Op here. Now one girl is getting the others to gang up on her. I’m completely done with this school and the girls there. And the parents. Not restricting to religious schools. Said we were considering field and public too.

Anonymous wrote:Is there something wrong with your local public other than it being public? Your DD will likely have a much better social experience.

This is not necessarily true. We left public due to the social experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do not want Madeira but thanks. It’s too difficult to get to and out of our price range. We are looking for a Dc or Maryland school. We are considering public, yes. However the question was where is there a school for a rising 10th grader where the kids are for the most part nice, inclusive, value friendship, value academics, probably faith based, snd the families are down to earth.

Apply to Burke. Very nice families

Yes, Burke has some very nice families and tends to be an inclusive school. But don't be naive to believe that it is immune to mean girl, cliquey culture. We know from experience that it isn't. Sadly, the reality is I think all schools have it whether public or private. I think if your daughter has at least a good friend or two then it may be worth it to stick it out and encourage her to make some more friendships outside of her school.

Good luck. I know it's hard to know what is the best thing to do. We are struggling with this too.

I think you're unnecessarily restricting yourself to religious schools.

My sibling and I went to the same private lower school, and she happened to be in an unusually cliquey class. We had totally different social experiences despite everything else being the same.

From my limited perspective: I would stay put and focus on cultivating new friendships outside school. Your child has been here a long time, and it sounds like academics/non-social elements are good. There's something to say for knowing how a school works, having teachers and staff who know your kid, etc. If you were having lots of problems at the school (academics, sports, philosophy), I'd be all for switching. But in this case, you'll be rolling the dice on the least predictable thing (social).

Look at sleep-away camps, choruses, orchestras, service organizations, etc. Best of luck!

Anonymous wrote:I am truly sorry your DD has to deal with this. I have two girls, neither at the school you are talking about. One in another private and one in public. Girls can be mean and cliquey. But if your DD has three friends who are “awesome” that is really all she needs. A few close true friends are better than 10 acquaintances. Teach her to focus on her true friends and the nice kids and ignore and tune out the rest. She will be much happier.

Forgot to add — the research on adolescent psychology actually says kids are happier and better off having a small handful of close friends than a large group that is not close.

I am truly sorry your DD has to deal with this. I have two girls, neither at the school you are talking about. One in another private and one in public. Girls can be mean and cliquey. But if your DD has three friends who are “awesome” that is really all she needs. A few close true friends are better than 10 acquaintances. Teach her to focus on her true friends and the nice kids and ignore and tune out the rest. She will be much happier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s at a Catholic school now. Basically none of her friends are Catholic, and it seems as though there aren’t discussions going on at home about how to treat other people. It doesn’t have to be faith based, it just has to be a place where parents raise their kids to be good people and care about people other than themselves. It sounds as though there are other 9th graders in the same boat at the same school. Thank you for your suggestions. We will look into public, SJC, and Field.

The mean pool girls were from "practicing families" that baked cookies for foster care kids...so sometimes there is no correlation....

+100

Anonymous wrote:She’s at a Catholic school now. Basically none of her friends are Catholic, and it seems as though there aren’t discussions going on at home about how to treat other people. It doesn’t have to be faith based, it just has to be a place where parents raise their kids to be good people and care about people other than themselves. It sounds as though there are other 9th graders in the same boat at the same school. Thank you for your suggestions. We will look into public, SJC, and Field.

The mean pool girls were from "practicing families" that baked cookies for foster care kids...so sometimes there is no correlation....

I have 4 daughters who all sound similar to yours. We’ve been in a mix of Catholic and public schools across multiple states and consistently the places where they’ve found close good friends have been in their activities outside of school. I don’t know why but it’s worked out that way with every move. They’re in Catholic schools here for the moment but currently their best friends are from their travel soccer team, gymnastics team, youth ballet, and church youth group, respectively. And the vast majority of those kids go to public schools. I think the 3 younger kids want to switch to public soon but our 9th grader is happy and has made some nice friends in band and theater at a co-ed Catholic high school. It might be the school but the activities both in and out of school that your daughter joins might also have an impact on the types of kids she meets.

Just go public. You are literally paying for your kid to be miserable. At least a public will be large enough for them to find their crowd.

OP this is the world we live in.

Kids are mean they have always been mean.

I am sorry I know this is hard

She’s at a Catholic school now. Basically none of her friends are Catholic, and it seems as though there aren’t discussions going on at home about how to treat other people. It doesn’t have to be faith based, it just has to be a place where parents raise their kids to be good people and care about people other than themselves. It sounds as though there are other 9th graders in the same boat at the same school. Thank you for your suggestions. We will look into public, SJC, and Field.

Anonymous wrote:Is she a rising 10th or 11th grader? I only ask as this sounds very similar to our daughter's experience and she is currently in 10th. We are struggling to find other options. My daughter thinks it would be weird/stressful to start at another private for 11th. We have considered switching to public but that would mean moving to NW. I have even thought about looking into boarding school if spring semester really goes downhill. I really don't have any advise, just commiserating and hoping maybe others have suggestions.

PP, I feel you. DS was having trouble last year, and options were limited for options for 11th graders. If your DD has enough academic of extracurricular achievements, create a resume and send them out to admissions directors. We did this in May, well after the application season was finished, and DS had a variety options (all boys, academically rigorous, coed, boarding). DS ended up attending a boarding school which took in 15 new juniors, 10 boys and 5 girls, whcih made the transition much smoother. Wishing all the best!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do not want Madeira but thanks. It’s too difficult to get to and out of our price range. We are looking for a Dc or Maryland school. We are considering public, yes. However the question was where is there a school for a rising 10th grader where the kids are for the most part nice, inclusive, value friendship, value academics, probably faith based, snd the families are down to earth.

Honestly, this kind of school sounds great in theory but completely divorced from the reality that are high school girls. Even in a faith-based setting, it’s always been a toxic atmosphere, in my experience. I think for a sensitive teen, the most you can hope for is a few good friends. Also, if you haven’t read Untangled: Guiding Girls Through the Transition to Adulthood by Damour, check it out.

There are several schools that aren’t toxic, but it is the exception. And Catholic Schools aren’t necessarily kinder. A big Public is probably the way to go, where everyone minds their own business because it’s so big.