I understand having petty complaints about your parents or your inlaws but this trend on DCUM of whining about how a whole entire generation is just like your parents only reflects your own limited intelligence and knowledge of people. Your anecdotal stories prove nothing about all boomers. If this is the way you talk though I imagine your own kids will be blaming your generation for everything that annoys them some day.

Just talk to her, OP.

"I've noticed you don't mind paying for other people's meals, or bringing dishes to other people's houses, but you don't do that for me. It's a little disappointing, you know."

Your mother probably wants to impress others and get them to like her, but doesn't feel she has to do that with you, so reverts to being her true self.

OP, when you say you're going out for your birthday is this your family and you've invited her along, or did she invite you out? If the former, she's an invited guest and while it would be nice if she'd pay, you are the one who issued the invite.

I hear your frustration and am sure there's more going on in this dynamic, but it seems like this is less about the meal and more about whether you want to include her in the celebrations in the first place.

Woah- I get that everyone wants to dogpile on OP, but I am on team OP. If someone invites you out for your birthday, they pay. I don't even play around with who picks up the tab, we just go dutch when we go out to eat.

My parents usually supply the main entre for a lot of the holidays because they care more about the cut of meat than we do.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

+1

ITA. But OP, it is only one person, and it is your mother. Maybe consider cheaper places to dine? Believe it or not, you will miss her some day.

Anonymous wrote:This is the old Steve Martin bit: My mother called the other day. She wanted to borrow $20 for some food! I told her, "Hey, I work for a living!" So I worked it out with her and I'm having her move my barbells to the attic.

That's how you sound, OP.

One meal a year. Mom's choice, but only one.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s that generation, they take and take and take, expect, expect, expect. They did, after all, sacrifice themselves to give birth to you, you know. That’s a life debt.

My mother in law is like this and she did very little for her kids. She was a full blown alcoholic and wasn’t a present parent, at all.

I would be happy to pay for my parents' meals for special occasions, OP. My mother can be crazy, my father is peculiar, but at the end of the day, they love me and I love them. They have done so much for me, a few meals out is NOTHING. It's not like I have to pay for a nursing home or a 24/7 aide in their home!!!

And I would never expect them to bring a dish when I invite them for the Holidays - and not just because they can't cook anything remotely tasty

Anonymous wrote:I think your only legit complaint here is her leaving you with the bill on your birthday. All your other complaints are incredibly petty.

If you don't want to go out to dinner, just cancel and make up an excuse if you have to. But this anticipatory anger at having to pay for her meal is weird.

The other legit complaint is that she would spend her money on other people, but not on you. Who else is she treating? Your siblings? Friends?

Anonymous wrote:“I thought we were going out to celebrate my birthday. After I paid for all the groceries and prepared two holiday meals, why are you not immediately paying for my birthday?” Put it on her and watch her squirm.

I don’t think this comment about paying for groceries for what by all appearances were primarily holiday meals for OP’s nuclear family lands the way you think it does.

Anonymous wrote:Referring to your mom joining holiday meals in your home as “paying for her to eat” is incredibly weird.

+1

Technically Boomer but on the very later cusp of that period. My parents always paid for me even as adults- their thought process was "you pay it forward, do it for your kids." They had no financial worries though but sounds like OP's mom doesn't either. Likewise, I always pay for my 20-something kids and hope to always do so unless they ask to treat me to a special event or occasion. Don't blame it on the Boomers. It's probably different across families.

“I thought we were going out to celebrate my birthday. After I paid for all the groceries and prepared two holiday meals, why are you not immediately paying for my birthday?” Put it on her and watch her squirm.

OP where's your dad in this, is he deceased?
My mother got very entitled after my dad died, expected us to pay for everything, even asked for a $50k year allowance / us paying for house cleaners and visiting her in Europe every 6 months.
We declined on all those fronts but we paid for the funeral meal (his funeral) and all the extras.