Anonymous wrote:... that parents could be just so vicious. It's crazy here at DCUM. I do wonder if it was like this in real life- where I don't discuss any specific college stuff- like my kid's stats, or where they applied with other parents.

They’re very supportive in real life. I read this forum and think most deal in tough love. The really vicious ones are people like the PP who hates when parents talk about college admissions, or some others on this forum who pooh-pooh all the prep/ tutoring involved. That’s usually what it takes, these days, unless you have an exceptional kid. Even if these posters are fine with any college, they shouldn’t excoriate those of us who want selective colleges for our kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do ED and ED2. effectively

Note that even this is changing.....most kids we know at strong schools were only accepted ED1 to a top 25 if they had a hook. Even super strong top of the class students applying ED to a 20-25 range school. And even the HYPS legacies had a double hook.

I think schools (even some in top 40 range) are pushing back on the grab the full pay ED1s. I don't have a problem with this but it's a shift that's being felt by really strong students who thought they were using ED1 effectively. (Hopefully some of those deferrals come back as acceptances, because the school does still know the student used ED there).

This is not a change in the utility of ED - it is a change in the competitiveness of the top schools. They are now a lottery. Only unicorns get in via ED at the T25. It's a waste to use ED on a Powerball number. Spend it somewhere that it counts.

But this is true if you happen to have a unicorn child - then, yes, go REA or sCEA for Princeton but expect it won't work out. That's what DC did and she got soft rejections from Princeton and 3 Ivies. But she wanted to try. She got in a lot of publics via EA (allowed under REA) and found her dream school that way. However, she did NOT get in her to her RD picks nor did her friends. So the advice I have for OP is to realize that RD works only for some folks so think out REA, sCEA, ED, EA well. Don't count on Rd for anything

My kid is a sophomore, and this string of acronyms alone is giving me anxiety! I have no idea what any of them actually mean.

This board really needs a pinned post for all these acronyms and shorthand terms.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from the parents that are gunning and scheming and talking about admissions from day one. They will stress you out and will stress out your own kids. I promise you that at the end of the day the biggest flex they will have in their lives is telling the world all of the big name schools they applied to and ultimately will be rejected from. It's the dumbest cycle.....enjoy HS, give your kid room to explore and breathe and have friends, and believe that your kid will be happy and successful in life wherever they end up and they will be!

Why do you hate these parents? They're stressed and want the best for their kids (and yours). If you don't want to listen, walk away. Stop with the schadenfreude. The reason they're talking about college admissions isn't to brag and put you down. It's because they need to vent, and perhaps ask for advice, or give it. That's the reason *I* talk about college admissions with other parents. If you want to gloat later on that my kid didn't get into his dream school... what kind of monster does that make you? I would certainly never gloat that your kid didn't get where they wanted!

God help your kids.

Yep. You just realized you were being mean for no reason. FYI, every single parent of a senior kvetches about college apps when they get together with other parents of seniors. The one parent who didn’t, turned out to be completely checked out and his wife told me he had ignored the process and her son wouldn’t have sent his apps by the deadline had she not stepped in.

As a general rule, if you’re not at least a little bit concerned, you’re checked out. And that’s really not something to be proud of.

Stay off of DCUM
Don’t change languages

... that parents could be just so vicious. It's crazy here at DCUM. I do wonder if it was like this in real life- where I don't discuss any specific college stuff- like my kid's stats, or where they applied with other parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My number one piece of advice is, if you are even passingly interested in top schools, get a math tutor now. Even/especially if your kid is a "humanities kid".

Your kid's guidance counselor gets asked if your kid took the most challenging classes. If they didn't take calc bc and ap physics c (for most high schools around here) the counselor can't say yes.

Get the tutor now and keep it up through graduation rather than crying about it later.

So your advice is to keep pounding, pounding, pounding until the square peg is worn down enough to fit through the round hole?

Not PP, but yes, pretty much.

NP. I hope no one is actually taking the above posters seriously. Good grief.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay away from the parents that are gunning and scheming and talking about admissions from day one. They will stress you out and will stress out your own kids. I promise you that at the end of the day the biggest flex they will have in their lives is telling the world all of the big name schools they applied to and ultimately will be rejected from. It's the dumbest cycle.....enjoy HS, give your kid room to explore and breathe and have friends, and believe that your kid will be happy and successful in life wherever they end up and they will be!

