we have been married 17 years and most years we just send a picture of the kids. that would be so easy, and then each parent can send the card to their own list. it feels like the OP is trying a bit too hard to prove something by being on the photo with her ex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is trying way to hard to tell the world that this is a "non-divorce" and then to argue with people who state the obvious point that divorced couples do not send joint Christmas cards. Either get back with your ex or move on with your life.

Are you one of the people who insists kids are always worse off after divorce? Divorce doesn’t have to be some horrible event that rips apart everything kids have ever known. Divorce can look however you make it.

Ohhhh, you’re one of those divorced parents in denial. Got it.

Not that PP but that person is right. Divorce is not always the disaster people think at all. Staying in a bad marriage is worse long term for everyone. Start realizing that divorce is not universally bad. Sometimes it is; sometimes it is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I stay at my former marital home sometimes for scheduling reasons. My ex and I have not slept together in a decade (youngest is 8). I do not care what people think

This math is off. You have an 8 year old but have not slept with ex in a decade? Or did he figure that out, too, and that’s why he is your ex?

Okay...nearly a decade? We did not sleep together for 7 out of 10 years being married. The last time was the kid conception (now age 8). That means nine years ago. It was 7 years without sex total of being married 10 years. Are you happy now?

We coparent fine after divorce. Better than being married. Much better.

Np

I like your dramatic version where you have an 8 yo yet haven’t slept together the last 10 years.

Not sure why it is dramatic. Point was have not slept together in nearly a decade since that kid conception but I sleep in the marital home still sometimes. I do not care what neighbors think if they see my car in the driveway…much like the OP should not care what people think if she sends a joint Christmas card.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is trying way to hard to tell the world that this is a "non-divorce" and then to argue with people who state the obvious point that divorced couples do not send joint Christmas cards. Either get back with your ex or move on with your life.

Are you one of the people who insists kids are always worse off after divorce? Divorce doesn’t have to be some horrible event that rips apart everything kids have ever known. Divorce can look however you make it.

Ohhhh, you’re one of those divorced parents in denial. Got it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people do not stop being "family" because they divorced. They stop being a couple, and there's a difference.

Xmas cards are optional. Pushing this new "we are still a family and my divorce has not harmed my kids--just look at my Xmas card where my ex and I are pretending to enjoy one another's company" narrative is unnecessary and comes off as cringey. OP asked and we are just being honest.

+1,000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I stay at my former marital home sometimes for scheduling reasons. My ex and I have not slept together in a decade (youngest is 8). I do not care what people think

This math is off. You have an 8 year old but have not slept with ex in a decade? Or did he figure that out, too, and that’s why he is your ex?

Okay...nearly a decade? We did not sleep together for 7 out of 10 years being married. The last time was the kid conception (now age 8). That means nine years ago. It was 7 years without sex total of being married 10 years. Are you happy now?

We coparent fine after divorce. Better than being married. Much better.

Np

I like your dramatic version where you have an 8 yo yet haven’t slept together the last 10 years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. I am a child of divorced parents. Time to accept the imperfect reality. Separate Christmas cards are easy. Separate birthdays, holidays, vacations, relationships, etc., are the necessary harder part...

Not OP...but that is YOU. Not everyone else. We do kid birthdays together. Everything else is separate, and no, it is not hard. These ridiculous divorce boundaries from the past don't really work with 50/50 coparenting. Stop assuming that your experience is the experience of parents and kids today. It's not.

I think pps viewpoint is much more valuable than yours on the matter

I disagree. A child of divorced parents a few decades ago does not compare today in hardly any way whatsoever. I am divorced. I see my kids almost every day on non-custody days for short periods. We live 4 minutes apart. Our finances are not ruined. We do kid events and birthdays together. I know 3 other couples in the same post-divorce situation. We are flexible and not doing this boundary crap taking out adult issues on kids like how people expect a divorce must be. It is not the 1980s.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. I am a child of divorced parents. Time to accept the imperfect reality. Separate Christmas cards are easy. Separate birthdays, holidays, vacations, relationships, etc., are the necessary harder part...

Not OP...but that is YOU. Not everyone else. We do kid birthdays together. Everything else is separate, and no, it is not hard. These ridiculous divorce boundaries from the past don't really work with 50/50 coparenting. Stop assuming that your experience is the experience of parents and kids today. It's not.

I think pps viewpoint is much more valuable than yours on the matter

Anonymous wrote:

I stay at my former marital home sometimes for scheduling reasons. My ex and I have not slept together in a decade (youngest is 8). I do not care what people think

This math is off. You have an 8 year old but have not slept with ex in a decade? Or did he figure that out, too, and that’s why he is your ex?

Okay...nearly a decade? We did not sleep together for 7 out of 10 years being married. The last time was the kid conception (now age 8). That means nine years ago. It was 7 years without sex total of being married 10 years. Are you happy now?

We coparent fine after divorce. Better than being married. Much better.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. I am a child of divorced parents. Time to accept the imperfect reality. Separate Christmas cards are easy. Separate birthdays, holidays, vacations, relationships, etc., are the necessary harder part...

Not OP...but that is YOU. Not everyone else. We do kid birthdays together. Everything else is separate, and no, it is not hard. These ridiculous divorce boundaries from the past don't really work with 50/50 coparenting. Stop assuming that your experience is the experience of parents and kids today. It's not.

I stay at my former marital home sometimes for scheduling reasons. My ex and I have not slept together in a decade (youngest is 8). I do not care what people think

This math is off. You have an 8 year old but have not slept with ex in a decade? Or did he figure that out, too, and that’s why he is your ex?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is trying way to hard to tell the world that this is a "non-divorce" and then to argue with people who state the obvious point that divorced couples do not send joint Christmas cards. Either get back with your ex or move on with your life.

Are you one of the people who insists kids are always worse off after divorce? Divorce doesn’t have to be some horrible event that rips apart everything kids have ever known. Divorce can look however you make it.

+1

I disagree with most posters on this thread. I am divorced. I have kids. We are coparents. We are still a family whether we want to or not. I think people really need to stop applying the old ideas about divorce to many modern day divorces.

While I would not do it, I think it is fine. Who cares what people think?

I stay at my former marital home sometimes for scheduling reasons. My ex and I have not slept together in a decade (youngest is 8). I do not care what people think.

Sorry, OP. I am a child of divorced parents. Time to accept the imperfect reality. Separate Christmas cards are easy. Separate birthdays, holidays, vacations, relationships, etc., are the necessary harder part...

Do it only if you're comfortable with one day sending a card with significant others and children from those relationships .

If you won't be then you're just kicking the can.