Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a mixed (white American/ Indian American) family. I recently realized that our 11 year old daughter doesn’t get much exposure to Indian culture. I am looking for some ideas of extra curricular activities to enroll her in to increase her exposure to the culture but do not want anything related to dance (she HATES dancing!) or religion (totally secular family). Any ideas? Tia.

She’s already 11 and has no exposure to Indian culture? That means the Indian parent has taken no interest in exposing her to any Indian classes (singing, dancing, instrument, religious) so what’s the point? It’s too late and your daughter isn’t going to keep up with it. Who’s white, mom or dad?

OP here’s I’m the mom (white) and her Dad is Indian American. It’s not that she has no exposure to the culture. We often go to the Indian wedding of family members and celebrate Divali with my in-laws, but that’s pretty much it.

That’s nice but that’s very little exposure. Does your DH speak his language? Does your DD understand or speak any of it? Do you guys cook Indian food at home everyday, like the authentic stuff? Can you or your DH teach DD how to cook? If not, it sounds like your DH is a typical whitewashed desi who is essentially white and hasn’t bothered to engage with his heritage, so how will your DD?

Maybe you can ask your in laws to be more proactive in teaching her things.

This comes across as almost bullying, PP.

My dad is 100% Polish and our exposure to Polish heritage was far less than OP lists.

Sounds like OP's husband identifies as American (though ethnically Indian) and his daughter's culture is just that.

Since you seem to be so ingrained in Indian culture, which really, is wonderful, why don't you give more helpful suggestions as opposed to just berating OP? Don't you see that your attitude is likely to discourage her from engaging with the community?

Also, why do they need to cook Indian food every night? That's a weird flex. I don't know many people who want to eat the same cuisine every night, and cook it themselves, regardless of their culture!

I was born here from Indian Immigrant parents, raised in the south where practically no one looked like me. Can’t speak any Indian language very well and I don’t cook. I also don’t know how to play any musical instruments, I dance but not any Indian classical dances because there were no such classes where I grew up.
I live in NoVa now and most of my close Indian friends are immigrants. A few are 1st Gen like me but I’ve had no issue making friends with Indian immigrants. Just like the rest of humanity, there are some that are friendly and others that are harder to connect with. No group of people are a monolith.

OP, I second Amar Chitra Katha! I loved thise comic books when was growing up as a child of Indian immigrants. I think language classes are a good idea, if yiur child is interested. And always food!

But, in our area, there are so many Indian immigrants and they are not very welcoming to outsiders (as this thread demonstrates). I was born and raised here and am married to a white man so my kids know come Indian culture and religion and definitely food but don’t really identify as Indian and that’s okay. That’s what happens with immigrants throughout American history.

Anonymous wrote:DH can afford to be "American" because he actually has the same culture at home. The culture of his Indian parents. The DD needs to be exposed to both because her home culture is mixed. She is biracial and bicultural. There is no harm in knowing elements of both. When is knowledge useless? It will just make her more well-rounded. Learning a new language expands her horizons. I mean my Indian-American kid has learned Spanish in school. How has that harmed him?

With a white mom and uninvolved dad, it’s going to be hard to meaningfully expose the kid to Indian culture. The classes and teachers can be hard to find unless you have an in or Indian friends who can give you contacts. The community is also insular and probably will treat you and your DD with some suspicion or ignore you. If your DD doesn’t connect with other kids in the class, how will she continue to be interested?

The kids I’ve seen in these classes often know each other and discuss Indian movies, other classes, Indian clothes, their parents, as well as American pop culture stuff. Your daughter is going to feel left out. Does OP’s DD look Indian at all or mostly white? If white, she can pass as white, what’s the big deal?

Anonymous wrote:Also, do girls also play cricket? I thought it was a boys sport.

Yes, they do. The international and National womens cricket teams have World Cups etc. They will be starting the Indian Premier League for Women next year..which will increase its popularity 10 fold.

OP, I am sorry for all the negative remarks above by other posters. Both my husband and I are Indian immigrants, professionals, and also not very traditionally Indian, and it has been super challenging to do many things described about for our children to immerse them more in our culture. We tried Indian dance- both traditional and Bollywood…one kid just was not into dance and the other one not very good at it- it is very time consuming unless u are talented or super interested- so we let that go. we tried Hindi classes locally as a Saturday school- but it was taught slowly and the pandemic made it virtual class and we stopped that too.

Both my husband and I met in India at Unviersity and have different Indian languages ( not dialects) that we spoke at home, so we basically always communicated in English, and continued to do so when we immigrated to the US. It has been very difficult for us to talk to our kids in our language when both of us are communicating in English.

We are also not religious, which takes always all the aspects of that part of the culture for us as a family. We do celebrate Diwali, but as cultural rather than religious day.

