Married 22 years and things seem pretty strong. There was a choppy bit maybe 5 or 6 years ago. Probably would be regarded as a minor blip in a lot of relationships; but in the context of ours, which hasn't had any drama to speak of, it stood out.

We're about 8 months from being empty-nesters, so we'll have to adjust to that. But I think we'll be fine.

Anonymous wrote:You’re happily married for the long term until you’re not. It’s like flipping a light switch when it happens.

A DP here, not the OP, but from the many posts on DCUM over the years, it seems that even if a sudden collapse of a marriage feels like "flipping a light switch" -- that's often not truly the case. Yes, absolutely people do get badly blindsided, especially if their spouses have been good at keeping secrets. Being blindsided is real, and happens even to smart and observant people (I know this from some close friends' experiences with spouses who were living carefully veiled double lives, emotionally). But many times there are signs before that light switch flips; the signs just don't always add up clearly to the observer who is looking at them from inside the marriage. That's when asking questions on a forum like this one can sometimes help, as can seeing a therapist or counselor, or otherwise getting an outside view.

To get a 26 year so far, there have been some minor blips but there was a pretty big one last year, it took some time to get over bud we are back to being close and happy again.
My parents divorced very early and hers should have but are still together.

Anonymous wrote:I was happily married for about 20 years but got divorced at 25 years. I thought that was a pretty successful marriage, got our kids raised without drama or trauma, but at least one person on DCUM has informed me that you can't call a marriage successful if it ends in divorce at any point. I disagree, what do you think?

Just another DP (not OP). I would agree if you leave the marriage without rancor. My brother and his first wife divorced after about 10 years. They divorced because they had very different views on money. The first two years were difficult, but then they became committed to doing things for the benefit of the children. They also realized that once they took money out of the equation that they both remember what they liked and loved about the other. They were and are very good friends and co-parents. From that point on, they celebrated holidays together, sometimes took trips together. They are both remarried and both couples are much happier than the original couple.

I don't think you have to be great friends, but as long as you can maintain a healthy relationship and be around each other peacefully, like at events for your kids, then I would agree with you.

My father passed one month after my parents 62nd anniversary. My mother was devastated, but she's managed to move on.

My wife and I celebrated our 20th anniversary earlier this year and we are still quite happy and in it for the long haul. A happy family of four. Like many others have said, we both value the partner's happiness as much as our own and we both make the effort to do things that make the other happy. I think it is important when you value the other person's happiness as much as your own. If we want to do something that the other doesn't or won't like, we talk about it before we make the decision. These traits help prevent arguments and disagreements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re happily married for the long term until you’re not. It’s like flipping a light switch when it happens.

Yep. And I honestly don't understand what anyone "happily married" is doing on the relationship forum. So they can comment sancitimoneously on other people's posts?

So I can learn from the mistakes of others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re happily married for the long term until you’re not. It’s like flipping a light switch when it happens.

Yep. And I honestly don't understand what anyone "happily married" is doing on the relationship forum. So they can comment sancitimoneously on other people's posts?

No offense, but people in bad relationships providing advice is like the blind leading the blind. We aren't all happy in our relationships because of luck, a lot of us have worked hard on ourselves and our relationship.

We met at 15. Got married at 22. Happily married for 33 years. Five adult kids. Two grandkids. We are 55, retired, and loving this new adventure!

Anonymous wrote:Yes, 20 years and 2 kids. Not starting any threads because we're not on dating apps or texting any exes.

+1 same.. I mean, it wasn't all unicorns and rainbows, but we're pretty happy in our marriages now. Went through a rough patch when the kids were little. I think we are each other's BFF.

Anonymous wrote:I was happily married for about 20 years but got divorced at 25 years. I thought that was a pretty successful marriage, got our kids raised without drama or trauma, but at least one person on DCUM has informed me that you can't call a marriage successful if it ends in divorce at any point. I disagree, what do you think?

I agree with you. Especially if the marriage ending ends on decent terms and you can still be civil if not reasonably friendly with your ex and shared kids events. That seems a lot more successful than those who are technically married but despise each other, are sexless or whatever.

Also, I really root for all these posters, but I don't know if you can really comment on a marriage being long term successful until 20 years plus. Most problems in marriages arise after the kids hit middle and high school.

Happily married for 29 years with four kids. We still enjoy spending time together and look forward to having an empty nest. I have always thought he is what makes our marriage so good - he's patient and funny, and indulges my moods. Both of our parents were married over 50 years, so we certainly had good examples.

30 years here. There is no one I would rather spend time with and I’m still happy to see him when he comes through the door. We do a lot of things together, but have our own interests too. We’re both quick witted and make each other laugh.

Per the other thread about how women lock down good men when they’re young, I spent a lot of time with Engineers. I liked smart guys and happened to find one who is cute AND funny too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re happily married for the long term until you’re not. It’s like flipping a light switch when it happens.

Yep. And I honestly don't understand what anyone "happily married" is doing on the relationship forum. So they can comment sancitimoneously on other people's posts?

The title of the thread says "Anyone here married happily for the long term?". That is viewable from the recent threads page. I'd imagine anyone who reads that can post. I don't think anyone is trolling the relationship discussion - which BTW often discuss family members other than spouses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re happily married for the long term until you’re not. It’s like flipping a light switch when it happens.

Yep. And I honestly don't understand what anyone "happily married" is doing on the relationship forum. So they can comment sancitimoneously on other people's posts?

It pops up on recent topics.

And plenty of relationship posts are not husband/wife ones.

Happily married 15 years. 3 kids. My husband has the patience of a saint and deserves the lion's share of the credit for our happy marriage.
We're mid 40s now and don't have as much sex as we'd like (we're so tired, and I work at night) but we're still very happy. Life now is 100% kid focused but we both agree that we will enjoy it while it lasts. The kids will hit 18 soon and then they'll move out and likely never live with us again. So we're taking advantage of being woken up in the morning, family breakfasts, and all of the chaos of life with kids.
We have the same financial goals and spending habits (neither one of us is flashy) so it works.
Best of luck, OP.