I got married at 23 and had my first kid in grad school at 25.

So, OP, I don't have a high opinion of your meddling.

Anonymous wrote:The 23 year old is an adult and doesn’t have to get permission from anyone to get married. WTH!?

Are you from another country? I think you would have gotten more sympathetic responses if you had said, "Would you be happy if..." rather than, "Would you "let"..."

It suggests that you don't understand the role of a parent in your stage of life.

Perhaps your daughter wants to get married because you are too controlling. Wouldn't that be ironic?

(My main concern is her partner's approach to money. He should not take on more debt. He should find a funded doctoral program OR work for a while to save money. Perhaps you could discuss that concern with her? Showing her how crushing debt would impede their lifestyle. BUT, don't come down against the guy or the marriage...because that will likely drive her away.)

For me personally the only relevant matter here is what I think about this young man and how that leaves me feeling about their connection and potential future together. ( Most 23 year olds don’t have 6 figure jobs so your dd sounds great but in that regard she’s an outlier and most same-age people she could date at this point would not have this kind of financial stability.) But I suspect your question has a cultural component to it as well. Is your family from a collectivist culture where adult children are expected To accommodate their parents wishes well into adulthood? That is really not a mainstream cultural practice in the US although I realize for many families that would still be the expectation.

Anonymous wrote:Nope! STatistically you should be over 25. Look at these figures. I would hope for 27. I was 34 and it stuck for decades and is still going strong. https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

I figure based on these statistics I'll do OK. Married at 23 (oops!) to my college sweetheart, but some other factors might make up for it: "According to this study at least, if you met your spouse in high school, college, or grad school, you are 41 percent less likely to get divorced." "Bonus, we didn't meet at a bar: "The other major difference was couples who met in bars were 24 percent more likely to get divorced than expected."

Dating, hookups and loneliness can be as much of an issue, for education, career, finances and mental health.

To me, there is no right or wrong time but there is right or wrong person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that you equate a PhD student to some kind of failure.

Large loans followed by an unpaid phd is a risky move in most cases, but less risky if you have a loving partner who is supportive of your choice. Do you think your daughter doesn’t understand finances or is incapable of making a good decision for herself?

Our too young PhD candidate raised this recently and we said all Phd and law school (hasn't even done the LSAT) funds stop if she does this. Education first. She can do anything else she wants.

Most of my friends got engaged between 21-25, married at 24-29, it helped them stay focused and worked hard.

One friend married at 21, 27, 35. Neither marriage worked out. Anecdotal info isn't very useful.

The mama/papa pair is rich, hence 23yo with 6-figure job plus trust fund, and mama is worried she'll marry a poor, PhD loser. Mama bear, you need to back off. Your concerns are not unfounded, considering your "investment." The investment is also your daughter. Unless you raised her wrong, she's confident, has her own mind, and will choose her equal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that you equate a PhD student to some kind of failure.

Large loans followed by an unpaid phd is a risky move in most cases, but less risky if you have a loving partner who is supportive of your choice. Do you think your daughter doesn’t understand finances or is incapable of making a good decision for herself?

Our too young PhD candidate raised this recently and we said all Phd and law school (hasn't even done the LSAT) funds stop if she does this. Education first. She can do anything else she wants.

Anonymous wrote:Nope! STatistically you should be over 25. Look at these figures. I would hope for 27. I was 34 and it stuck for decades and is still going strong. https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

That's rubbish, different people mature at different times. My kids were way more mature at 20 then i was at 28.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting married at 22 was the best decision I ever made. I found my person, there was no need to keep looking. Congratulations to your son!

—celebrating 15 years next summer

+1 Engaged at 23 and best life decision I've ever made. By far. When you marry young you can plan together and work towards your goals with a partner. This can make a huge difference.

Good for you but statistically that is rare that it works. My sister ruined her life with an early marriage.

Anonymous wrote:Getting married at 22 was the best decision I ever made. I found my person, there was no need to keep looking. Congratulations to your son!

—celebrating 15 years next summer

+1 Engaged at 23 and best life decision I've ever made. By far. When you marry young you can plan together and work towards your goals with a partner. This can make a huge difference.

Anonymous wrote:I would be thrilled that my son found someone he loves who has a career and passions of her own! Yay for them both!

Why wouldn’t you be happy for them? They can enjoy being married/learning to be adults together and have lots of time together before feeling rushed for babies.

She'll be signing up to support him for several years.

Nope! STatistically you should be over 25. Look at these figures. I would hope for 27. I was 34 and it stuck for decades and is still going strong. https://www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/

Anonymous wrote:It’s strange that you equate a PhD student to some kind of failure.

Large loans followed by an unpaid phd is a risky move in most cases, but less risky if you have a loving partner who is supportive of your choice. Do you think your daughter doesn’t understand finances or is incapable of making a good decision for herself?