I rarely eat Indian food, but my husband eats it most days, so our kids are exposed to Indian cuisine and cooking at home and they love to help us out sometimes. They also love other international cuisines, and I always make non Indian food for the school lunches.

I also think when children become more curious about a culture, they seem to learn more and quickly. I am waiting for my children to be in their early teens, to start the more concise and quick language course ( Hindi)- even though Hindi is neither my DH nor my mother tongue 😅

OP- I think the fact that you are interested and looking into options, says a lot about you as a parent…good luck and hope you find something that works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.

No one cares. Plenty of people are now American and “pure white.” Whites people in US aren’t stressing because dead Grandma was born in England and they haven’t taught their kids how to serve a proper tea or make spotted dick.

But she’s not all white and people will not view her as such. I mean unless the OP wants to teach her to be white passing forever and make up a story about her father.

It was meant plenty of people are NOT “pure white” in US. Her learning “Indian culture” bc dad’s parent were born there is optional if it works for them and the kids are interested. But it isn’t some essential task necessary for their emotional well being. US is a melting pot now more than ever and it is just fine to embrace what your family wants to do right now. No one needs to dwell on long gone irrelevant tradition as unless they want to or find a particular relevance in them. But dad doesn’t seem to find them relevant so it’s fine to just be American

I disagree with American being a "melting pot". America has always been a bowl of salad with different ingredients and one unifying salad dressing. So, I think it is essential for the kid to know both to the best of her abilities. Dad is comfortable because his Indianness comes from having Indian parents and an Indian home. OP is right about wanting to do right by her DD and exposing her to both.

Culture is so much beyond food, dance, language. Look up the cultural iceberg theory and explore how your backgrounds are similar and different.

DH can afford to be "American" because he actually has the same culture at home. The culture of his Indian parents. The DD needs to be exposed to both because her home culture is mixed. She is biracial and bicultural. There is no harm in knowing elements of both. When is knowledge useless? It will just make her more well-rounded. Learning a new language expands her horizons. I mean my Indian-American kid has learned Spanish in school. How has that harmed him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.

No one cares. Plenty of people are now American and “pure white.” Whites people in US aren’t stressing because dead Grandma was born in England and they haven’t taught their kids how to serve a proper tea or make spotted dick.

But she’s not all white and people will not view her as such. I mean unless the OP wants to teach her to be white passing forever and make up a story about her father.

It was meant plenty of people are NOT “pure white” in US. Her learning “Indian culture” bc dad’s parent were born there is optional if it works for them and the kids are interested. But it isn’t some essential task necessary for their emotional well being. US is a melting pot now more than ever and it is just fine to embrace what your family wants to do right now. No one needs to dwell on long gone irrelevant tradition as unless they want to or find a particular relevance in them. But dad doesn’t seem to find them relevant so it’s fine to just be American

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.

No one cares. Plenty of people are now American and “pure white.” Whites people in US aren’t stressing because dead Grandma was born in England and they haven’t taught their kids how to serve a proper tea or make spotted dick.

But she’s not all white and people will not view her as such. I mean unless the OP wants to teach her to be white passing forever and make up a story about her father.

It was meant plenty of people are NOT “pure white” in US. Her learning “Indian culture” bc dad’s parent were born there is optional if it works for them and the kids are interested. But it isn’t some essential task necessary for their emotional well being. US is a melting pot now more than ever and it is just fine to embrace what your family wants to do right now. No one needs to dwell on long gone irrelevant tradition as unless they want to or find a particular relevance in them. But dad doesn’t seem to find them relevant so it’s fine to just be American

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.

No one cares. Plenty of people are now American and “pure white.” Whites people in US aren’t stressing because dead Grandma was born in England and they haven’t taught their kids how to serve a proper tea or make spotted dick.

But she’s not all white and people will not view her as such. I mean unless the OP wants to teach her to be white passing forever and make up a story about her father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.

Your identity is whatever you want it to be. I know plenty of people that do not care at all what their ancestors did

These aren’t ancient ancestors. They’re still alive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.

No one cares. Plenty of people are now American and “pure white.” Whites people in US aren’t stressing because dead Grandma was born in England and they haven’t taught their kids how to serve a proper tea or make spotted dick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.

Your identity is whatever you want it to be. I know plenty of people that do not care at all what their ancestors did

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it matters. She lives in US and will likely never live in India. At some point, how your grandparents etc. grow up doesn’t really matter anymore. It is not going to be relevant to her life and how she will live. If a parents WANTS to and it is important to them, go for it. But it is also fine to just let her live in the here and now and bring up heritage and traditions of the past if and when she shows interest or if they are relevant

Not sure this is a good idea. The people I know from dual cultures that didn’t learn about the ‘foreign’ one in childhood have been really confused about their identity as adults.

America sees her as not purely White/Anglo. She has to have a good understanding of all that she is and have confidence with it.