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the problem with what most Baby Boomers will leave behind when they die is that nobody will want their old furniture. It'll cost the estate more to get rid of than what it's actually worth.

It's actually been a common theme for a number of my friends. Their parents don't seem to understand that they see most of their old stuff as clutter, and not some sort of valuable heirlooms.

I'm a boomer and have had good success freecycling or donating my old furniture. It's not hard, there actually are people out there who want this stuff. Have you seen the videos of dresser renovations? I don't care what happens to it - it could be chopped up for firewood after I die. But I also plan to downsize so won't have that much by the time I die. That was true for my grandparents and in-laws too.

Anonymous wrote:I have two daughters but no son, so it’s a bit different. I started giving DDs, who are teens, my jewelry from when I was younger. Last Christmas was kind of a big gift event, as I just started doing it and wanted to give them items that they can wear now, before they get a bit too old for them. I.e., antique charm bracelets, pear earrings and necklace, some heart shaped earrings. I still have more stuff that I am planning to give away over the next few years. Unless I die unexpectedly in an accident or so, I should have given away everything before I die one day. I think my DH will leave his watches to DDs as well, but it’s too early to tell. Way too young to consider a future DH or grandkids, haha!

I agree with the idea of giving it away while you're alive if you can.

I have two daughters but no son, so it’s a bit different. I started giving DDs, who are teens, my jewelry from when I was younger. Last Christmas was kind of a big gift event, as I just started doing it and wanted to give them items that they can wear now, before they get a bit too old for them. I.e., antique charm bracelets, pear earrings and necklace, some heart shaped earrings. I still have more stuff that I am planning to give away over the next few years. Unless I die unexpectedly in an accident or so, I should have given away everything before I die one day. I think my DH will leave his watches to DDs as well, but it’s too early to tell. Way too young to consider a future DH or grandkids, haha!

Honestly, the problem with what most Baby Boomers will leave behind when they die is that nobody will want their old furniture. It'll cost the estate more to get rid of than what it's actually worth.

It's actually been a common theme for a number of my friends. Their parents don't seem to understand that they see most of their old stuff as clutter, and not some sort of valuable heirlooms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL has told DH and his sister that SIL is getting everything of value because she is alone and deserves it. I don’t get it, but whatever, we don’t need it. DH has asked sister for one painting but we know she wants it too so he probably won’t get it. He loves his parents but he knows she’s the favorite and has always received far more than he has. She was the “miracle baby” MIL had at 40. So she’s always been treated like she’s something special. She sure is “special”, LOL!

LOL - she was a mistake! That's for damn sure!

We don't need anything - but if a blood grandchild asks for something specific, and you say no, you got bigger problems than the item! If that is how she wants to be remembered, so be it!

You’re quoting me. I don’t know what my kids will want, if anything, but they are currently too young for it to even matter. Who knows how long my in laws will live, but DH and I don’t need anything and haven’t made any
LANs taking any sort of inheritance from either side into account. My own parents have it made it clear that they’d prefer money go to their grandkids, which is fine with me!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want your stuff? My parents brought up how they’ll divide their things between me and my siblings and I was thinking “we don’t want this stuff!” I would just sell or give away or throw away practically anything my parents left for me and I’m pretty sure my siblings will too. I’m talking paintings/artwork, books (they have a huge book collection including some valuable ones), furniture and household items. If I can sell for a profit, I will. Otherwise I’ll donate or throw out. My parents and I do not have remotely the same taste in art and our sense of style is very different. I am very sentimental and will save photos, anything they’ve written like personal notes/letters but I don’t have an attachment to or want their “stuff.”

+1. I’m a minimalist and my parents have a ton of stuff that I don’t want. I love them and would like a few mementos but the only things I can think of that id really want are small/don’t have much monetary value (a Christmas ornament, some fridge magnets, photos). I think a lot of older people do a lot of hand wringing about who gets their things when in actuality a lot of younger people are like me and don’t want the things.

