It's not rude. It's totally fine. Just spend the first hour at least making an effort to socialize a bit. Then put one airpod in. You can always respond when someone speaks to you or check in every couple hours or so, so it doesn't seem like you are completely checked out.

My parents speak another language and my husband gets bored when we are visiting them also, and I would not subject him to more than a couple hours at a time. 9-10 hours is a very long time to sit around listening to other people speak in a different language.

I think OP is being polite by trying to discretely entertain themselves while still being there with the spouse's family. I assure you, the family doesn't care. They are having a grand old time catching up in their more comfortable language.

I take breaks to my room during that time and watch a show or read a book. Sometimes just go for a walk with the kids or attend to in-laws dog, etc.

I do not sit there for nine hours like a puppet.

NP

I wear headphones all the time at home and keep one ear unblocked in case someone talks to me.

I think its fine. Even when people do speak the same language, you can't be expected to converse for 9 hours. Is the TV on - maybe you can turn it to something you like. I think reading a book is fine and even being on your phone. As long as you have made a little effort at the beginning and during the meal. And no it is not rude for a family to speak their own language at a family gathering. Americans are so ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's rude to speak in another language in front of someone who can't speak it. I think both airpods or a book are fine. Obviously look around a bit and smile, to let people know you're open to a conversation, but the idea that you must sit quietly, smiling vacantly while all around you people chatter to each other in another language is a ridiculous standard to be held to.

NP. For me, I'm the one who can't speak their language well when we visit family overseas. They can't speak English. My husband obviously wants to catch up with his family. I can speak his language a bit one on one, but 12 people talking over the top of each other in slang at a dinner table is beyond my abilities. It can get pretty boring, but I don't know the answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's rude to speak in another language in front of someone who can't speak it. I think both airpods or a book are fine. Obviously look around a bit and smile, to let people know you're open to a conversation, but the idea that you must sit quietly, smiling vacantly while all around you people chatter to each other in another language is a ridiculous standard to be held to.

OP says “most of them don’t speak English very well” so by your logic OP is rude by speaking English in front of this group.

But she is the minority here, and they are the majority. It's incumbent upon the majority to be considerate of the minority, not the other way round.

Haven't read all the replies.

Can you drive separately and leave at the 5 hour mark claiming tiredness or blame the kid and say the kid is ready to go?

If not, suck it up. It's one day.

Anonymous wrote:I think it's rude to speak in another language in front of someone who can't speak it. I think both airpods or a book are fine. Obviously look around a bit and smile, to let people know you're open to a conversation, but the idea that you must sit quietly, smiling vacantly while all around you people chatter to each other in another language is a ridiculous standard to be held to.

OP says “most of them don’t speak English very well” so by your logic OP is rude by speaking English in front of this group.

I think it's rude to speak in another language in front of someone who can't speak it. I think both airpods or a book are fine. Obviously look around a bit and smile, to let people know you're open to a conversation, but the idea that you must sit quietly, smiling vacantly while all around you people chatter to each other in another language is a ridiculous standard to be held to.

I think airpods are much, much ruder than a book or magazine *because* they're subtle; it's like you want to pretend you're paying attention to these people but actually aren't. Super hypocritical. Personally, I would bring knitting, since it's something I can do that won't interfere with communicating with anyone, or try to help with the cooking or suggest a walk or a game; something to do that does not require a lot of sophisticated communication. Since you have a teen in the same position, you can bring something the two of you like to do together that will not exclude others.

But I honestly don't find bringing a book to family gathering to be all that rude, especially if it's 9+ hours long. Phone/devices are fine too, provided you put it down and give your attention to anyone who's near you and speaking a language you understand.

I don't think I'd watch a movie. But maybe listen to a podcast, especially with one ear in only.

I think it's fine. 9-10 hours is a LONG day.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this question is simply: Can I put in airpods at a social gathering?

Answer: No.

Is it really a social gathering if OP can’t socialize at all with the others. I’m in the “it’s not rude” camp here. I mean OP has to do something to pass the time, whether it is listening to AirPods or reading a book or taking a nap or just sitting there smiling for 10 hours they aren’t going to be participating.

Anonymous wrote:It’s rude to wear the air pods and by doing so you are adding another level of barriers between you and the family. A book, magazine or even browsing on your phone is preferable because you are not physically closing off your ears.

This, and I am in OP’s exact situation (except that our children speak their father’s language). My strategies: shortened time (go somewhere else for a while), book, phone. Never headphones/AirPods.

It’s rude to wear the air pods and by doing so you are adding another level of barriers between you and the family. A book, magazine or even browsing on your phone is preferable because you are not physically closing off your ears.

Can you go for a walk during different parts of the day? I have sat through many long dinners without having a clue what is going on.

Volunteer to collect whatever they need from the supermarket. Do the dishes.

My relatives think I am a voracious reader because I read so many books when I visit them.