I am the mom of an only, with a spouse who was an only. I grew up with a sibling who I am very close with and who just gave me a niece.

I think my sister is great because no one understands our parents' particular brand of crazy like we do. We understand each other's vents. I would have enjoyed a sibling for my only, but alas, it was not in the cards.

My DH is an only and very social. He is incredible at building relationships and maintaining friendships. Much better than I am.

We love our little 3 person family, with intentional bonds to extended and chosen family. I will have conversations with my DC as he grows up to encourage him to build the family and support network he needs.

I will also make sure there is plenty of money to throw at eldercare for me and DH, and ideally be clear-eyed enough about my own mortality to make some of those plans myself.

This reminds me of Meghan Markle. She says she would've loved siblings when she spoke about how her half-siblings aren't that great... That's the irony, just cause you have siblings doesn't mean they're great.
She also said she wanted lots of cousins.
I have lots and lots of relatives and I would've been fine without a lot of them (some of them are gross people ugh).

All this comes down to is, THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H and I are each one of three. I am much closer to my siblings than he is. As such, our only is much closer to his cousins on my side than on his. I would have liked to have more kids, but it wasn’t in the cards.

I have been reflecting a lot on this because I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness and may not live much longer than a year or two. There is only so much you can do to help your kids have a happy and good life, and the number of siblings really isn’t a big factor, IMHO. My siblings are among my closest friends, but my spouse and other close friends have been way more important throughout my life. Both of my parents passed recently, and much of how that went down is a complete crapshoot, and the factor that eased everything the most was having enough money to get them the care they needed.

I pray for your health and peace for you and your family.

Same, many thoughts going out to you.

Hoping that you have wonderful experiences with your loved ones with the time you are given. Wishing you peace and freedom from physical pain.

I am the aunt of an only with two very low energy parents. That seems hard and he is pretty low energy and has trouble relating to the cousins. But with right parents it seems fine for childhood and harder when you are an adult w aging parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child married to someone with siblings. We have kids.

I was perfectly content being an only child when I was growing up. I had my own room, didn't have to fight over what program to watch on the TV, and was able to go to a more expensive colllege because my parents didn't have to put multiple kids through school. The community I grew up in had kids everywhere, so there was always someone to play with or hang out with. The only time I suffered for not having a sibling was on vacations, when it would have been nice to have another kid to do things with.

As an adult, I wish I had siblings. I would like for my kids to have aunts, uncles and cousins on my side of the family. And I have an aging parent who may need support soon, and the idea of doing that all on my own, without the help of adult siblings, is daunting.

This resonates so much with me. It was fine growing up as an only. I was introverted and loved reading and my small group of friends. We also had family friends and extended family very often (like weekly). It was not lonely at all. I am close to my parents and got a lot of attention (but also some friction).

As an adult with my own kids I hate it. It feels very isolating. I wish my kids have close uncles, aunts and cousins. Yes I realize it doesn't always work out that way, we can make our own community etc. But the holidays etc always leave me feeling depressed and a bit lost like there just isn't anyone close in our orbit to share our lives with.

I can also relate. Completely happy being only while young.

However, my parents are divorced and neither is well positioned for retirement. I feel a daunting looming responsibility that will be tricky to navigate.

Also, I grew up with a lot of fun aunts, uncles and cousins. My dh has one married brother with three kids, so there are at least some cousins. But my sil is a pill and I wish my kids had more extended extended family.

We have two kids, but I would have had more if Dh had been on board.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My H and I are each one of three. I am much closer to my siblings than he is. As such, our only is much closer to his cousins on my side than on his. I would have liked to have more kids, but it wasn’t in the cards.

I have been reflecting a lot on this because I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness and may not live much longer than a year or two. There is only so much you can do to help your kids have a happy and good life, and the number of siblings really isn’t a big factor, IMHO. My siblings are among my closest friends, but my spouse and other close friends have been way more important throughout my life. Both of my parents passed recently, and much of how that went down is a complete crapshoot, and the factor that eased everything the most was having enough money to get them the care they needed.

I pray for your health and peace for you and your family.

Same, many thoughts going out to you.

Anonymous wrote:My H and I are each one of three. I am much closer to my siblings than he is. As such, our only is much closer to his cousins on my side than on his. I would have liked to have more kids, but it wasn’t in the cards.

I have been reflecting a lot on this because I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness and may not live much longer than a year or two. There is only so much you can do to help your kids have a happy and good life, and the number of siblings really isn’t a big factor, IMHO. My siblings are among my closest friends, but my spouse and other close friends have been way more important throughout my life. Both of my parents passed recently, and much of how that went down is a complete crapshoot, and the factor that eased everything the most was having enough money to get them the care they needed.

I pray for your health and peace for you and your family.

I have a sibling myself, but DD is an only and my sibling's child will likely remain an only.

