Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

I would believe your sister. Our step-grandfather sexually abused me, but not my cousin. Her dad sensed something and kept her clear of his stepfather. Mine did not.

Anonymous wrote:Those don’t exactly seem like reasons to not believe your sister. In fact they make the narrative more plausible to me. But obviously you know more than I do.

I personally wouldn’t risk having my kids around somebody who had been accused of sexual assault of children. It might not be fair but I just couldn’t risk it.

I agree 100%, it's not worth the risk.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If nothing else OP if you go without talking to your mother about than you have sided with her/step-father over your sister. If there’s any chance of it being true (and I’d believe her unless proven otherwise) how could you justify to your sister vacationing with them? Would you see this the same way of you heard of this from someone else? I understand you ‘lose’ the relationship with your mother but can you see that you absolve the evil?

Op here. I’m not saying that I’m going to still go, but my sister did clarify when we talked that she’s not asking me to do or not do anything in my relationship with our mom and stepdad. My sister says she doesn’t care how I handle things with mom. She says she just wanted me to be aware so I can keep my kids safe.

Your sister sounds like a very caring aunt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those don’t exactly seem like reasons to not believe your sister. In fact they make the narrative more plausible to me. But obviously you know more than I do.

I personally wouldn’t risk having my kids around somebody who had been accused of sexual assault of children. It might not be fair but I just couldn’t risk it.

+2 Estrangement is a natural result of not being believed/protected in the face of sexual abuse

Women aligning with their husbands appears to be a far more common response than believing and helping their kids

Denial isn’t just a river in Africa

There is no river in Africa named “Denial.”

Lol.

The. Nile.

Yep.

Anonymous wrote:If nothing else OP if you go without talking to your mother about than you have sided with her/step-father over your sister. If there’s any chance of it being true (and I’d believe her unless proven otherwise) how could you justify to your sister vacationing with them? Would you see this the same way of you heard of this from someone else? I understand you ‘lose’ the relationship with your mother but can you see that you absolve the evil?

Op here. I’m not saying that I’m going to still go, but my sister did clarify when we talked that she’s not asking me to do or not do anything in my relationship with our mom and stepdad. My sister says she doesn’t care how I handle things with mom. She says she just wanted me to be aware so I can keep my kids safe.

Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

Your sister has issues with her mother b/c her mother did not protect her. Now she's trying to protect the next gen. If she's right, what happens? If she's wrong, you've protected your children anyway.

Op, It was a difficult thing for your sister to come forward and say something to you. Risk of not being believed, risk of fracturing your relationship, risk of being shunned by the family for creating drama and conflict and disrupting the peace, and risk of living with the identity as a sexual abuse victim. She was willing to risk all of that to protect your children. Do not take what she risked lightly.

I also understand that you have many reasons to doubt your sister’s story. If you were to believe it, it would break whatever peace and relationship you have with your mom. You might have to grapple with the guilt that it happened under the same roof and you were unaware and unable to protect your sister. It would break any illusion that you have a healthy normal family with good parental relationships. It would be a loss for you as well. But kindly, you need to get over it. Honor your sister’s difficult decision to come forward to you and most of all, protect your children.

If there is even a chance this is accurate I would not even play around with his. End of trips to mom. She can come visit without him. Hugs to your sister sounds tough and that she doesn’t have much support from her family (you are included in this btw).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you can't get your money back for the vacation shouldn't be a factor at all. I would not take the chance. If your stepdad abused your kids, how could you ever forgive yourself???

Op here. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself! But also, DW and I will both be there and our kids would never be alone with stepdad.

This is a very dumb approach. Sexual abuse is done in a very hidden in plain sight kind of way. Why would you even risk it??

Op here. I mean I really can’t see how my kids would be at risk. They sleep in the same bed or the same room as me and DW when we travel. My stepdad has never been alone with them. Also, my kids are younger and my sister said the abuse didn’t start until she was 13/14. I’m not saying we have to go or that we will, but just trying to see how it really would put my kids at risk.

I just can't with this. Being so cavalier with potential groping of your kids.

+2

Troll. And a sick one at that.

+3
I bet this sicko is getting pleasure out of this scenario. Be better, OP. Get help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should believe your sister. My sister accused my brother of molesting her child and I don’t believe her. The state was on the cusp of removing her child from her care and placing her child with my brother and she didn’t want that to happen. Additionally, she was leaving her child with my brother during the period when the alleged molestation was happening. It’s only in these extreme circumstances when I wouldn’t believe the accuser.

One thing I didn’t take into account is that my brother is sweet and full of love and I could never imagine him hurting a child. Predators rarely seem like predators. It’s often the people you’d least expect.

Sorry what? I am confused, did you believe your sister or not?

Sorry! I did *not* believe my sister. Should have made that clear.

I added the part about my brother being awesome in case OP is thinking about her stepdads character as reason why he may or may not be guilty. People shouldn’t take character into consideration.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I knew he was dangerous but I didn't want to lose my deposit"

Imagine saying that to your kid 10 years from now when they ask why you let them get assaulted.

Op here. I shouldn’t have mentioned that the trip is paid for. I just meant that there isn’t some easy way to just put it off. We will have to actually cancel the trip is all, and I will have to give a reason to my mom.

Yes you will.

Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

Wow worst parent award right here!

Woo hoo.

OP you can not be serious. Cancel this trip. What is wrong with you?

Anonymous wrote:You should believe your sister. My sister accused my brother of molesting her child and I don’t believe her. The state was on the cusp of removing her child from her care and placing her child with my brother and she didn’t want that to happen. Additionally, she was leaving her child with my brother during the period when the alleged molestation was happening. It’s only in these extreme circumstances when I wouldn’t believe the accuser.

One thing I didn’t take into account is that my brother is sweet and full of love and I could never imagine him hurting a child. Predators rarely seem like predators. It’s often the people you’d least expect.

Sorry what? I am confused, did you believe your sister or not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those don’t exactly seem like reasons to not believe your sister. In fact they make the narrative more plausible to me. But obviously you know more than I do.

I personally wouldn’t risk having my kids around somebody who had been accused of sexual assault of children. It might not be fair but I just couldn’t risk it.

+2 Estrangement is a natural result of not being believed/protected in the face of sexual abuse

Women aligning with their husbands appears to be a far more common response than believing and helping their kids

Denial isn’t just a river in Africa

There is no river in Africa named “Denial.”

Lol.

The. Nile.

If nothing else OP if you go without talking to your mother about than you have sided with her/step-father over your sister. If there’s any chance of it being true (and I’d believe her unless proven otherwise) how could you justify to your sister vacationing with them? Would you see this the same way of you heard of this from someone else? I understand you ‘lose’ the relationship with your mother but can you see that you absolve the evil?