Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He was asked to interview for a position in his company that, according to him, is a 6 month trial with no pay raise, but it puts him in front of people like the CEO, and gives him management experience. It is VERY demanding, will have zero flexibility on scheduling, and will require travel. In his words, it could either make or break his career - if he does well, it could lead to a permanent position with a very significant pay raise, or if he does poorly, he will basically be stuck in his current role permanently.

I was blunt and told him that his time management sucks, he is lazy

There is a very obvious contradiction here. He would not even be considered for such a position if his time management sucks and he is lazy.

This just sounds like the standard DW whine that DH is not doing everything she wants exactly as she wants it done and (stamps foot) this means he is a good-for-nothing man-baby. Whatever. Go ahead and blow up your family because there are some dirty dishes on the counter.

As a self-aware slob ... yes, actually it is possible he's lazy. I'm very lazy around the house and my DH and I had to come up with some bare-minimum standards we always maintain. Otherwise I would leave clothes to rot on the floor for months and leave dishes to pile up. I am excellent with time management at work. Not a contradiction.

I am a woman, FWIW.

OP is a nag and needs to be more domestic

How old are your kids? When did this behavior start?

Anonymous wrote:The details of my answer depend on if OP works or not. Op, do you work full time in a paid job?

More immediate answers: DH is a jerk with anger issues, the job sounds BS, and I would not stay in a marriage where the dynamic is as described (even ignoring who is at fault, it’s just a toxic result that’s not going to change).

Yes, I work full time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like he has untreated ADHD. Could you all quickly look into that? If he can treat it, then life could change significantly. And if he gets a big pay raise, won't you be able to outsource a lot?

OP. I’ve mentioned ADHD several times, he won’t get evaluated. Instead he’s asked me to give him to-do checklists. Which I did, and he promptly ignored them.

The pay raise isn’t a guarantee. I think the more likely outcome is he’ll be thanked for his 6 months and sent back to his old position. I know his current boss has expressed frustration that he doesn’t get work done, and honesty I’m shocked he was asked to interview for this (unless it’s possibly a way to get him off his current team?).

So what, someone's on leave, a work project, or they need time to hire, they need a warm body in the position and your husband is dumb enough to fall for it?

And of course if he doesn't get work done in his current position, he thinks he can manage?

Your husband is an idiot.

LOL. Yea, he actually said he thinks THIS job is the one thing that will make him get it together.

Just like in December, New Year’s was going to be the thing that made him turn over a new leaf, he was gonna start off the year being 100% on top of things. Didn’t happen. I know it’s not gonna happen with this, either.

Yet I’m an a-hole for pointing out that if he can’t handle family life with his current job, there’s zero chance he can handle it when he was twice as much work.

The details of my answer depend on if OP works or not. Op, do you work full time in a paid job?

More immediate answers: DH is a jerk with anger issues, the job sounds BS, and I would not stay in a marriage where the dynamic is as described (even ignoring who is at fault, it’s just a toxic result that’s not going to change).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like he has untreated ADHD. Could you all quickly look into that? If he can treat it, then life could change significantly. And if he gets a big pay raise, won't you be able to outsource a lot?

OP. I’ve mentioned ADHD several times, he won’t get evaluated. Instead he’s asked me to give him to-do checklists. Which I did, and he promptly ignored them.

The pay raise isn’t a guarantee. I think the more likely outcome is he’ll be thanked for his 6 months and sent back to his old position. I know his current boss has expressed frustration that he doesn’t get work done, and honesty I’m shocked he was asked to interview for this (unless it’s possibly a way to get him off his current team?).

So what, someone's on leave, a work project, or they need time to hire, they need a warm body in the position and your husband is dumb enough to fall for it?

And of course if he doesn't get work done in his current position, he thinks he can manage?

Your husband is an idiot.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, it sounds like he has untreated ADHD. Could you all quickly look into that? If he can treat it, then life could change significantly. And if he gets a big pay raise, won't you be able to outsource a lot?

OP. I’ve mentioned ADHD several times, he won’t get evaluated. Instead he’s asked me to give him to-do checklists. Which I did, and he promptly ignored them.

The pay raise isn’t a guarantee. I think the more likely outcome is he’ll be thanked for his 6 months and sent back to his old position. I know his current boss has expressed frustration that he doesn’t get work done, and honesty I’m shocked he was asked to interview for this (unless it’s possibly a way to get him off his current team?).

I don’t have any advice for OP, but wanted to mention that the promotion position may actually be a thing

My company has a nine month rotational executive development program that leads to a management position for people not originally on that track.
It’s very prestigious and you have to be nominated and interview for it.

It’s a lot of extra work, since they move to a new organization and have to learn those processes and attend additional
“Management training” with a big group project (think MBA-type classes). At the end, they present their learnings to a management team, it usually ends with a middle management position with a pay raise.

Anonymous wrote:Would he consider being evaluated for adhd? Depression? Seems like something might be getting in the way of his ability to complete tasks.

OP. He is medicated for depression and sees a therapist. I don’t know if he has ADHD. But honestly most of it, to me, is that he just doesn’t care. He sleeps a lot and watches sports a lot. He’s just…lazy.

When anyone puts their career before their marriage, problems ensue.

Honestly, it sounds like he has untreated ADHD. Could you all quickly look into that? If he can treat it, then life could change significantly. And if he gets a big pay raise, won't you be able to outsource a lot?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He was asked to interview for a position in his company that, according to him, is a 6 month trial with no pay raise, but it puts him in front of people like the CEO, and gives him management experience. It is VERY demanding, will have zero flexibility on scheduling, and will require travel. In his words, it could either make or break his career - if he does well, it could lead to a permanent position with a very significant pay raise, or if he does poorly, he will basically be stuck in his current role permanently.

I was blunt and told him that his time management sucks, he is lazy

There is a very obvious contradiction here. He would not even be considered for such a position if his time management sucks and he is lazy.

This just sounds like the standard DW whine that DH is not doing everything she wants exactly as she wants it done and (stamps foot) this means he is a good-for-nothing man-baby. Whatever. Go ahead and blow up your family because there are some dirty dishes on the counter.

It's not just about dishes. It's about treating his wife like the chores are her job and he's "helping". He's saying his (what sounds like crappy) job and glory is more important than taking care of his family.

And then he explodes and screams and rips things when asked to help out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He was asked to interview for a position in his company that, according to him, is a 6 month trial with no pay raise, but it puts him in front of people like the CEO, and gives him management experience. It is VERY demanding, will have zero flexibility on scheduling, and will require travel. In his words, it could either make or break his career - if he does well, it could lead to a permanent position with a very significant pay raise, or if he does poorly, he will basically be stuck in his current role permanently.

I was blunt and told him that his time management sucks, he is lazy

There is a very obvious contradiction here. He would not even be considered for such a position if his time management sucks and he is lazy.

This just sounds like the standard DW whine that DH is not doing everything she wants exactly as she wants it done and (stamps foot) this means he is a good-for-nothing man-baby. Whatever. Go ahead and blow up your family because there are some dirty dishes on the counter.

Oh stop. We literally have zero toilet paper and have had to shower after pooping and I am using my kids’ toothpaste because H didn’t follow through on restocking when he volunteered for the task. Most days he either sleeps in until 10am, or locks himself in the bedroom in the evening to nap until 9pm. This is WAY beyond a few dishes left on the counter.

Anonymous wrote:Would he consider being evaluated for adhd? Depression? Seems like something might be getting in the way of his ability to complete tasks.

I totally agree with this and the suggestion to hire help. I am sorry OP. This sounds truly unbearable and the lack of effort on his part would infuriate me. You are not the jerk here.