Anonymous wrote:Why can't your spouse be with your kid while you take the martial arts class? Why can't your kid sit in the lobby and read or do homework while they wait for you? I mean, he's in third grade - that's plenty old enough.

This

Anonymous wrote:Your DH needs to help more.

Your DH needs to help more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hire an after school babysiter to take your child to activities. With early elementary age kids in many activities and classes that is a must for me. She drives them and cares for them 4 days a week. Otherwise I would be driving up and down all the time.

Those are a rare find

+1. Most people want a set schedule if not full time work.

Anonymous wrote:I dont really do activities. I mean I have interests. I read, play strategy games, run, bike, cook, dabble in online classes, but none of those are structured activities that have to happen at a set time. Because its too hard to find that time and rely on it regularly when you have kids. That's the truth. So find some interests that don't require huge time commitments.

It's really not. I only have two kids, so maybe I'm missing something, but for people who work, we somehow manage to commit to finding the time to do that and rely on it regularly so why should other activities be any different?

I have a horse and I take lessons on him twice a week and hack him one to two times a week. I also travel to horse shows throughout the year. (I was in NC for a week in December, I am going to FL for a week in February and for two weeks in March). I work a full-time job and have third-grade twins. I ride after work during the week and on those evenings my husband is with the kids. On the weekends the time is usually whenever is convenient for our schedule.

I also exercise regularly, and I do this generally before the kids get up in the morning during the week, although sometimes if my day doesn't start until a little later I'll do it after they get on the bus.

I work from home, which allows me to have breakfast with the family in the morning and I don't leave until the kids have gotten off the bus after school, so while I miss dinner on those evenings and sometimes get home after they have gone to bed, we still have lots of together time. We also don't work weekends so those are pretty much all family time. My husband also works from home so we have lunch together most days, so we also spend time together.

In my mind, having a spouse who contributes 50% to the household is key, as is having a schedule in place before the week starts so you can plan for everything you want to accomplish. My husband and I swap who gets the kids ready for school, who handles the dogs, who takes the kids to the bus, who picks the kids up from the bus, who helps with homework, etc. We have a schedule that obviously changes if one of us has work travel or has to be in the office or whatever but that allows us to plan ahead because I know, for example, that I am not getting the kids ready tomorrow morning so I can plan my workout accordingly - if I have early calls I'll work out and be in the kitchen by breakfast, if I don't have early calls I may sleep in later and work out after breakfast.

For what it's worth, I didn't start riding again until my kids were older - I paused doing it when they were babies because there was no way to work it out with my job at the time, where we lived, and their schedules. OP, it sounds like you could make this work with your kid, but your husband needs to step it up. That's fine if he wants to be a homebody, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have to take the kid to sports, etc. He needs to suck it up and help you out. Pick the class you want to do and talk to him about how to make it work. You only have one kid and he's only 8 (I'm assuming), so don't wait another 8 years to do something for yourself!

Just wait until they are old enough and dispose of your child through boarding school.

Raising children can be outsourced.

You’ll have much more time then.

Anonymous wrote:Hire an after school babysiter to take your child to activities. With early elementary age kids in many activities and classes that is a must for me. She drives them and cares for them 4 days a week. Otherwise I would be driving up and down all the time.

Those are a rare find

Hire an after school babysiter to take your child to activities. With early elementary age kids in many activities and classes that is a must for me. She drives them and cares for them 4 days a week. Otherwise I would be driving up and down all the time.

You've gotten plenty of advice on how to make activities work, OP.
But are you maybe romanticizing the martial arts class and other similar "classes" a bit? Just make to time to exercise, read, and cultivate friendships/socialize.

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Anonymous wrote:lol. and you only have one.

Enough with the parent of only-child shaming, or whatever this is. I have one, and I'm crazy busy all the time. I take time out of my work day to try and squeeze my workout in. But as someone wiht a very busy DH who is the primary caretaker, having one child is extremely busy, too.

NP. I don’t see it as shaming. All else equal, two kids are more work than one. With two you would be crazy, crazy busy!

I am a parent of one and definitely think I have more time than parents of 2+ kids. In fact, I have a singleton by choice, and having more time to myself is largely the reason! That said, obnoxious remarks like "and you only have one" are a bizarre and pathetic shaming attempt to make women feel like their families aren't "real" families or they don't have real time burdens. It's ridiculous and untrue - I cannot just leave my seven year old at home while I pursue my own interests.

I have more free time than a parent of multiple young kids but I am still a parent. Deal with it. If you are jealous of my free time, you should have had fewer kids.

OP’s kid is in stay home alone territory or close to it. S/he should definitely be able to stay home while dad is on the way home. A third grader can get off the bus alone, walk home from school alone, etc.

Of course a family of 3 is a real family. However, with 2 parents, there should be no excuse about parent not having time for oneself.

I have a friend with an only. Both parents are involved. Both parents have hobbies and friends. They host often. They are just fun people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:lol. and you only have one.

Enough with the parent of only-child shaming, or whatever this is. I have one, and I'm crazy busy all the time. I take time out of my work day to try and squeeze my workout in. But as someone wiht a very busy DH who is the primary caretaker, having one child is extremely busy, too.

NP. I don’t see it as shaming. All else equal, two kids are more work than one. With two you would be crazy, crazy busy!

I am a parent of one and definitely think I have more time than parents of 2+ kids. In fact, I have a singleton by choice, and having more time to myself is largely the reason! That said, obnoxious remarks like "and you only have one" are a bizarre and pathetic shaming attempt to make women feel like their families aren't "real" families or they don't have real time burdens. It's ridiculous and untrue - I cannot just leave my seven year old at home while I pursue my own interests.

I have more free time than a parent of multiple young kids but I am still a parent. Deal with it. If you are jealous of my free time, you should have had fewer kids.

You do need a supportive partner, allowing each other time to do things for yourselves. I sing in a choir and have done it since my youngest was about 2 years old (now a HS senior). It was one evening a week when DH had to handle bedtime. Not a big deal.

Schedule the martial arts class back to back. Your child can read or do homework during your class. Or sign up for classes at the same time at a studio or rec center. Before COVID, I took classes at SkyZone - I bought memberships for me and my kids, and they jumped while I did my class.

It’s not going to be ready made, but you can figure something out.

Anonymous wrote:Do you have your own interests and how do you carve out the time outside of your kids? I have a kid in 3rd grade and I find myself taking my child to various sports and classes and it does not leave any convenient time for my own. I would like to try a martial arts class for instance but the adults class is at a separate time after kids class so where would my kid be when I am doing it? Similar issue for other things and it looks like most are setup for single people without kids. Weekends are a no go as well as my kid does a sport and I have to work some days or busy with another activity. It was easier when DC was in daycare/preschool and not in classes but looks like things are only ramping up. When does it get easier? Maybe when they can drive? My DH is supportive of us pursuing our interests but works long hours and is a homebody in general so not much help with after school activities.

What is your kid like OP? Could he quietly read a book or do some homework in the back of the room while you enjoy a class? I was a quiet child and that is what I did when a parent brought me with them to one of their activities. I could see though that with some children it might not work.