I would not go through the physical and financial expense of trying to have a child. Lining up a donor egg, finding a surrogate, getting that surrogate pregnant, etc. is going to push you into later 40s and will create an even larger than 10+ year sibling gap. It’s also not a guarantee you’ll end up with a baby. I think you need to close that chapter of your life and decide to enthusiastically live what is meant to happen next.

Get on some adoption lists with agencies, take some intro. to fostering classes and see if it’s for you, and plan some personally fulfilling things in the meantime. I am a lawyer and wish I had time to volunteer as a guardian ad litem for instance. It seems like you enjoy children, so maybe sign up to tutor at risk youth or something. Then be open to what life brings you.

I say this as someone who is an only child and used to ask my parents for a sibling. I also didn’t have many cousins. It was a quiet childhood, but my parents did their best to always let me bring a friend on vacation, host sleepovers, etc. to help counteract any loneliness. I’m now very close to them as an adult and I appreciate that even had they given me a sibling, the result would be a gamble. I know so many people who are not close to their siblings as adults or who are going to become responsible for a special needs sibling. Or their parents resources went to dealing with the sibling’s major issues like addiction, mental illness, etc. I am jealous of people with close siblings as adults, but that is somewhat a factor of luck. Your child will be okay as an only.

Anonymous wrote:If you did have another baby, your child will be a teen and not at all interested in the new kid. Sounds like you need to focus on your lonely kid and the answer isn't to create another kid.

My little brother was born when I was 13. I was certainly interested in him/liked playing with him.

I’m 44 with two teens and I promise you, if you were living my life right now you would be DONE. I love my kids and honestly they are great, but it’s a lot with their schedules, emotional ups and downs, and the stress of high school/college prep. Parenthood is a long journey and it’s not just about the cute baby phase. No way I would be wanting to do this at sixty!

Im only 41 and I'm tired. I look 35 but this body says otherwise. I refuse to let another child zap my looks cause the one I got zapped all my energy. Mama needs something! Hold on to your energy girl...because some people are old and ragged inside AND OUT. Baby, you couldn't pay me to have another child at 45.

Sounds like you have a nice life. Enjoy it! Some things are better left in the realm of fantasy. It always seems great in the fantasy but reality is a different story! (And your son would probably despise/resent a baby at this point in his life!)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I agree with other PPs who say fostering might be a great idea!

You're not too old. I had a baby at 43 and had plenty of energy for that. And I know a few older parent couples at church who are fostering/adopting infants and toddlers.

As someone who had her last child well into her forties, I'm always amused by statements like this.

Having a baby at 43 or 45 is nothing. It's having a 10-year-old at 53 or 55 that will do you in.

PP, you are assuming that the leap between 45 and 55 is the same as the leap between 35 and 45, or 25 and 35. I'm here to tell you, it is not.

PP here...I'm into my 50's now and still feel like I have plenty of energy. Dc is 8. We just had a fun weekend with church, seeing grandparents (my folks) and Christmas lights activity. I do sleep well-no peri/meno insomnia for me! The couples at church who have foster babies are actually older than me.

Anonymous wrote:Get a puppy.

+1

If you did have another baby, your child will be a teen and not at all interested in the new kid. Sounds like you need to focus on your lonely kid and the answer isn't to create another kid.

Anonymous wrote: I agree with other PPs who say fostering might be a great idea!

You're not too old. I had a baby at 43 and had plenty of energy for that. And I know a few older parent couples at church who are fostering/adopting infants and toddlers.

As someone who had her last child well into her forties, I'm always amused by statements like this.

Having a baby at 43 or 45 is nothing. It's having a 10-year-old at 53 or 55 that will do you in.

PP, you are assuming that the leap between 45 and 55 is the same as the leap between 35 and 45, or 25 and 35. I'm here to tell you, it is not.

I would adopt or use a surrogate.

Anonymous wrote:Set your alarm to go off every two hours all night long for the next two weeks. Remind yourself of the reality of the lack of sleep.

Yesss! So true!!

And you must stay awake when the alarm goes off for 1 hr, 15 minutes. You have 45 minutes to sleep until the next cycle. That is around the clock. Try going to work that sleep deprived. Make sure that you ignore your 10-year old for the time that you are awake and see if the kid feel more or less lonely with the new arrangement!

You’re too damned old to have another kid, OP. Get over it.

I agree that your should switch therapists. I'm saying this as someone that is walking down your same path and having to come to terms with it. At some point we do have to heal the hole that isn't going to be fixed by another child. I've already come to that realization. The trauma of the journey won't be fixed by a child.

I agree with other PPs who say fostering might be a great idea!

You're not too old. I had a baby at 43 and had plenty of energy for that. And I know a few older parent couples at church who are fostering/adopting infants and toddlers.

45? I'll cure the fever for you:

Lack of sleep.
Sleepless nights.
Constant waking to feed.
Constant waking to diaper.
Colic.
Crying.
No Sleep.

Do you even remember how hard it was when they are babies? Plus, you have other kids who need you and adding a baby to the mix will be so disruptive to your family.