Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another hard part is my husband doesn't see what the big deal is since he played unlimited video games as a kid and now as an adult doesn't play at all (one of my criteria when dating was no gamers!)

I think Gen X and Millennial moms freak out about video games much more than dads do, because you didn't play video games growing up. All my male friends played video games when we were younger, going back to the Atari 2600 for many of us. It was a normal pastime for us, and we generally turned out just fine. So, when I see my kids playing Fortnight with their friends, it doesn't really bother me.

Gen X (Atari 2600 and Nintendo) mom here. I see some pitfalls in this generation's video game scene that simply didn't exist in our day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you manage this stuff?

Have something planned after 1 hour of Saturday video games so you can drag him away to whatever it is.

I allow one hour and then have something planned and my kid complains the whole time "This isn't fun". I'm at my wit's end.
I kept it away from him for as long as possible but the other boys are all obsessed and he wants so much to be part of the crowd.
It was much easier in summer since he loves being outside when it's warm but he doesn't enjoy winter stuff, museums, etc. at all.

Boys can play outside in the winter. Get him out there and try to coordinate with his friends.
Do the other boys play together and he is playing with them? Or is he just playing so he can keep up with the chatter at school.
There's always more than one crowd of boys.

Just want to offer an example of how video games, even non educational ones, can be healthy and a net positive to a child's life-

My daughter and her similar aged cousin play Animal Crossing on their Switches together maybe 2-3 hours a week. They're on the phone chatting the whole time and it is so fun for them. They live states away from each other and did not have much a of a relationship before they started doing this in the summer of 2020. They visit each other's islands, swap outfits and dress up their characters, design changes to their island layouts, etc. They end up talking mostly about non video game things while they're doing this since it's a slower pace game and not something like a shooter game where you're stressfully coordinating with others while you play. I mean it when I say that I don't think they'd be anywhere near as good of friend as they are without this game.

It has a lot to do with the games they're playing, the personality of the kid, the actual value of the social interaction happening, etc., but it can bring so much good.

Anonymous wrote:Another hard part is my husband doesn't see what the big deal is since he played unlimited video games as a kid and now as an adult doesn't play at all (one of my criteria when dating was no gamers!)

I think Gen X and Millennial moms freak out about video games much more than dads do, because you didn't play video games growing up. All my male friends played video games when we were younger, going back to the Atari 2600 for many of us. It was a normal pastime for us, and we generally turned out just fine. So, when I see my kids playing Fortnight with their friends, it doesn't really bother me.

We have video games in our house and sometimes DH and I play with our kids (like Mario Kart). I really like Minecraft. It’s creative and they can build their own worlds.

We don’t really set limits and I’m sure you’d think my family is one of the ones “dumping” our kids in front of a screen. But I’ve found this works better for our family than setting strict rules. When the rules are strict my kids get fixated on them. If they’re told they can have X hours of video game time and something else comes up, they won’t want to miss out on their allotted time. Whereas if it’s something they can do in addition to whatever options there are, it loses its power over them.

So if I tell my kids let’s go ride bikes, go to the park, have a friend over to play, etc. and they know they can play video games whenever they want some other time, I don’t have to negotiate it. I have friends who set these intricate rules about earning or losing screen time and it just sounds so exhausting.

That said, my kids understand we do not have the strict rules some of their friends have specifically because I trust them to be able to manage it. If they were to fight me about school work, chores, etc. because they want to play video games instead, that wouldn’t fly. Also they are active in a number of sports and swimming. Video games are just one other activity in the rotation.

Some days (like a rainy Sat. or sick day) they may play for hours. Some days (like a busy sports tournament) they may not play at all. I figure they will be adults living on their own some day and I need to help them self regulate their activities rather than be some enforcer of arbitrary rules.

But I do know there are kids out there that could not self regulate, so everyone should do what works for them. I don’t like OP’s attitude though that parents are basically crappy for letting their kids play video games longer than she deems appropriate.

My philosophy is everything in moderation. Junk food, TV, social media, video games, etc. I think being able to monitor oneself is a life skill, so we started out modeling that with our kid. He knows there are limits and often tries to push them (naturally, he's a kid) but he also understands where we're coming from when we say it's time to stop. 

I do understand that some kids/adults have more addictive personalities. My BIL is somewhat like this, and his kid has in the past snuck screen time in, looked for hidden devices, etc. But that's a completely separate issue than "avoiding video game culture." 

And I agree with PP, in the current world of 5th grade boys, a lot of talk is about video games. And it doesn't have to be all the games...our kid doesn't play Roblox or Fortnite but he has plenty to talk about with his friends. Many times in our house, our son facetimes with a friend or cousin while playing, so it's social too, and it provides a way for him to talk through solving problems. Yes, spending eight hours straight on games isn't healthy, but video games aren't all evil either. There is a middle ground, like with a lot of stuff in life.

Anonymous wrote:I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

100% this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

They can be a perfectly healthy and normal way to socialize, but they can also be very, very difficult for some kids to step away from and re-engage with real life, just like phones. Too much time spent playing video games can absolutely affect their mood and attention span in pronounced ways. Some kids will have no issues, and some will, just like all other potentially addictive things.

That is a specific problem for some kids, so if that is your kid, then you parent accordingly. It does not merit advocating to all parents that their kids should not play either or judging them for allowing it. Monkey bars are particularly dangerous for my kid due to a joint disability, but I don't demand that they are removed from the playground; I watch my kid closely around monkey bars.

If your kid is still monkey bar-aged, then get back to me in a few years.

And, yes, of course we all have to parent accordingly. In regards to “video game culture,” though, it becomes increasingly difficult as your kid gets older and non-stop gaming has been normalized for kids since very young ages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say lighten up about “video game culture.” It used to be that the moral panic was about novels, then comic books, then movies, then TV. Now it’s video games. Video games can be a perfectly healthy and normal way for kids to socialize and have fun. Just be reasonable about it, like anything else.

They can be a perfectly healthy and normal way to socialize, but they can also be very, very difficult for some kids to step away from and re-engage with real life, just like phones. Too much time spent playing video games can absolutely affect their mood and attention span in pronounced ways. Some kids will have no issues, and some will, just like all other potentially addictive things.

That is a specific problem for some kids, so if that is your kid, then you parent accordingly. It does not merit advocating to all parents that their kids should not play either or judging them for allowing it. Monkey bars are particularly dangerous for my kid due to a joint disability, but I don't demand that they are removed from the playground; I watch my kid closely around monkey bars.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine to do this when they are this ages but once they get into middle school video games are an important social connection for boys.

This is essentially the same argument I hear a lot for social media and girls and I think that this is the absolute worst time in their lives to just release them to their digital spaces. So much can go wrong here.

I agree that social media is bad for kids. Girls should be playing video games instead.

The girls I know who spend too much time playing video games are just as messed up as the ones who spend too much time on social media.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is fine to do this when they are this ages but once they get into middle school video games are an important social connection for boys.

This is essentially the same argument I hear a lot for social media and girls and I think that this is the absolute worst time in their lives to just release them to their digital spaces. So much can go wrong here.

I agree that social media is bad for kids. Girls should be playing video games instead.