My mother was greatly offended that I don't want her jewels and stuff. She was making a big tah do about how maybe if we are good she might have a few rounds of presenting her jewels and stuff and allowing me and my sisters to pick if we could be civil and understanding and chose among ourselves who gets what. She gets her whole Queen voice as she presents this grand generosity that of course comes with strings and guilt trips. I politely informed her she is welcome to do that with my sisters and i don't need more stuff. She accused me of being all sorts of things because I don't want o be part of the ceremony. It's all so strange. I think it's wonderful if people want all this stuff and it's great if it's done in a loving way and fills people with beautiful memories. In my family everything comes with guilt trips and strings and there is such a need to create drama. Pretty sure only one of my sisters wants the jewels and she will have a ball draping herself in them and carrying on the tradition of acting la ti dah and special.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want your stuff? My parents brought up how they’ll divide their things between me and my siblings and I was thinking “we don’t want this stuff!” I would just sell or give away or throw away practically anything my parents left for me and I’m pretty sure my siblings will too. I’m talking paintings/artwork, books (they have a huge book collection including some valuable ones), furniture and household items. If I can sell for a profit, I will. Otherwise I’ll donate or throw out. My parents and I do not have remotely the same taste in art and our sense of style is very different. I am very sentimental and will save photos, anything they’ve written like personal notes/letters but I don’t have an attachment to or want their “stuff.”

+1. I’m a minimalist and my parents have a ton of stuff that I don’t want. I love them and would like a few mementos but the only things I can think of that id really want are small/don’t have much monetary value (a Christmas ornament, some fridge magnets, photos). I think a lot of older people do a lot of hand wringing about who gets their things when in actuality a lot of younger people are like me and don’t want the things.

I'm the PP who told the story about my grandfather. Lots of what all of us as his surviving children and grandchildren wanted were the small things. Even those you'd be surprised how sometimes more than one person attaches meaning to that same item. I'm betting that when the time comes my brother will want my mom's 50yr old waffle iron. She's famous for making her waffles with a recipe from some 1960s cookbook. I have fond memories but don't want it, although it's a family memory so I could just as easily want it and we'd have to work it out.

Anonymous wrote:Do your kids even want your stuff? My parents brought up how they’ll divide their things between me and my siblings and I was thinking “we don’t want this stuff!” I would just sell or give away or throw away practically anything my parents left for me and I’m pretty sure my siblings will too. I’m talking paintings/artwork, books (they have a huge book collection including some valuable ones), furniture and household items. If I can sell for a profit, I will. Otherwise I’ll donate or throw out. My parents and I do not have remotely the same taste in art and our sense of style is very different. I am very sentimental and will save photos, anything they’ve written like personal notes/letters but I don’t have an attachment to or want their “stuff.”

+1. I’m a minimalist and my parents have a ton of stuff that I don’t want. I love them and would like a few mementos but the only things I can think of that id really want are small/don’t have much monetary value (a Christmas ornament, some fridge magnets, photos). I think a lot of older people do a lot of hand wringing about who gets their things when in actuality a lot of younger people are like me and don’t want the things.

Do your kids even want your stuff? My parents brought up how they’ll divide their things between me and my siblings and I was thinking “we don’t want this stuff!” I would just sell or give away or throw away practically anything my parents left for me and I’m pretty sure my siblings will too. I’m talking paintings/artwork, books (they have a huge book collection including some valuable ones), furniture and household items. If I can sell for a profit, I will. Otherwise I’ll donate or throw out. My parents and I do not have remotely the same taste in art and our sense of style is very different. I am very sentimental and will save photos, anything they’ve written like personal notes/letters but I don’t have an attachment to or want their “stuff.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

That is messed up.

She gave her ring to her grandson to propose with? What's messed up about that? It's still in the family, no?

For now

That grandma has multiple grandchildren, but only 1 engagement ring, so she had to pick one. What is the issue there?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if one person wants a particular item, it should be given to them if possible. I don't think it's fair or a good idea to divide things based on gender. It really shouldn't matter. My sister wants a ring of my dad's for sentimental reasons. She's never going to wear it. My dad has a dream of passing it on to the oldest grandson, which is my son. My son has no interest, and has already decided that if he does receive it someday, he wants to give it to my sister if she still wants it, because he knows he's only getting it because of gender.

x100000

My daughter wanted (specifically) a wedding or engagement ring of MIL's - but she gave it to favorite daughter's son's fiance (if you can even follow that) - ie: someone who will be marrying in - just out of spite. Guess what MIL's legacy as a "grandmother" to her actual grandchildren will be?!

That is messed up.

She gave her ring to her grandson to propose with? What's messed up about that? It's still in the family, no?

For now