Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 22:53     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
That’s so kind of you to show support. Not overstepping at all. I think it’s worse when in laws stay silent when you know they know you’re having a hard time. That happened to me and I’ll never forget it.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 18:38     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH told me that his sister is apparently dealing with some behavioral and psychiatric issues regarding her older son. I sent her a text simply saying, So sorry you're having a rough time, thinking of you.
She didn't respond and now I'm worried that I overstepped. Was this bad?


You overstepped. If she wanted you to know, she would have told you.

I understand spouses telling each other things, but that doesn’t mean you act on it.

I hope she doesn’t hold this against your DH.

Get a grip
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 18:37     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:So sorry sounds a bit more like sympathy / condolences than an empathetic response to hearing their child is unwell.

I would have said something like...I heard Son's name isn't well. Can we send you / drop off a few meals this weekend? Maybe Friday about 5:00 if that works for you? Thinking of meals is always something I find hard when I have a lot on my plate. If that would be helpful, let us know - or anything else we can do as well.

I don't think your text was overstepping but you didn't offer anything or ask a question so it puts it on her to think of what she needs to say back and she needs to put her energies elsewhere. Saying a thank you and being appreciative that you feel sorry for her feels weird.

Way to overthink this. Reaching out showing empathy and support. That’s what she offered. She’s not unable to cook, she is dealing with a kid with mental health issues. Geez.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 17:31     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
So don't do it again. What you did in the past is irrelevant now
Now going forward, do not bring it up to anyone except your DH. No one.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 16:29     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:You overstepped. Families gossip, but hello, you pretend you never heard a thing.


This isn't gossip. Wrong definition.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 16:13     Subject: Re:Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
As someone with a kid with serious mental health issues, I would very much appreciate a text like this from a family member. There really isn't a whole lot you can do in terms of 'help' in cases like this, so words of support really are helpful. Also, having kids with mental health issues is incredibly isolating. I've had people who didn't reach out but knew about our situation because they didn't know what to say (really, it just made them uncomfortable). That's what really feels bad.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 15:57     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:You overstepped. Families gossip, but hello, you pretend you never heard a thing.


It isn't gossip. It's her SIL.

OP, you did the right thing. She's probably overwhelmed. Just keep being supportive but not intrusive. It's never wrong to tell family you care.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 14:41     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
You overstepped. Families gossip, but hello, you pretend you never heard a thing.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 14:37     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:She might not know exactly what you’re getting at? If you’re not otherwise close, she might think you’re fishing.

In general, it sounds nice and thoughtful, but having accidentally bumped a hornet’s nest with my SIL, I now know my intentions don’t mean squat compared with how actions/words are interpreted.


This is an incredibly sad way to treat people who are just trying to be nice. My SIL does this so I just dropped the rope and stopped even trying.


Oh please, it is all dependent on the relationship. There are people who love to discuss the tragedies of people they don't like even their inlaws and families. Don't be naive.


Oh please yourself. You are being a jerk and jumping on my ass and I am tired of this BS on this board. That's not the case here. Op sent a simple text to let SIL she was thinking of her. God forbid. This board is always quick to jump on anyone for being too needy to want a better relationship with their in-laws, for expecting to be considered family (the nerve) or overstepping or relishing in SILs misery by attempting to communicate concern to a SIL who might need a pick me up during a tough time. Sorry OP this is what you will get from this board even with nice intentions. Don't seek actual advice here. They just love to tear people down instead.


Overreact much?
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 12:12     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
^case not ok
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 12:12     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
The only way this would have been inappropriate is if she specifically asked your husband to keep the information to himself and then he told you. Sounds like that wasn’t the ok, and you didn’t overstep. I agree with a PP who suggested her lack of response is likely just an indication that she is overwhelmed in her personal life and not anything personal.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 11:42     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH told me that his sister is apparently dealing with some behavioral and psychiatric issues regarding her older son. I sent her a text simply saying, So sorry you're having a rough time, thinking of you.
She didn't respond and now I'm worried that I overstepped. Was this bad?


You overstepped. If she wanted you to know, she would have told you.

I understand spouses telling each other things, but that doesn’t mean you act on it.

I hope she doesn’t hold this against your DH.


+1. It comes off as smug. You didn’t offer any help just Schadenfreude.


Wow: I feel like it must be very hard to read negativity into innocent actions and truly no way to live.
Anonymous
Post 01/09/2023 10:14     Subject: Was it wrong to reach out to SIL?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DH told me that his sister is apparently dealing with some behavioral and psychiatric issues regarding her older son. I sent her a text simply saying, So sorry you're having a rough time, thinking of you.
She didn't respond and now I'm worried that I overstepped. Was this bad?


You overstepped. If she wanted you to know, she would have told you.

I understand spouses telling each other things, but that doesn’t mean you act on it.

I hope she doesn’t hold this against your DH.


This isn’t my take at all.