Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you live with her? If not, let calls go to voicemail. Tell her you can help for 3 hours on a Saturday. Then ignore the rest.

So we don’t even find out about her extra plans and tasks until we arrive at the house and she starts to corner certain people in the kitchen to tell them off for not helping enough. It seems like it’s all very last minute for my mom in addition to being poorly communicated.

Remind her that she can’t spring her plans on people and then yell at them for something that hadn’t been communicated. Maybe preempt by asking her now if there are any final things needed today so you can all relax and enjoy each other without frantic needs at the last minute.

This was the dynamic in my house growing up and as a result by the time I was in middle school or so I really kind of hated Christmas. It wasn’t till I had a family of my own and realized I could decide how much hoopla was necessary that I started loving it again! We do things a very scaled down, if it causes a lot of stress I’m just not going to do it. I don’t really buy a lot of the “magic“ nonsense especially as pertains to mountains of gifts, elf on the shelf etc. etc. But what I DO value is cozy time at home, some yummy food, very limited number of gifts, twinkle lights etc. Just making it a nice time together. My kids are older teen/ college age and they seem to think the holidays are pretty great.
So I feel for you. I don’t know what you can do for your mom other than set clear boundaries and if she needs to spin out she needs to spin out but try not to let it impact how you spend time this time of year.