Kids at what some people call "big 5." For both of our kids, they had ipad in 6th. Just texting friends, very limited apps and websites. Age 13 they got a phone with same limitations. No social media until the earliest 9th grade.

Yes there are kids who have social media much earlier, and phones much earlier. My kids were probably in the last 10-15% to get it at age 13. I don't know about social media.

The hard thing - and why i do not think it can be just an age thing- is that it depends on your kids' friend group. If they communicate by text, then it will impact their connection to not have any access at all to text. BUT if they can text from home on an ipad, that is plenty. If the friend group does everything on Snap, that is unfortunate b/c your child will miss out.

It is sad how much is dependent on peers- and not by the kids doing- in that the norms of the group impact everyone in it.

I feel like this thread is not representative of how many kids actually have phones and social media etc. Assume the people who want to post here are those who are most strict and feel strongly. My public school sixth grader has a phone and 90 percent of her friends have phones (they all have a long walk to school and parents want to track their kids, so that may be part of it). We finally wore down on TikTok, with time limits, because most of her friends had that. They post dance videos and makeup videos etc., and I have it too so I get notifications when she posts. In 7th grade everyone seems to have Snapchat now, which we haven’t given in on yet but probably will eventually.

I think the other side of this is that it’s important to teach them how to use devices and social media responsibly and have an open dialogue with parents about it. Middle school is a good time for this before high school. I can take it away at any time and often do.

Kids are really smart with this stuff and will figure out how to social media etc even if you don’t let them. The most restricted kids often have hidden accounts or are doing it at friend’s houses. I’d rather my kids be using their devices openly with me and learning what is dangerous than sneaking around and letting totally loose once they do finally get a device.

No. Not really. We see the divorced family kids with them early and the youngest children/latchkey types.

My 6th grader got one at the start of the school year since he needs to get himself to and from school independently. And that one day he accidentally got on the wrong bus and didn't know where he was, I was really glad he had it with him. The phone is locked down and he can't add a contact or download anything to it without approval. The phone has no games or social media so he only calls/texts and I can track it (which is how I knew where to find him that day he got lost).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure the logic of "we didn't have phones when we were kids" holds up unfortunately. When I was a kid, there were payphones at school so we could call our parents. our kids have no way to reach out without having their own phones. Also there used to generally be payphones around (near sports fields, etc) but that is not the case anymore.

then get a flip phone, or apple watch with no apps, etc. very easy to go around. And have them keep in in your purse/a basket in the entry way/the kitchen drawer (a designated place) when they don't actively need it for sports practice pick up etc.
it isn't unfettered access to ipad/computer/apple watch or nothing. There is so much in between if you put in the thought and effort.

I'm the PP you are quoting and that is what we do. I'm not sure why you assumed my kid has unfettered access to an iphone based on my post.

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure the logic of "we didn't have phones when we were kids" holds up unfortunately. When I was a kid, there were payphones at school so we could call our parents. our kids have no way to reach out without having their own phones. Also there used to generally be payphones around (near sports fields, etc) but that is not the case anymore.

then get a flip phone, or apple watch with no apps, etc. very easy to go around. And have them keep in in your purse/a basket in the entry way/the kitchen drawer (a designated place) when they don't actively need it for sports practice pick up etc.
it isn't unfettered access to ipad/computer/apple watch or nothing. There is so much in between if you put in the thought and effort.

Mine needs it for logistics, but has lost 2 already. We give him our old phones when we upgrade and he goes without in between. Getting him a refurbished apple watch with cellular data for xmas - we'll see how that goes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure the logic of "we didn't have phones when we were kids" holds up unfortunately. When I was a kid, there were payphones at school so we could call our parents. our kids have no way to reach out without having their own phones. Also there used to generally be payphones around (near sports fields, etc) but that is not the case anymore.

The school office should let them make an emergency phone call. If they are at a sports practice, the adult coach should let them make an emergency call.
What other kinds of callls would they need to make?

Things that aren't emergencies like "can I skip X activity to go with my friends to do such-and-such". Or "I thought I wanted to go to aftercare to work on a project with Jane but she is sick so can you come pick me up an hour before our agreed upon ti,e." or me calling to say "your violin teacher is sick so you can go watch your friends soccer game after all"

Obviously none of these are life or death, but I don't see a lot of downside to a basic flip phone to help with instances like this.

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure the logic of "we didn't have phones when we were kids" holds up unfortunately. When I was a kid, there were payphones at school so we could call our parents. our kids have no way to reach out without having their own phones. Also there used to generally be payphones around (near sports fields, etc) but that is not the case anymore.

The school office should let them make an emergency phone call. If they are at a sports practice, the adult coach should let them make an emergency call.
What other kinds of callls would they need to make?

I am not sure the logic of "we didn't have phones when we were kids" holds up unfortunately. When I was a kid, there were payphones at school so we could call our parents. our kids have no way to reach out without having their own phones. Also there used to generally be payphones around (near sports fields, etc) but that is not the case anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps get them a non smart phone, that they would be less likely to use except when needed.

Lots of people we know give their MSers dumb/flip phones. They can call and text, but it's not an addictive time suck.

this is what we did, we gave our kids flip phones designed for the elderly. The one downside is that it does have web access on the (tiny) screen and there is no way to filter it because it is not designed for kids.

Anonymous wrote:Big 3 6th grade parent here. No phone, just iPad for texting. Some complaints about how they're the only one of their friends without a phone, but they're not able to raise a great reason for why they want one, other than that we could call them if we're late. (Guess what people used to do before cell phones when their parents were late? Wait!) I do think it will be Pandora's box to have a phone in the pocket, on hand. Like having cookies in your purse all the time. Definitely waiting until 7th.

Even in 7th you need firm rules set up ahead of time. They need boundaries with this crap.