Anonymous wrote:Update: he told me to just cross out the parts that aren't true but changed his mind, so he is sending me the financials. Apparently this is part of the estate. I guess I am the beneficiary of part of the life insurance policies. Hopefully that means that reviewing the financials will be straightforward: just regular payments into the policies and then the payment out after my grandparents passed.

Everyone... OP has already updated, she doesn't need help anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Can we look at the big picture here? I am totally mystified why her dead mother’s trust is in the sole hands of her father who left her mother for another woman and abandoned their children practically and financially. Protecting against siblings? What for? He already has all the money himself!

Ok I reread and see that it is his own mothers estate. Which is better, but still this whole setup smells kinda fishy.

+1 OP I think you are taking the word “trust” too literally here.

Can we look at the big picture here? I am totally mystified why her dead mother’s trust is in the sole hands of her father who left her mother for another woman and abandoned their children practically and financially. Protecting against siblings? What for? He already has all the money himself!

Anonymous wrote:The estate is in Texas. I am not being added as an executor, rather my uncle is being removed. The paperwork specifically says "The Beneficiary has had full and opportunity to inspect the books and records of the Trustee maintained with respect to the Trust" and "The Beneficiary has made such investigation regarding the actions, omissions, and decisions made by the Trustee in its capacity as Co-Trustee of the Trust as necessary to execute this Agreement" and "the Beneficiary has received, or been given the opportunity to review, regular account statements from the Trustee covering the period the Trustee served as Co-Trustee of the Trust."

I very much want to preserve the relationship I have with my dad, but I feel that this is one of the many conditionalities that he places on our relationship. The previous poster who identified the true issue as challenges in our relationship is correct. This is not about money. I feel like I have to make myself smaller to be able to have a relationship with him.

I guess the warmest way to handle this would be to find a time when I am feeling particularly calm and call him to explain that I don't feel comfortable signing without the info I am required to review but that I really don't anticipate any issues.

OP, at a bare minimum I'd ask him how much money is in the trust and who are the trustees. Ideally you would get a copy of Nov 20 2022 financial statement and a copy of trust documents specifying who are trustees and how they are appointed.

Also, are you a beneficiary now (i.e. are you currently receiving distributions) or are you a beneficiary sometime down the road when someone dies?

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to voice a different opinion. It's possible he was really just trying to expedite the process. He may have felt he was already looking out for the best interests of the family, and wanted you to just trust him and sign ASAP. Regardless of his true intention, you could respond to him"assuming" this was his rationale. Thank him for trying to make the process less complicated, re-assure him that you appreciate his guidance/care-taking, and re-assert your appreciation for him sending the financial documents so you could better understand/appreciate the trust.

This very well could be the case. I do believe as a beneficiary the OP should know how much money is in the trust. Who are the other beneficiaries of the trust. Who are the trustee(s) of the trust going forward.

OP, You need to find out who is/are the trustee(s) of this family trust. Will you be a trustee of this trust?

I'm going to voice a different opinion. It's possible he was really just trying to expedite the process. He may have felt he was already looking out for the best interests of the family, and wanted you to just trust him and sign ASAP. Regardless of his true intention, you could respond to him"assuming" this was his rationale. Thank him for trying to make the process less complicated, re-assure him that you appreciate his guidance/care-taking, and re-assert your appreciation for him sending the financial documents so you could better understand/appreciate the trust.

There are a jillion red flags here and I think you and your sister's intuition/gut feeling that something is "off" is well-founded. Your father sounds like a massive jerk to boot - he demands blind loyalty despite being a philanderer and crap father.

Can you split the baby? I'd tell him that while you aren't comfortable signing without seeing anything, you at least need to understand what monies are currently in the trust or set to go into it before you sign anything. I'm saying this from the point of view that it might not be worth it to you to blow up your relationship over $10k, but $100k is a different situation.

My gut reaction to your post is that your dad has been skimming from the trust and is trying to cover his tracks.

As far as signing something and legal liability - TALK TO A LAWYER. But from what you are saying this sounds like you are being asked to sign/attest that your OWN interests have been represented versus certifying to an authority that the accounting, etc. are correct. If you (or anyone) signs a statement saying they've been provided and had a chance to review X, Y, Z, the legal effect is that you may not be able to complain later.

I can't tell you what to do but I do feel comfortable saying that you are being pressured and manipulated and your hesitation is entirely warranted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should quietly hire an estate lawyer and get his legal advice.

Then I think you discuss with him and your sister how to handle this emotionally with your dad. Not sure but I’d make sure you remain polite.

As an attorney I can understand not wanting to sign a document that says you’ve reviewed something you haven’t

This is the answer. You probably don't already have an estate lawyer, so get one now. You don't have to tell your father that you just now did it; just tell him that you passed the documents on to the person who handles these things for you, and there are a few things to clear up.

Calm, pleasant, unemotional. if he reacts strongly, stay calm and a little befuddled -- that's just what you do, right? Have someone trained in the field handle paperwork? This isn't personal. Stay calm, stay pleasant. Youa re just going therough the appropriate motions, and it isn't about him.

If you need a bear, your lawyer can be the bear. It's not about you. It's just business stuff, you know.

This 100%. OP, just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean he isn’t also a high powered attorney. Do not take a knife to a gunfight. He is controlling YOUR MOTHER’s multimillion dollar estate and he has a second family. Do not for one second underestimate the danger you are in and what could happen here, especially if he already abandoned your younger sister when she was still a child. This looks, smells, and talks like a duck.

Read before replying. OP has already updated and her father is sending her the financials.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should quietly hire an estate lawyer and get his legal advice.

Then I think you discuss with him and your sister how to handle this emotionally with your dad. Not sure but I’d make sure you remain polite.

As an attorney I can understand not wanting to sign a document that says you’ve reviewed something you haven’t

This is the answer. You probably don't already have an estate lawyer, so get one now. You don't have to tell your father that you just now did it; just tell him that you passed the documents on to the person who handles these things for you, and there are a few things to clear up.

Calm, pleasant, unemotional. if he reacts strongly, stay calm and a little befuddled -- that's just what you do, right? Have someone trained in the field handle paperwork? This isn't personal. Stay calm, stay pleasant. Youa re just going therough the appropriate motions, and it isn't about him.

If you need a bear, your lawyer can be the bear. It's not about you. It's just business stuff, you know.

This 100%. OP, just because he’s your dad doesn’t mean he isn’t also a high powered attorney. Do not take a knife to a gunfight. He is controlling YOUR MOTHER’s multimillion dollar estate and he has a second family. Do not for one second underestimate the danger you are in and what could happen here, especially if he already abandoned your younger sister when she was still a child. This looks, smells, and talks like a duck.

Anonymous wrote:Last time I heard a parent ask something similiar to this, they had siphoned the money into their own accounts from the children’s. Sign nothing without an estate attorney reviewing the documents.

This. My first, second and third thought is that he is railroading you. If he is a high-powered attorney he too knows how to do this while “preserving the relationship.” People here advising various emotional manipulation techniques should recognize that he is undoubtedly using manipulation techniques himself.

What does he say you get by signing the papers? Do you become an executor?

Anonymous wrote:I think you should quietly hire an estate lawyer and get his legal advice.

Then I think you discuss with him and your sister how to handle this emotionally with your dad. Not sure but I’d make sure you remain polite.

As an attorney I can understand not wanting to sign a document that says you’ve reviewed something you haven’t

This.

Is there any way to sweet-talk your dad? How can you tone the conversation without upsetting him? It sounds like the direct approach won't work.