DD has said she wished she had a twin or a same-age adopted sibling, but she is glad she doesn't have a younger sibling because she sees how her friends with siblings fight and complain. (Honestly I was hoping for twins but I'm aware that in real life there are real risks and downsides to that.)

DD is aware that we can afford certain things (camps, private school) because she is an only.

There are pros and cons to all family arrangements but this one works for my family.

I have 3 siblings who depend on me. I dread that I will be the caretaker when they get old and if they get ill. One is married with 2 kids that have moved out of the country. The other 2 aren't married. Plus they do nothing to support my dad.
my best friend became her brothers caretaker after he divorced and his kids aren't interested. my husband is an only and finds it very easy to handle his parents affairs since he doesnt have to get others to agree.
it can really go either way. in my case, siblings are going to make my life sifficult.

I was one of two kids. My parents divorced, and my older brother died when I was in college. I still miss my brother. I’ve lost the only person who would have truly understood what it was like to be a part of our family. I also ended up being the next of kin for both of my parents separately — and felt very alone with the stresses and traumas and grief that went along with caretaking responsibilities. There were things that we would have shared — and responsibilities that I wasn’t suited for that I didn’t have much choice about.

Being an adult “only child” influenced my decisions about having children and even my choice of partners — because I knew that in a crisis, I lacked an extended family network of my own.

My identity was formed in many ways, as my brother’s younger sister. I think the trajectory of my life would have been different if he had lived and he and any family that he had had — had been an ongoing part of my life. My mom and her brothers were close until they died — and I wish that I’d been able to have that type of adult sibling relationship with my brother too.

tldr: I’m very glad that I grew up with a sibling.

My only is 6. He is very extroverted, has lots of friends and activities. He has never asked about a sibling. He's actually real jealous of my attention toward his dad, so I think he would have been jealous/upset at a younger sibling. OTOH, maybe this jealousy isn't typical and a consequence of him having had all my attention for all his life. In any case, I am very happy not to have to divide my attention with a sibling, because I don't have more to give! I love this child so much, and while I imagined when I was younger that I'd have 3, I am happy to have this one, who is worth 3 to me. And benefits are - all our love, all our resources, all our efforts will go toward this singular person. I never really have to sacrifice anything to his detriment, and he gets the best we are capable of. I think he will always know he is loved, special, and worth it. He'll make siblings out of his friends.

I think if parents are able to have more than 1 child, they should. It's a good thing to have to adjust to others and not be the sole focus. .If parents can't have more than 1 child though, they shouldn't give this topic any thought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child married to someone with siblings. We have kids.

I was perfectly content being an only child when I was growing up. I had my own room, didn't have to fight over what program to watch on the TV, and was able to go to a more expensive colllege because my parents didn't have to put multiple kids through school. The community I grew up in had kids everywhere, so there was always someone to play with or hang out with. The only time I suffered for not having a sibling was on vacations, when it would have been nice to have another kid to do things with.

As an adult, I wish I had siblings. I would like for my kids to have aunts, uncles and cousins on my side of the family. And I have an aging parent who may need support soon, and the idea of doing that all on my own, without the help of adult siblings, is daunting.

This resonates so much with me. It was fine growing up as an only. I was introverted and loved reading and my small group of friends. We also had family friends and extended family very often (like weekly). It was not lonely at all. I am close to my parents and got a lot of attention (but also some friction).

As an adult with my own kids I hate it. It feels very isolating. I wish my kids have close uncles, aunts and cousins. Yes I realize it doesn't always work out that way, we can make our own community etc. But the holidays etc always leave me feeling depressed and a bit lost like there just isn't anyone close in our orbit to share our lives with.

Funny. I have 3 siblings and feel the same! My DH is an only and my 2 siblings don’t have kids and 1 has a much older kid so no orbit here either. Husband seems content and his parents have their elder care set up so we do a lot with friends or extended family

Anonymous wrote:My H and I are each one of three. I am much closer to my siblings than he is. As such, our only is much closer to his cousins on my side than on his. I would have liked to have more kids, but it wasn’t in the cards.

I have been reflecting a lot on this because I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness and may not live much longer than a year or two. There is only so much you can do to help your kids have a happy and good life, and the number of siblings really isn’t a big factor, IMHO. My siblings are among my closest friends, but my spouse and other close friends have been way more important throughout my life. Both of my parents passed recently, and much of how that went down is a complete crapshoot, and the factor that eased everything the most was having enough money to get them the care they needed.

Take care pp.

My H and I are each one of three. I am much closer to my siblings than he is. As such, our only is much closer to his cousins on my side than on his. I would have liked to have more kids, but it wasn’t in the cards.

I have been reflecting a lot on this because I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness and may not live much longer than a year or two. There is only so much you can do to help your kids have a happy and good life, and the number of siblings really isn’t a big factor, IMHO. My siblings are among my closest friends, but my spouse and other close friends have been way more important throughout my life. Both of my parents passed recently, and much of how that went down is a complete crapshoot, and the factor that eased everything the most was having enough money to get them the care they needed.