We took the opposite road…had kids at 29 and 31 when we still rented a small apartment and made $60,000-$70,000 HHI. We didn’t buy a home until our 2nd kid was almost 1. The first few years of having kids were a bit difficult financially and we had to stay on a strict budget. But now our kids are 8 and 6, we live in a nice house, have a higher income/comfortable lifestyle and the kids don’t even have any memory of the apartment living or frugal living we did when they were tiny.

I don’t regret it at all…I’m glad we had kids when we did even though it meant struggling a bit financially but I can certainly see why ppl wait til they’re more secure $$ wise and/or in their career, and/or many other factors (relationship issues, wanting to buy a house first, family crisis, health crisis, etc). There’s no use regretting your choice to wait now. It is what it is. Having kids is hard no matter what: if you have them younger but aren’t as stable or if you wait til you’re older and more financially secure. There’s no be perfect way to do it though.

And you’re not that old. And you haven’t been trying that long. Don’t get discouraged so easily.

Spend less time stressing and DCUMing and more time relaxing and gettin busy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since when is 35/36 "pushing 40"??!?

When you're a lot closer to 40 than 30.

If you’re 35 you’re literally the same distance from 30 and 40, not “a lot closer to 40”

Anonymous wrote:I never understood why people wait for some arbitrary number to have kids. We got married at 25, bought our house at 26, had our first kid at 27, and second kid at 29.

When we had our first, our HHI was probably $80k. When we had our second it was $98k. Now we are 32, kids are 4 and 2 and our HHI is $265k. All of my friends had kids around the same time.

I think it's a DC mindset to wait. I agree you have to own your choices and move forward. If it doesn't happen by month 6, I'd make an appt with your OBGYN to discuss. Wishing you luck!

Do you have reading comprehension problems? No one is waiting for an "arbitrary number". They are waiting because they don't feel financially stable, have debt to pay off, or want to buy a house first and cannot. You had kids after buying a home. That's typical. What is not typical is being able to buy a house at 26 after marrying at 25.

My DH and I postponed both buying a home and kids several years because of a job loss followed by a major family crisis. We had our first at 37. I do wish we could have had a child sooner but I also recognize that it was simply not possible for us to have had a kid in the midst of what was going on in our early 30s (we married at 32). We were not just arbitrarily waiting for some magic moment where we would feel ready -- we wanted a home and a child but had to deal with other stuff first. You are fortunate to have not had other stuff to deal with -- congratulations.

Anonymous wrote:I never understood why people wait for some arbitrary number to have kids. We got married at 25, bought our house at 26, had our first kid at 27, and second kid at 29.

When we had our first, our HHI was probably $80k. When we had our second it was $98k. Now we are 32, kids are 4 and 2 and our HHI is $265k. All of my friends had kids around the same time.

I think it's a DC mindset to wait. I agree you have to own your choices and move forward. If it doesn't happen by month 6, I'd make an appt with your OBGYN to discuss. Wishing you luck!

We did not have money to buy a house or afford a baby. My husband also had 100k in debt.

Anonymous wrote:Are you tracking your cycle?

And have your brought your husband in to have him tested?

I never understood why people wait for some arbitrary number to have kids. We got married at 25, bought our house at 26, had our first kid at 27, and second kid at 29.

When we had our first, our HHI was probably $80k. When we had our second it was $98k. Now we are 32, kids are 4 and 2 and our HHI is $265k. All of my friends had kids around the same time.

I think it's a DC mindset to wait. I agree you have to own your choices and move forward. If it doesn't happen by month 6, I'd make an appt with your OBGYN to discuss. Wishing you luck!

Anonymous wrote:Since when is 35/36 "pushing 40"??!?

When you're a lot closer to 40 than 30.

OP, I totally understand how you feel. The TTC stage is very draining, and it's difficult to see other people have success right away. My sister successfully conceived on her first try for all 4 children. For me, it took 8 cycles, which included a miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy. And of course, we were both TTC at the same time, so I had to see her happily pregnant while I was struggling.

My best advice would be to start tracking your cycle now. Get a BBT thermometer and figure out the exact day you're ovulating. Your cycle is broken into two phases. I found out fairly quickly that I was ovulating WAY later than I thought I was, and that the second half of my cycle was too short, making it near impossible to conceive without intervention. My doctor prescribed progesterone, and I was finally able to get pregnant.

^ To add, I made a similar decision to wait an extra couple of years to TTC #2 for career reasons. We faced unexplained secondary IF and ended up needing IVF so my two children are seven years apart, more than I would have liked. I wish they were closer in age, but I remind myself that I had valid reasons for doing what I did.

Anonymous wrote:You need to own your choices. You could have tried for a baby earlier; you decided you needed more money first. Revealed preferences are a thing. And I don't just mean that in a "get over yourself" way: accepting that you made the choices you did for reasons that apparently seemed valid and compelling means you're not a helpless victim. You're a person with agency who made decisions based on what you knew and valued and given your circumstances and constraints.

Also, you don't say how long you've been trying, but many people have first babies at 35/36.

I like this. It is empowering for OP.

OP, I wish you the best of luck. And don’t wait until 6 months to schedule an appointment with a fertility clinic. Schedule one right away, assuming it is an option you can afford. It takes a while to get the appointment and do the initial tests.

Anonymous wrote:Due to career and financial issues ( making 100k combined) / delayed career progression, we have not had a baby yet. We were married at 29 but were not in a financial position to grow our family. We are 35/36 now and everyone we know and younger has a kid. I am having a very strong reaction watching 29 years olds getting married abs having a baby at 30-31. It is what I had envisioned and wanted for my life and here I am childless and pushing 40.

I go into a spiral every time I hear a pregnancy announcement. We are TTC now and it hasn’t happened yet. I fall into a deep hole of depression and regret and hopelessness.

Can anyone relate?

Many people have their children in their 40s. Naomi Campbell just had her first child at 51. Supermodel Cheryl Tiegs had twins at 52 who are now 21 years old. Brigitte Nielsen recently gave birth at 54. Cameron Diaz, Lucy Lu, Adrienne Barbeau, Jane Seymour, Anderson Cooper, Andy Cohen, and countless others in the entertainment, industry are 40+ parents.

The reason I mention celebrities is because the people that we all know. I don’t listen to naysayers who say things like “oh my gosh, you’re going to be _____ years old at their graduation. Blah blah blah you’re going to be _____years old anyways..

This is meant to be inspiring. If you want to be a parent certainly it’s an option for you for many years to come.

Anonymous wrote:You need to stop looking at other people and comparing yourself to them. They might be making less than six figures combined and just deciding to go for it anyway. You're 35 or36 - that's not pushing 40. Stop being dramatic. It'll be good practice for when you're a parent and need to teach your child not to make a big deal out of things when they don't go the child's way.

this. We adopted DD ( 2 mom family) when I was 40 and DW was 37. I have great mom friends that range from 36-52, we all have kids the same age.

You're not that old. I had my kids at 36 and 39 and conceived within 2 months of going off of birth control. Hang in there.

Are you tracking your cycle?