Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God forbid people would find friends among the other parents and--gosh--be happy to see them regularly.

There's a difference between having a friend and talking to them and the behavior OP and others are talking about. I have many friends. But at my kid's school, I don't just talk to the people I'm friends with while refusing to make eye contact with or interact with other people. I don't greet my friends really loudly and form a little knot of friends amid a larger group of parents, because that feels exclusive and annoying. I don't discuss plans I've made with my friends directly in front of other parents without acknowledging them, because I consider this bad manners (especially if kids are present).

It's crazy to me that there are adults doing these things without awareness of how clique-y and rude it is. When kids do it, it's like "well they don't know better yet, they need to learn." When I see people in their 30s and 40s doing it, I'm just like "oh, they like it, this is intentional." I agree with PPs who think some of it is people reliving their school glory days or even people who had a tough time socially in school acting out a kind of psychic revenge by engaging in these kinds of clique-y behaviors now.

I had a mom literally talk through me two weeks ago at a performance. She was sitting in the row ahead of me and wanted to talk to her mom friend behind me. About stupid, trivial stuff like make up, "remember that one time," and to talk about what cool activities they did over the weekend. I was invisible, just a clear wall for them to yell through for 15 minutes straight. Our kids have been in the same class for 2 years now.

Anonymous wrote:God forbid people would find friends among the other parents and--gosh--be happy to see them regularly.

There's a difference between having a friend and talking to them and the behavior OP and others are talking about. I have many friends. But at my kid's school, I don't just talk to the people I'm friends with while refusing to make eye contact with or interact with other people. I don't greet my friends really loudly and form a little knot of friends amid a larger group of parents, because that feels exclusive and annoying. I don't discuss plans I've made with my friends directly in front of other parents without acknowledging them, because I consider this bad manners (especially if kids are present).

It's crazy to me that there are adults doing these things without awareness of how clique-y and rude it is. When kids do it, it's like "well they don't know better yet, they need to learn." When I see people in their 30s and 40s doing it, I'm just like "oh, they like it, this is intentional." I agree with PPs who think some of it is people reliving their school glory days or even people who had a tough time socially in school acting out a kind of psychic revenge by engaging in these kinds of clique-y behaviors now.

Haha, I'm laughing because it is sort of insane but also I've totally felt this way. I especially hate pickup because there's more standing around and awkward small talk. There is a group of moms at our school who are all super friendly with each other but they completely ignore me and I know it shouldn't bother me, and usually it doesn't, but I think there is something specific about being in a school environment and being ignored/excluded by a group of peers that is triggering.

But actually I've gotten better with it in the last few months. I think just reminding myself I have my own friends, and my social life doesn't revolve around my kids or their school by design, helps. There are also a handful of other parents who are in the same boat as me and feel kind of awkward around these other moms, just because they are always very loud and effusive at school things. I'll look for these parents and make small talk with them to kill time if I feel like I need to.

Otherwise I look at my phone or bring a book.

I don't know why this is a thing and I'd love to say "oh who cares" but I immediately related to your post, OP. Sadly!

We were new in the middle of the year last year, and I can relate 100x. The more effort you put in, the more people you will meet (If this is a priority for you).