Why do you hate these parents? They're stressed and want the best for their kids (and yours). If you don't want to listen, walk away. Stop with the schadenfreude. The reason they're talking about college admissions isn't to brag and put you down. It's because they need to vent, and perhaps ask for advice, or give it. That's the reason *I* talk about college admissions with other parents. If you want to gloat later on that my kid didn't get into his dream school... what kind of monster does that make you? I would certainly never gloat that your kid didn't get where they wanted!

God help your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My number one piece of advice is, if you are even passingly interested in top schools, get a math tutor now. Even/especially if your kid is a "humanities kid".

Your kid's guidance counselor gets asked if your kid took the most challenging classes. If they didn't take calc bc and ap physics c (for most high schools around here) the counselor can't say yes.

Get the tutor now and keep it up through graduation rather than crying about it later.

So your advice is to keep pounding, pounding, pounding until the square peg is worn down enough to fit through the round hole?

Not PP, but yes, pretty much.

Anonymous wrote:My number one piece of advice is, if you are even passingly interested in top schools, get a math tutor now. Even/especially if your kid is a "humanities kid".

Your kid's guidance counselor gets asked if your kid took the most challenging classes. If they didn't take calc bc and ap physics c (for most high schools around here) the counselor can't say yes.

Get the tutor now and keep it up through graduation rather than crying about it later.

So your advice is to keep pounding, pounding, pounding until the square peg is worn down enough to fit through the round hole?

That fellow parents are willing to help each other out. Even in this fraught environment. Ask for help. People can really be kind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even earlier than HS, The high cost and don’t expect any financial aids to help with 400k if you are not poor

I don’t know any kids who haven’t been able to get merit aid. There are schools that offer 100% of their student body merit aid. If you choose to pay full tuition at an expensive school that’s your choice.

Read comprehension issues ?!
I know it now that’s why I am posting here I wished I knew this way earlier, no matter how smart and hard working you kids are, you need to shell out 400k for the top schools.

Your original post seems to be saying that you should expect to pay 400K because there is no aid available for kids who are "not poor".

But there are huge amounts of aid going to middle class, UMC, and rich kids. It's easy to get, because there are plenty of schools offering merit aid. If your kid isn't getting it it's because you decided that the name brand on the diploma is worth 200K. Which is fine, if you want to do that, but then don't write that you shouldn't expect any aid.

I specifically mentioned “financial aids” In my original post

Anonymous wrote:And I did know ... money you have budgeted for college matters a lot. If you have the money to send your kid out of state, or private, it's more relaxing for your student, for your whole family. Not stressing re: making into (only) the one or two top universities in your state. The student has choices, many many choices.

Don't remodel that kitchen. Don't buy that second new car. Your family's life will be far more enjoyable putting that money into college choice. That's my humble opinion.

+1

I wish I had known that we would get zero financial aid per FAFSA and zero merit.

That would have helped. This is why I come on here and tell parents that just because they say "we need money to afford college" that it may not work out in their favor.

Financial aid is determined by FAFSA. Most people in DCUM land reading this will get a 100% EFC from FAFSA meaning they are expected to pay 100% of college expenses even if they have severe extenuating circumstances as we did.

Merit aid is all but gone at the top institutions. The less elite schools will offer merit in exchange for top scores.

I did not know this going into the the process.

In no particular order. And I guess most of these things are fine to discover freshman year.

If your kid will be looking at or applying to a lot of schools, start early. We did some visits summer after sophomore year even though he wasn't in a college frame of mind yet and it was a helpful way to start narrowing down what he wanted.

Take the SATs fall semester of Junior year if you can. It leaves the spring free for AP exams and plenty of time to retest if needed. Also, having scores is somewhat helpful for ranking schools in terms of likelies, target, reaches.

Figure out your budget early on and start researching aid. No sense in applying to schools that you just can't afford.

The Ethan Sawyer books are good, even if you hire a counselor.

If you might want a counselor, hire them early (like by sophomore year) so they can help you build a list, etc.

Look at the Common Application, especially examples for the Activities section. I'm a firm believer in kids doing what they love, but if your kid does not have things to put down (i.e., they spend most of their time on electronics in an uninteresting, unorganized way) help them get a few more activities going. Their application will showcase what they do through Junior year summer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That it doesn’t really matter whether you go to an ultra-prestigious and highly rejective college or not. The focus should be on developing study skills and habits to carry on thru college

+1

This is the most important. High school is where kids learn to tackle difficult subjects and learn good study habits. I see many kids struggling in freshman year because they are not adequately prepared to handle college rigor.

+2

The students must develop these skills and must develop them for themselves. Do not snowplow. The kid needs to be able to figure out how to clear a path through the snow.