Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents normally give me 1k and dh a gift in the $100 range. My sibling isn't married so I think that helps make it more fair that dh isn't also getting 1k.

Growing up my grandparents gave each of their kids (7 kids) 15k every Christmas and grandkids (18 of us) each got 1k.

123k on Christmas gifts blows my mind. Especially considering this had to have been quite some time ago. I'm sure that's less than most houses (at the time).

Pp here. They were actually middle class people. Grandpa was a tradesman and grandma a sahm who pinched pennies. They did very well in the stock market in the 2000s and giving away money was part of their estate planning.

I agree that it was a ton of money. My grandparents weren’t controlling but getting that money meant that all their kids and grandparents came to Christmas and enjoyed it. I loved seeing cousins.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family the older generation always pays for family vacations. When I was young, it was my grand parents. My mother paid when my kids were young and now we pay.

OP here - my mother has not paid for anything at any time. She was a single mom and I'm married and we can afford it.
Husband's mother still sends us 1k for Christmas!

OP, this is why. Some parents feel really criticized and threatened when they see their children doing things they did not do. Usually it happens when they feel badly about not doing those things. Just ignore if you can.

Yes, probably right.

Anonymous wrote:Op, you're giving your Mom too much information. You are sharing as if she were your BFF. She's not.

If she were, you'd be able to shut-down her criticisms because she is being rude.

Read previous posts. She sees what I give them - barstools or a tv, opened at Christmas - it’s easy to see how much is spent.
I don’t actually TALK to her about any money we spend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents normally give me 1k and dh a gift in the $100 range. My sibling isn't married so I think that helps make it more fair that dh isn't also getting 1k.

Growing up my grandparents gave each of their kids (7 kids) 15k every Christmas and grandkids (18 of us) each got 1k.

123k on Christmas gifts blows my mind. Especially considering this had to have been quite some time ago. I'm sure that's less than most houses (at the time).

I have a friend whose in laws do this. I think it is a great idea if you are wealthy. Our HHI is around $300k and it would be great to know this is coming each year to pay for private school, repairs, camps, nicer vacations. It is much more appealing that inheriting the money in my 60s or 70s. Of course, this is for those who are wealthy and have it to spare.

My in laws don't spend too much on adult children during Christmas - maybe around $200. However, over the years, they have given us checks for a new A/C, washing machine, garage door, etc simply because we mentioned it - not that we asked for help. We have the money to cover it ourselves but it is still much appreciated.

Anonymous wrote:Vacations are not gifts.

Luckily that's not for you to decide

It's sad that your mother never learned that it's poor manners to comment on how other people spend their money.

We spend around $100-$150, but every once in a while there is something bigger. We also do their ROTH contribution. They are 23 and 26. The younger one is a poor grad student.

Op, you're giving your Mom too much information. You are sharing as if she were your BFF. She's not.

If she were, you'd be able to shut-down her criticisms because she is being rude.

Anonymous wrote:I spend about $500 a piece. They're all in their low 30s. My Mom thinks this is a travesty.

We also go on occasional family vacations in place of Christmas gifts where we pay for MOST of the vacation and she also thinks this is awful too.

How much do the rest of you spend?

Everyone spends according to their budget, you should do that as well. These are your kids, there is no rule.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my family the older generation always pays for family vacations. When I was young, it was my grand parents. My mother paid when my kids were young and now we pay.

OP here - my mother has not paid for anything at any time. She was a single mom and I'm married and we can afford it.
Husband's mother still sends us 1k for Christmas!

OP, this is why. Some parents feel really criticized and threatened when they see their children doing things they did not do. Usually it happens when they feel badly about not doing those things. Just ignore if you can.