Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 is not young for crushes. My 8 year old had her crush on her girl friend for a while and then it passed. I wouldn't think much of it. and if she's gay, who cares?

A lot of people would care or be upset if their child was gay for a number of reasons, all of them valid.

+1

I suspect the reasons aren’t objectively valid or you would have listed them here.

DP

Culture and religion are not “objectively valid?”

Please explain.

DP. I’m curious what you mean by “objectively valid.” I have friends from ultra religious communities who have been ostracized for things like getting a college degree. This religious group would probably also disown you if you got a blood transfusion. Though I legally support their right to believe what they want so long as it doesn’t affect others, I would hardly call these views “objectively valid.” These views seem very backwards in modern society. I can understand that very religious people would not be happy that their kids were gay, but I also don’t see this view as “objectively valid.”

I think many parents assume their kids are heterosexual until something different is presented. With my kids, it was not evident which sex they would prefer so we treated them as clean slates and let them gravitate. My DD is still discovering herself. She has decided she is female (her friend is nonbinary) and another girl had a crush on her so had her first girlfriend in middle school. But during that process, she realized that she liked the other girl like a "best best friend" and was not interested in kissing or anything other than the idea of having someone like you. But she feels that same way for boys too. Ultimately, her and her first girlfriend broke up and now they are good friends (navigating a breakup without losing a friendship was hard) and now she is just neutral. I listen, I give advice generally to make sure she is only doing things she feels comfortable with and not to please others, I am supporting while she discovers herself. Some kids know right away (I knew I was heterosexual and had boy crushes) but some need time.

Anonymous wrote:I was reading my Seven Sister's college magazine excerpts from the days of yore and it's surprising how many students had crushes on their classmates or upperclasswomen. I don't know that it was sexual, probably a zeitgeist thing that happened on women's campuses back in the day. I kind of got the sense that it was competitive - who you modeled yourself after.

OP here. That's interesting. The girl she "likes" is very likable. She's very sweet, smart, kind and beautiful. That kind of makes sense, based on the info you provided.

I was reading my Seven Sister's college magazine excerpts from the days of yore and it's surprising how many students had crushes on their classmates or upperclasswomen. I don't know that it was sexual, probably a zeitgeist thing that happened on women's campuses back in the day. I kind of got the sense that it was competitive - who you modeled yourself after.

OP here. Thanks to all for your feedback and advice. And thank you for the compliment that she's opened up to me. Hopefully this will continue well into her teens and beyond

As far as the comments regarding religion and sexual orientation - there should be no question. Your child should come before any and all things. I am sure God would understand your dedication to such a precious gift as your love for your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 is not young for crushes. My 8 year old had her crush on her girl friend for a while and then it passed. I wouldn't think much of it. and if she's gay, who cares?

A lot of people would care or be upset if their child was gay for a number of reasons, all of them valid.

+1

I suspect the reasons aren’t objectively valid or you would have listed them here.

DP

Culture and religion are not “objectively valid?”

Please explain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 is not young for crushes. My 8 year old had her crush on her girl friend for a while and then it passed. I wouldn't think much of it. and if she's gay, who cares?

A lot of people would care or be upset if their child was gay for a number of reasons, all of them valid.

+1

I suspect the reasons aren’t objectively valid or you would have listed them here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 is not young for crushes. My 8 year old had her crush on her girl friend for a while and then it passed. I wouldn't think much of it. and if she's gay, who cares?

A lot of people would care or be upset if their child was gay for a number of reasons, all of them valid.

+1

Jeff deleted my comment.

The gist of it was:

Many devoutly religious communities are not as accepting as certain posters on this forum seem to demand.

I had crushes on boys long before 10! I never thought boys had "cooties" for example.

Don't overthink. Just listen. Glad she felt she could tell you. Tell her about your first crush. Normalize the crush for her. Because it IS normal.

If you've never had a crush on a girl you can be honest about that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 is not young for crushes. My 8 year old had her crush on her girl friend for a while and then it passed. I wouldn't think much of it. and if she's gay, who cares?

A lot of people would care or be upset if their child was gay for a number of reasons, all of them valid.

No, none of them are valid. You may be hurt, because of your expectations and bias, but you need to get over it. It’s the kid’s life, not yours.

Anonymous wrote:10 is not young for crushes. My 8 year old had her crush on her girl friend for a while and then it passed. I wouldn't think much of it. and if she's gay, who cares?

A lot of people would care or be upset if their child was gay for a number of reasons, all of them valid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last night my DD 10 told me she had a secret. About crushes. Eventually she told me that she "likes, likes" a girl in her class.

I am trying not to read too much into it. I told her you can like anyone for who they are in the inside. That's what important. She asked me if I ever "liked" a girl, and I said I've thought some were really pretty and nice. ( I wasn't sure what to say).

Any advice here? I know some people say they knew they were gay from a very young age. And if she is, so be it. However I think she's young for crushes.

Any advice would be appreciated.

thanks.

I would just try your best to appear to be supportive, and to lover her. Let her know you still love her even if she turns out that way, and that you are still her mom. Its important for her know she still has a home. How does your husband feel about this?

What the actual f***?

Seriously! Isn’t the “I love you even if….” the worst thing you can say? In case you’re new, it implies something is wrong with you.

Similar situation here, wondering if that should change what we allow for sleepovers.

My DD came out at 11. She says that she never thought about boys in a romantic way and never imagined being married to a male when she did pretend play as a little kid.