Anonymous wrote:"The guy is coming Tuesday to fix the grout make sure you've showered by 9am."
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. How do I respond when DH is angry that I hired someone to fix the shower? There is no way he will say thanks or even say nothing. He will definitely be annoyed.
And to the PP who asked if I am a money waster, no I am not. DH and I definitely disagree on what is a worthwhile use of money and what is not, but at the end of every discussion, he has the final say. I have conditioned myself to be very frugal over the years in response to his behavior.
This is a problem.
He is controlling you through money.
You and he should be able to agree that this year we want to get these 5 home projects done and then you go off and handle it and that's the end. The idea that you need to report back to him with quotes or discuss every cent spent? No.
Anonymous wrote:At a time when he’s not angry approach him about the pattern in a spirit of problem solving. Throw in an analogy (for example, what if you asked him to arrange Halloween costumes bc you were busy and then balked because he hadn’t hand sewn elaborate ones?)
Anonymous wrote:OP here. How do I respond when DH is angry that I hired someone to fix the shower? There is no way he will say thanks or even say nothing. He will definitely be annoyed.
And to the PP who asked if I am a money waster, no I am not. DH and I definitely disagree on what is a worthwhile use of money and what is not, but at the end of every discussion, he has the final say. I have conditioned myself to be very frugal over the years in response to his behavior.
Anonymous wrote:Op, I feel like you have been listening in on my conversations with my husband. In my case when I offer to call someone to do a home repair he takes it as an affront to his manhood or something. Like I don't trust him enough to clean the gutters so I must not think much of his home maintenance abilities. In reality, this project gets put off for so long and I think it's worth the cost to take something off his list. I don't have any advice, just empathy.
Anonymous wrote:Just schedule it. If you're feeling diplomatic, maybe schedule it for a week or so out, then tell DH: "Hey, I have the handyman coming by next Tuesday for the grout. I can cancel up to 24 hours beforehand, so if you'd rather tackle it yourself over the weekend, feel free."
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Just call and get the grout fixed. Stop talking to him about it. That is my sincere answer I'm not being snarky.
I think this is it. Not everything has to be done by committee. Solve the problem
Anonymous wrote:"The guy is coming Tuesday to fix the grout make sure you've showered by 9am."
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. How do I respond when DH is angry that I hired someone to fix the shower? There is no way he will say thanks or even say nothing. He will definitely be annoyed.
And to the PP who asked if I am a money waster, no I am not. DH and I definitely disagree on what is a worthwhile use of money and what is not, but at the end of every discussion, he has the final say. I have conditioned myself to be very frugal over the years in response to his behavior.
How much is in your household repairs budget?
I was going to suggest to OP that she talk to her DH about having a household repair budget. She can go online to get estimates of what is reasonable (1% or something of purchase price) and they can incorporate it as a steady savings amount every month, like other bills. She can use those funds for these little repairs without bothering him about it. They can agree that repair amounts above a certain amount require agreement of both people.
It sounds like he has financial anxiety.