Anonymous wrote:So I would take off my elite DCUM hat and say, you can have a family of 4 but you'll want to marry very, very young. You'll want to live in a town that isn't as expensive as here. If you pursue higher ed, realize that your partner will take on the vast majority of raising a family. Realize that many young marriages don't last past kid 2.

Then also realize that a family of 4 might mean you actually had and lost 3 of 7 children you conceived. You might have a child with special medical issues that never leaves your home. You might have healthy children that never truly launch. You may have children that are drug addicts. You may have to take custody of one of your grandchildren. You may have all of this and your partner died 10 years prior like my Aunt.

The more kids you have the more real the possibilities that you have a lifelong commitment to thise kids. Unless you take the traditional Irish approach and tell them to F off when they turn 18. Not your problem.

I must do this at times.

Live near me. Cant wait to grandparent them all!

It's odd and immature to "know" how many children one wants without knowing what kind of life they have successfully created for themselves. That they want children, yes, that's normal. That they want to marry a spouse who wants children, yes, that's normal.

So I would take off my elite DCUM hat and say, you can have a family of 4 but you'll want to marry very, very young. You'll want to live in a town that isn't as expensive as here. If you pursue higher ed, realize that your partner will take on the vast majority of raising a family. Realize that many young marriages don't last past kid 2.

Then also realize that a family of 4 might mean you actually had and lost 3 of 7 children you conceived. You might have a child with special medical issues that never leaves your home. You might have healthy children that never truly launch. You may have children that are drug addicts. You may have to take custody of one of your grandchildren. You may have all of this and your partner died 10 years prior like my Aunt.

The more kids you have the more real the possibilities that you have a lifelong commitment to thise kids. Unless you take the traditional Irish approach and tell them to F off when they turn 18. Not your problem.

I am one of four kids, DH is one of four kids, and we have 4 kids. A large family is a joy, and it’s a value that drew us together.

All that being said, we initially thought we would have 2-3, and then when we had the third, we thought having a fourth would be great. We were also financially in a better position by the time DC3 was born compared to DC1.

I have plenty of friends who thought they would have 2 or 3 and then ended up having one 1 or 3 kids because they realized they would be happier with a smaller family.

So agree plans will change as they experience parenthood.

Anonymous wrote:More power to them and I think it's great. I have an extended family and think those relationships are a real gift. I do believe those of us with 4+ kids raise our kids with a bit of a different value set and order of priorities. Large families develop a certain emotional intelligences in kids that are fading fast in our individual-focused society. It's a view that's tiresome to defend to others who don't share it so I'll just leave it at IYKYK.

Agreed.

Marry a rich person and live close to grandparents.

More power to them and I think it's great. I have an extended family and think those relationships are a real gift. I do believe those of us with 4+ kids raise our kids with a bit of a different value set and order of priorities. Large families develop a certain emotional intelligences in kids that are fading fast in our individual-focused society. It's a view that's tiresome to defend to others who don't share it so I'll just leave it at IYKYK.

I am a single 40 years old male with four kids, ages six, five and twin two years old. I chose not to get married but I love kids so I decided to have four kids through surrogate. I have two full-time people helping me with them. I have more than enough money to raise four kids. Having four kids is the best thing in my life. YMMV.

Do you have a large family yourself OP? If not, I would just smile and nod and not offer advice. I'm not sure why you would give advice. DCUM hates large families so you certainly aren't going to get it here.
They will start figuring things out once they have a kid or two. FWIW, I always joked I wanted Cheaper by the Dozen. I stopped at 7. I'm sure my parents never thought I'd have that many. They don't really offer much support and get to enjoy having so many grandkids!

Anonymous wrote:Do they care about the future of the planet?

Lots of children will mean a lot of future resources depleted, and then their kids and their kids...multiplier effect is real.

Hi Klaus!

Anonymous wrote:Imho its unfair to children unless there is inherited wealth and parents can have flexible part time jobs to raise kids.

Even if you just have two kids, if you both have high-powered careers, how much individual attention are the kids really getting?

Kids takes a much different toll on the mom vs the dad.

Become very wealthy, have a large house, have grandparents and other relatives nearby, outsource chores, have nannies, have college funds for all of them.

Do genetic testing and health screening before choosing a partner

Maintain very good care of health to ensure that you live long

Do in-utero screening for genetic disorders

Lots of insurance to take care of them in case you die.

Imho its unfair to children unless there is inherited wealth and parents can have flexible part time jobs to raise kids.